DEAR MISS MANNERS: On a crowded passenger ferry frequented by tourists, there was no room to sit on the benches, so I squeezed into a place at the rail. This afforded me a breeze, a nice view and something to hold onto, which was lacking near the benches.

A woman sitting on the bench behind me said angrily, "Would you please move? You're standing right in front of me and completely blocking my view."

I was so flustered by her icily commanding tone that I immediately moved away without a word. The idea that it was impolite to block someone's view had never occurred to me, and I'd been on the ferry many times.

Is it discourteous? How should I have responded?

GENTLE READER: Public spaces are, by definition, shared, a fact that surprises a remarkable number of commuters, theatergoers and restaurant patrons.

Your angry fellow traveler was entitled to her own place, but not to yours, no matter how magnificent the view. Miss Manners would have recommended that you counter rudeness with politeness by offering to trade places -- briefly letting go of the rail to demonstrate how necessary it is to maintaining one's balance while underway.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother-in-law has a habit of sending me a text or email with simply "Hey" as the message. If he calls and leaves a voice message, it is always, "Hey. Call me back."

He never says why he is calling. It is almost invariably to complain about a poisonous relationship or a horrible decision, and to ask for advice -- which he promptly refuses to take. (No, you should not bail out your girlfriend after she robbed you.)

If I don't reply, he continues to simply text "Hey."

He's a sweet soul, but he's hopeless and I don't have time for his drama. I have two kids and I'm a full-time student. May I just ignore him?

GENTLE READER: Whether you are being annoyed by your brother-in-law's messages, or just by your cellular telephone beeping, shaking or blinking until you pick up, Miss Manners advises you to ration your responses. Your advice is just as likely to be ignored, but you will not have to give as much of it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The majority of my friends are not sending Christmas cards except on social media or, if lucky, by email. The set with young children all send photo cards without even a signature, let alone a message.

I enjoy creating a simple card and I keep my message short, yet I have a feeling these are received with angst or irritation. If my cards do not bring a warm holiday feel, should I stop the process that now seems selfish since I get the joy of the creation?

GENTLE READER: How do you know that your personalized cards don't create a warm holiday feel in the recipients? And if they also inspire the thought that unsigned cards are a bit pointless, Miss Manners would consider that another contribution.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Many people refer to former senator Hillary Clinton by only her first name. As a woman and a believer in common courtesy, I find this to be incredibly disrespectful, especially when people address other candidates by either their last name only or by their first and last names. Am I the only person who feels this way?

GENTLE READER: No, but it is unlikely that the candidate agrees. Common courtesy is not the only factor involved. There is also politicians' desire to project "the common touch."

Like you, Miss Manners would prefer to see public officials and candidates for office addressed with the dignity of titles. But she yields to the overriding rule that people should be addressed as they wish to be.

Within reason, that is. When our first president proposed that he would be pleased to be called "His High and Mightiness," he was ridiculed into withdrawing the suggestion.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please explain what is meant by "smart business casual" dress.

GENTLE READER: It means: "Can't you please make a little effort to look nice? It's not as though we're even asking you to dress up much, just not to show up looking as if you were home playing video games, or wish you were."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For Secret Santa at the office one year, I got golf tees in the shape of little naked women, with bare breasts and all. (I don't play golf; who plays golf?) They seemed kind of pornographic, for being a Christmas present, and since we had to open the gifts at the office, I got all red in the face and embarrassed, and everyone laughed at me. So I took them home and threw them away.

Another year, I got Christmas socks, with a picture of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, that had blinking lights and played music in little electronic tones. (Yippee!) Again, I was a little embarrassed, trying to say how nice this really awful gift was, and everyone made fun of me. I took them home and threw them away.

But I am not bitter; I understand. I can see that it is a burden to buy and wrap Christmas presents for people whom you may like well enough, when you already have your REAL gifts to buy for people whom you really do wish to please.

Last year, my boss let us have a Christmas brunch, starting at 9:30 a.m., so if you were late to work, you wouldn't be publicly embarrassed. Potluck, but that's OK; it's easier than buying a gift.

The best part was that afterward, we had the whole rest of the day off. We're repeating the brunch this year, so you can bet we will all wish each other some rapid Christmas cheer, and then be on our merry ways. I think it seems like a pretty good idea.

GENTLE READER: Indeed. Of course, just about anything would be better than forcing this foolish, burdensome and potentially embarrassing game on adults.

Miss Manners congratulates your boss for offering the greatest Christmas treat of all (other than a bonus): time off.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I dine out about once a week. He is fond of "people-watching" and likes to look at other diners while we are eating. I think, however, that he tends to stare at people. He says one cannot have an expectation of privacy in a public restaurant. I think it's rude to stare.

Can Miss Manners please explain the difference between staring and people-watching?

GENTLE READER: Staring is when you get caught.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 3-year-old daughter was asked to be a flower girl for the wedding of her father's cousin. Her father and I are no longer together.

While I understand my not being invited to the reception, I feel like I should have been invited to the ceremony to see my daughter as a flower girl (this is her first, and maybe only, time). I know the couple personally, although we are not friends. Space would not be an issue, as the venue is quite large.

Am I being unrealistic with this feeling, or is the couple in the wrong?

GENTLE READER: While it is understandable that you would want to see your daughter in the "role" of flower girl, this is not a pageant, but a family event -- a family of which you are no longer a part.

Miss Manners understands that people confuse weddings with entertainment nowadays, what with wedding parties being chosen for their looks and guests all but charged admission under the guise of "honeymoon funds." Nevertheless, weddings are not intended to be theatrical events, and stage mothers are not required.

So please send your daughter off cheerfully to enjoy herself at the wedding. There will be plenty of her relatives there to look after her. And there will doubtless be pictures, and perhaps videos, that you will be able to see later.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have golfed for over 30 years and am female! I love the game and the etiquette of the sport, rules, peacefulness, etc.

In the past two years, I have experienced folks, male and female, who play music on the course! When asked to shut off the music, some do -- however, most are offended!

Please ask new and old golfers to bone up on rules of golf course etiquette! I am tempted to start singing at the top of my voice next time! Trust me, they don't want to experience that!

GENTLE READER: They should try corresponding with you! The experience might be similar!

Miss Manners presumes that the music being played is portable and not piped in through speakers on the golf course. You could politely ask management to make and enforce a blanket policy about music so that you are not put in the position of policing and educating your fellow golfers. Miss Manners fears that that is why these players are taking offense, more than at the request itself.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)