DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was attending the engagement party of a cousin's daughter, which was very nice. Over the course of what seemed like maybe 10 minutes, I became very ill. While trying to get to the bathroom, I, err, expelled the contents of my stomach all over the floor and the back of the mother of the groom-to-be, whom I do not know. She was in an expensive, light-colored suit. I had eaten tomato soup, so, well, I don't think she will be able to wear that suit again.

After my explosion, I apologized profusely to the woman who looked at me in horror. I also apologized to my cousin and asked for the woman's contact information, so that I might write a letter and offer to pay for dry cleaning.

My cousin says the woman is rich and snooty and can pay for her own dry cleaning, and is rather pleased over the fact that I did this, as she doesn't like the family.

What should I do? I will no doubt encounter this woman again at the wedding. My cousin is full of horror stories about her, but I have nothing against her and feel like I should do something.

GENTLE READER: Is your cousin's argument that because the woman is rich and snooty, that she is a deserving subject upon which to be vomited?

Miss Manners is not in the habit of punishing people for their questionable character. Yes, you should do something. Find the contact information with or without your cousin's help. Write a letter and offer to pay for dry cleaning, as was your original instinct. And tell your cousin to leave the etiquette advice to Miss Manners.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have friends over for dinner weekly. I like to cook and they like to eat. My food is good, we have fun, and we always go down the street to the local pub after dinner.

A mutual friend we know from the pub asks detailed questions about what we just had for dinner, and wishes aloud that she can join us next time.

The problem lies in what she won't eat. Each time we talk about our dinner, she reminds me that I can't serve X and don't use Y, because "I don't like those things."

I always laugh and say, "Well, you can't come then."

She vows to "pick out" the things she doesn't like and not to say a word when there's something she won't eat.

I don't buy it for a minute. Miss Manners, I like to cook for people who like to eat, and the current crop of dinner guests are great, adventurous eaters. How do I politely tell our friend that she's not invited, as I will cook whatever I want, not cater to her needs?

GENTLE READER: Your friend should not be constantly inviting herself over and then dictating the parameters of the meal. But Miss Manners cannot help but feel that you are baiting her by prolonging the conversation.

She is not the person with whom you should be discussing your menus. If she is a friend otherwise, counter by inviting her to an event that doesn't involve food. Or find another pub for your after-dinner drinks.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I arrived about 20 minutes early for a movie and were chatting quietly during the (advertising-heavy) digital pre-show. About five minutes later, an older couple came in and sat in front of us, and about five minutes after that, the man turned around and admonished us to be quiet.

We complied, but I was startled, as I thought it was acceptable to talk until the trailers began. Is there now an expectation of silence for the half-hour presentation before the trailers?

GENTLE READER: There is not -- a theater is not a library. But Miss Manners suggests that rather than attempting to school an elderly couple, you apologize: "I'm so sorry. We thought the show had not yet begun. We'll try to keep our voices down during the advertisements."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I made the decision years ago to be low-tech. We are raising our children without cable TV, MP3 players or fancy smartphones or tablets, because we want our children to be able to entertain themselves with their imaginations and because we don't want to have bickering over screen time.

I have an old cellphone, not a smartphone. Many times over the last year, as I have pulled it out, people (relatives, friends, colleagues, receptionists at the dentist, just to name a few) have told me that I need to buy a new phone.

What is it about technology that makes people feel justified in telling others -- even ones they don't know -- that their possessions are not up to snuff?

I think these same people would find it very rude if I told them that their shoes/purse/car looked shabby, and they should go buy something smarter-looking.

GENTLE READER: They would indeed, and they would be right.

Miss Manners fears that the only difference in the case of technology is that the targets of such insults are often vulnerable, afraid of being themselves considered ready for the dust heap. You are quite right to interpret this as unwarranted busybody-ness.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister and I are having a small dinner with four friends for our birthday. Some of our uninvited friends have asked us when our party is. We don't want to hurt their feelings, so how should we respond?

GENTLE READER: The fact that you refer to "our birthday" and that your plans involve a dinner party lead Miss Manners to infer that you are one of a pair of adult twins.

If this is so, adults are not properly expected to throw themselves regular birthday parties. You need therefore say no more than, "We are not planning a big party this year."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A member of my family hit the lottery for a sizable sum. She is getting married and would like a shower, not for the gifts, but to celebrate the occasion.

Do you have any suggestions how she can feel special but also suggest the gift of money so she could make a donation to a favorite charity? We certainly don't want to offend anyone, but we want to do the right thing.

GENTLE READER: Your relative won the lottery, and she is contemplating asking her friends to let her direct their money?

Let us leave aside the vulgarity of suggesting her own shower and endeavoring to seem generous by using other people's money. These transgressions have become so common that they now seem to bother no one except Miss Manners.

But she promises you that for someone who just struck it rich to ask others to give even more, for whatever purpose, will only enrage them. If any bride should hang back and wait for others to volunteer honoring her, it is your fortunate relative.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was adopted at birth. Since the adoption was privately arranged, my parents had my original birth certificate, and I knew my mother's maiden name. My parents (now both deceased) never had any problem with me asking about my birth mother or trying to find her.

In my 40s, I located her, and we became friends. (A strong, funny and delightful woman, by the way!) She had since married and adopted two children. She told me she was not telling her children about me because, although they knew they were adopted, she didn't want them to get the idea that they weren't her "real" children. I didn't mind and didn't try to contact them. After all, my "real" Mom was my adoptive mother.

I sent her a small gift recently and was surprised that she didn't email me to let me know it had arrived. When I emailed her to ask her, I got a reply from her daughter, saying that her mother had passed away a few months ago, and did I want the gift back, and how did I know her?

I prefer to tell the truth when it doesn't hurt anyone other than me, but I'm not sure if I should in this case. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That you know your mother's preference was to keep this information from her other children, and that she was in a better position than you to know whether knowing this would cause hurt. In any case, it seems to Miss Manners that you have an obligation to honor those wishes.

Too often, people believe that the virtue of truth-telling trumps all other virtues, and that it requires telling the whole truth -- which often means only airing the teller's opinions, and usually not the nice ones.

Here you need only offer your condolences, do as you like about the present, and explain that you knew her mother through your mother -- meaning your adoptive mother -- but without explaining the claims each of them has to that title.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)