DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family suffered a flooding disaster, resulting in temporary displacement from our home. We are currently in the repair process and have received numerous gifts ranging from hot meals, to clothing and shoes for our children, to help demolishing aspects of the home in preparation for repair.

How should one thank people? Would people expect a thank-you note in this circumstance?

GENTLE READER: Don't you WANT to thank them?

Of course, you will have thanked them at the time. But a letter is a serious way of showing appreciation, beyond the simple spoken thanks you toss off for trivial courtesies.

When you ask if thanks are expected, Miss Manners hopes that you are not implying that this is a form of payment demanded by those who have been kind to you. Thanks are expected, on the part of generous people, in the sense that they want to hear that their contributions were appreciated because they made a difference.

Miss Manners imagines that these efforts have indeed been valuable to you. And even if they were not, she would want you to understand that such was the intention and react accordingly.

If they have not inspired you to express your gratitude, they should at least suggest to you how useful it is to be the beneficiary of largesse, and make you want to encourage that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My close cousin is getting married to a wonderful gentleman this summer in America. However, I currently live in Asia. The wedding date had been known for ages, and I am traveling home specifically to go to the wedding. My cousin and I coordinated my plane ticket together, to make sure I could attend and still have plenty of time to see family.

I had just received the invitation here in Asia. However, due to mailing circumstances and distance, the deadline is much closer than I thought to send it back. I have sent the RSVP out, but it will not make it in time.

In this case, I regretfully sent an email message to my cousin that I graciously accept the invitation, but that the RSVP would not return to her in time.

Other adults in my area think this was a bit of a faux pas. But I feel that given the circumstances, I did the best I could do.

Who is correct in this circumstance? Did I do the right thing? Should I do something different in the future?

GENTLE READER: As you both answered the invitation properly, in the form in which it was given, and also had the consideration to reassure your cousin that you would indeed be attending as planned, Miss Manners can think of only one thing you should have done differently: that would be not to solicit general opinion about a problem that you solved graciously and sensibly on your own.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: From time to time, when I do an act of kindness or generosity with no agenda (although I don't mind being well thought-of), the recipient reacts with, "You shouldn't have" or "You didn't have to." In the latter case, I sometimes smile and say, "The only thing I have to do is die." Is there an appropriate verbal response I can proffer in those situations?

GENTLE READER: "But I wanted to."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a party last weekend where there were drinks, a buffet, music and conversation. It was all very pleasant until a few people (not the host or hostess) decided to turn off the music and play videos for the crowd on their phones instead.

The party suddenly became a quiet mass of people huddled around a smartphone. And folks in the other parts of the house could no longer hear the music that had been playing.

The hostess was very gracious but visibly annoyed. I find that this sort of behavior has become more and more common at parties, and I wonder, what is a host or hostess to do when their party is commandeered by funny cat videos?

GENTLE READER? What, indeed?

Miss Manners commends this particular hostess for her patience. If she had been feeling even more generous, she could have offered to display the cat videos on her television or computer for all to see. This would have the effect of making the activity more communal, while drawing attention to the fact that only a few were participating.

But more likely, the difficulty of its technical execution would be time-consuming enough that everyone would get bored with it and resume more social activity.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We're going to the wedding of an old friend's son, and sent the couple a lovely, generous gift from their registry. The thank-you note we received is generic, and my wife is insulted.

Should this be a teaching moment for the bride, and if so, how should we handle this? Or do we just accept that some people don't have a clue?

GENTLE READER: It is with a heavily trodden-upon heart that Miss Manners informs you that getting a thank-you letter at all is scores above what most guests receive.

Registries are generic to begin with -- after all, you are generously ticking off items on a shopping list -- so it is not surprising that their thank-you notes reflect that.

One day, everyone will see the joy of a registry-less world, where presents are voluntary, thoughtful and unsolicited. Then, thank-you letters that express genuine gratitude for true thoughtfulness will follow.

In the meantime, Miss Manners would not recommend that you chastise this couple for at least acknowledging the unpleasant arrangement.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was eating lunch at a public counter yesterday when an elderly lady (a stranger) came up to me, put her arm around me and started talking. I was so startled that I just responded, "Please don't touch me!" in a loud voice.

She backed up and murmured something, and her male companion said something under his breath. Was there a better way for me to have responded?

GENTLE READER: Probably. Miss Manners is given to a more genteel squeal in such instances.

But as this was a stranger, and you didn't know her intentions or her state of mental health, your reaction was acceptable and the message the same: Do not startle a stranger if you do not want a startled reaction.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I finally signed up with a popular social media site at the request of my two sisters, one who lives abroad and the other one 1,500 miles away. They both wanted to be updated on my family and daughter's events.

However, due to my busy schedule, I want to limit the number of my "friends" on social media to 10 people, mostly very close family and friends of my daughter.

I have received a friend request from a person I carpool to work with. I do not want to increase my social media friends list. Should I accept the invite, even if it means having 11 friends? Or what is a polite way to decline?

GENTLE READER: Most social media sites save users the trouble of figuring out how politely to say "I don't want to be your friend" by allowing them to decline without actually informing the person making the request. Miss Manners does not agree with this implementation; she does agree that you are not bound to engage in unwelcome social interactions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A cousin who remarried informed me that not only has she taken her husband's last name, but she has also changed her first name. A friend did this some years ago, but answers to both first names, old and new.

Is it recommended to honor the new first-name identity and offensive to retain the familiar first name? Retroactive first-naming feels like losing ties that bound -- especially when one interacts infrequently, over long distances!

GENTLE READER: Changing first names upon marrying is a new idea to Miss Manners. She wonders if it is the bride's intention, by changing her entire name, to loosen old ties by disappearing. But assuming this is not the case, it is correct to address her by her new name.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who is late to work almost daily. Two or three times a week, the co-worker makes herself even later by stopping to pick up coffee or breakfast sandwiches.

She calls the office while driving to pick up the items, to see if anyone would want her to get anything, with the expectation that she wishes to be repaid despite this being an effort to apologize for being late.

I'm just curious, if I am ever running late myself, which would be more appropriate: to be late and empty-handed, or to be even later with a snack in hand?

GENTLE READER: Your question, even if facetious, raises a genuine issue: To whom is an apology due from a late co-worker? Her colleagues, including yourself, may feel wronged, either because their own work -- or workload -- may suffer in consequence, or because it is unfair that standards of timeliness are not applied uniformly. Or they may not care, and appreciate the catering.

But it is the business that is being harmed, and therefore it is the boss to whom the co-worker first owes an apology. It is also the boss to whom you and your colleagues can take their complaints. One assumes that the boss would rather have a laborer than a latte, free or otherwise.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)