DEAR MISS MANNERS: I've noticed a trend when paying with cash at restaurants. It used to be that if my meal cost $16.32 and I paid with a $20 bill, I would receive $3.68 back from the server. Last week when I paid a $16.32 bill with a $20 bill, I was given only $3 in change by my server, leaving me 68 cents short.

My friend told me that servers are now doing this to save time in processing cash payments, and so they don't have to carry around a lot of change in their apron pockets.

In a way I can see how this makes sense, but I also feel a bit miffed in getting shortchanged. Each time this has happened, I've found myself wanting to ask the server for my correct change, but then refrained from doing so after thinking it would appear silly or impolite to get into an argument over such a small amount of money.

Is this method of shortchanging customers the new normal that I should graciously accept? If not, what would be the best way for me to address this issue with my server?

GENTLE READER: That a pickpocket finds his profession more convenient than remembering to bring his own wallet is no defense. Servers who cheat you by 68 cents should feel lucky to find their tips reduced only by that amount.

Miss Manners sees nothing embarrassing about asking for your proper change. But you could also ask the server's boss, who probably does not authorize shortchanging the customers, whether such is the restaurant's policy.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend of six years and I have been engaged for a year now and are officially tying the knot. Now that we've come to the stage of creating and ordering invitations, we have to address an issue: His family is always late.

There's hardly a punctual person among the bunch. For his cousin's wedding two years ago, the bride and groom lied about the start time of the ceremony on the invitations just to ensure that everyone would be there on time. The invites said it started at 3 p.m., but it didn't actually begin until 4 p.m.

The trick worked, as some family invariably showed up past the 3 p.m. start time, which still made them perfectly on time for the actual 4 p.m. event.

What can my fiance and I do or say (either via the invitations we mail or via in-person conversations) to get these people to show up?

GENTLE READER: Without objecting to your fiance's cousin's solution, Miss Manners questions its long-term effectiveness. Do you plan to pad holiday dinner times as well? You will acquire a reputation for starting everything late, thus encouraging others to adjust their arrival times back even more.

The cocktail hour was invented to solve the problem that, even with good intentions, no group of people all arrive at the same time. By all means, have your fiance speak with your relatives about arriving on time. But assuming you would prefer not to have the punctual relatives drunk before the ceremony, you might leave a few empty pews at the back of the church for late arrivals.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a rule regarding the amount of conversation permissible during a meal?

I have a 3-year-old daughter who asks me questions (about friends, word meanings, family history, etc.) through entire meals. It is not usually that she is speaking with her mouth full; she simply does not have a big appetite and would prefer to chat.

The questions start as soon as we sit down, and I have sometimes put my plate aside rather than having it in front of me on the table, taunting me. I put a stop to my practice of pointing to my chewing mouth to show her that I was eating, thinking this was not proper.

I have sometimes announced that I have finished answering questions and would like to eat, but this puts a negative tone on the rest of the meal, and I don't think this is proper etiquette.

In fact, etiquette encourages dinner conversation, does it not? Does it offer any recourse to the would-be eater who is pummeled with questions? Perhaps this is why, in earlier times, some families had children eat separately.

GENTLE READER: Please forgive Miss Manners for being charmed while you starve. Family meals are, indeed, as much about conversation as about food, and in asking questions, rather than merely talking, your daughter shows a great aptitude for it.

However, you do need rescuing before you do something that discourages her, or, horrors, toss a tablet at her so that you can eat in silence.

Miss Manners suggests a cocktail hour before dinner. Well, no, not exactly. She is not suggesting liquor, and she is aware that you are not likely to have the leisure to sit around then.

But suppose you start a little ritual, whereby she sits near you, with a glass of juice or milk, while you are preparing dinner or perhaps doing other chores, and it becomes your special time for chatting. You will doubtless be charmed and can look forward to eating dinner (taking very small mouthfuls so as to be able to handle a reasonable amount of conversation).

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to whisper when other people are in the room?

GENTLE READER: Yes, if you are under 6 and are asking your mother to find a bathroom for you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At most retail establishments, including banks, I am constantly being asked if I would like to open a new credit card. I always say, "No, thank you."

The follow-up question is always, "May I ask why?"

I will flatly tell them, "No, you may not," which usually leads to belligerent attitudes from the workers, demanding to know why. I find this terribly rude.

Am I wrong, that when I tell someone "No, thank you" to an offer, that is the end of the conversation?

GENTLE READER: It should be, of course. But that is no excuse for you to be rude in return to someone whose employer has demanded that this script be followed.

However, you can be firm. As the follow-up response, Miss Manners suggests, "Because I choose not to."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was attending the engagement party of a cousin's daughter, which was very nice. Over the course of what seemed like maybe 10 minutes, I became very ill. While trying to get to the bathroom, I, err, expelled the contents of my stomach all over the floor and the back of the mother of the groom-to-be, whom I do not know. She was in an expensive, light-colored suit. I had eaten tomato soup, so, well, I don't think she will be able to wear that suit again.

After my explosion, I apologized profusely to the woman who looked at me in horror. I also apologized to my cousin and asked for the woman's contact information, so that I might write a letter and offer to pay for dry cleaning.

My cousin says the woman is rich and snooty and can pay for her own dry cleaning, and is rather pleased over the fact that I did this, as she doesn't like the family.

What should I do? I will no doubt encounter this woman again at the wedding. My cousin is full of horror stories about her, but I have nothing against her and feel like I should do something.

GENTLE READER: Is your cousin's argument that because the woman is rich and snooty, that she is a deserving subject upon which to be vomited?

Miss Manners is not in the habit of punishing people for their questionable character. Yes, you should do something. Find the contact information with or without your cousin's help. Write a letter and offer to pay for dry cleaning, as was your original instinct. And tell your cousin to leave the etiquette advice to Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have friends over for dinner weekly. I like to cook and they like to eat. My food is good, we have fun, and we always go down the street to the local pub after dinner.

A mutual friend we know from the pub asks detailed questions about what we just had for dinner, and wishes aloud that she can join us next time.

The problem lies in what she won't eat. Each time we talk about our dinner, she reminds me that I can't serve X and don't use Y, because "I don't like those things."

I always laugh and say, "Well, you can't come then."

She vows to "pick out" the things she doesn't like and not to say a word when there's something she won't eat.

I don't buy it for a minute. Miss Manners, I like to cook for people who like to eat, and the current crop of dinner guests are great, adventurous eaters. How do I politely tell our friend that she's not invited, as I will cook whatever I want, not cater to her needs?

GENTLE READER: Your friend should not be constantly inviting herself over and then dictating the parameters of the meal. But Miss Manners cannot help but feel that you are baiting her by prolonging the conversation.

She is not the person with whom you should be discussing your menus. If she is a friend otherwise, counter by inviting her to an event that doesn't involve food. Or find another pub for your after-dinner drinks.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)