DEAR MISS MANNERS: Why have women become unconcerned with how much of their bra and/or bra straps are uncovered?

I saw a young woman with a cute top that covered all in front, yet the entire back of her bra was fully uncovered. The label was visible, and I was tempted to tell her that she wore the same size as my wife. Of course I did not.

GENTLE READER: How very restrained of you.

But while Miss Manners agrees that ladies should be taking care to cover their undergarments, she warns that failure to do so does not constitute an invitation to get as close as you must have done to read that label. She will work on keeping ladies looking respectable, if you will kindly work on keeping a respectable distance.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a friend's second home for the weekend with my kids. I called to ask what can I bring. She told me five pounds of dog food for her dog and five pounds of bacon.

I did bring the bacon, but I thought the dog food was rude. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That you are assuming that the bacon is for the guests.

Miss Manners is amused by the distinction you draw between supplying people and dogs. While it might have seemed an odd request, the subtext of your rejection is that you find it rude to ask to provide for anyone other than the guests.

You did not have to ask what to bring (although for a weekend stay, a present is polite), but as you did, you should acknowledge that something for the general use of the hosts and residents of the house is not unwarranted.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I finally have a home where I have enough room to invite people over for dinner, something I have been wanting to do for a long time. I like to cook and offer the hospitality of a meal, and I enjoy the company of my friends.

However, over the last few years, it seems that everyone I know has some kind of food allergy, or thinks something is just "bad for you," whether they are medically intolerant of it or not, and won't eat it.

I have known I am lactose-intolerant since I was 22 or so, but I offer food made with dairy because I know others can enjoy it. Lately a lot of people I know who ate gluten in the past say they can no longer do so. Then another friend says he can't eat gluten OR nuts. Another just doesn't like to eat fowl.

I remember when people just used to eat food. It has become quite a challenge to create a menu everyone will enjoy without creating individual dishes for each.

Would it be less than generous to ask people with such restrictive diets to bring their own dish to make sure there is something they can eat?

GENTLE READER: Yes. But it is not that Miss Manners does not sympathize. If you make a variety of foods with a reasonable effort at addressing the most prevalent -- and popular -- restrictions, that is the best that you can do. And Miss Manners will work on getting everyone else to eat what they can and otherwise, for heaven's sake, to keep quiet about it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After my summer birthday, I mailed my thank-you notes for all the gifts I received. And because I had purchased too many stamps for last year's holiday cards, I have been using the surplus postage for the past few months so as to not be wasteful.

Imagine my chagrin when a few thank-you note recipients gently chided me for using poinsettia stamps in the summertime. Miss Manners, was it in poor taste for me to use "seasonally inappropriate" stamps for my personal correspondence?

GENTLE READER: Wrong question. Was it in poor taste, however jocular the intention, for your correspondents to complain about the stamps? For goodness' sake, do they know how often people do not receive any thanks at all for their presents?

That some people enjoy coordinating stamps with occasions, Miss Manners knows. Evidently you did so last winter. But this should not obscure the fact that stamps are the currency by which postage is paid. Do these people object if they are given bills on Presidents' Day that picture the wrong president?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a running disagreement with my wife. Is it OK to use the side of your fork as a knife to cut food from time to time? Must one always use a knife to cut?

GENTLE READER: When spouses disagree, Miss Manners always hopes to find a solution that gives each some claim to being right. It is her little contribution to saving marriages.

However, you alone are right. For mysterious reasons having to do with the history of flatware, the fork, although adopted centuries after the knife, is considered the preferable instrument to use when possible. The most she can do for your wife is to say that if cutting with a fork is so ineffective as to splash the resisting food about, the knife should be used.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My same-sex partner and I have been together for 25 years and have gotten accustomed to having an "outlaw" relationship, so we've never felt the need to get married. However, now that marriage benefits are being extended to same-sex couples, we've decided to get married.

It will be totally low-key -- we'll take two witnesses with us, drive over, get married, go out to lunch and drive back. Then we'll mail announcements to our friends and family.

We have two questions. First, if our situation calls for language in the announcement other than the traditional, what do you recommend? Second, since we're retired and have everything we need, we simply want to announce our marriage and not generate a stream of unneeded gifts.

Would it be appropriate to include a short note with the announcements stating this preference? If so, do you have any language to recommend?

GENTLE READER: As you are willing to write short notes, Miss Manners recommends doing that in place of a formal announcement.

That is not because you are a same-sex couple -- the wording would be no different -- but because you want a low-key tone. And also, frankly, because of the vulgar but widespread notion that formal communications require recipients to reply with presents.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Complaint letters used to be seen only by the hapless elected officials, newspaper publishers and corporate complaint departments (the latter renamed "customer service" in a vain attempt to get customers to the point) to whom they were addressed.

Technology has now fixed things so one cannot go a day without seeing a stranger's written complaints, whether appended as comments to posted articles or blogs, delivered as reviews on sellers' websites, or forwarded in round-robin emails.

This outpouring of effort has not, unfortunately, elevated the form. It is time for a gentle reminder on how to complain.

The proper purpose of a complaint letter is not, counterintuitive though this may be, to complain. The purpose is to persuade the recipient to solve the problem. (Proper consumer reviews, though equally misunderstood, Miss Manners leaves for another day.)

The letter that begins "Dear Idiot, you ruined my life" serves only a therapeutic purpose, and a pyrrhic one at that. While there is a growing online audience that applauds vitriol, it does not include the object of the customer's wrath. Everyone with constituents, customers or subscribers has seen enough angry and sarcastic letters to become immune to the usual form.

Therefore, a good complaint letter dispassionately enumerates facts and concludes with one or more solutions that should be acceptable to reasonable parties. Statements about the recipient's mental acuity or other personal attributes do not fall within Miss Manners' definition of "facts." Exaggeration only makes it easy to dismiss the writer as hysterical.

The Industrial Revolution allowed the mass manufacture not just of goods, but also mistakes. If you tell a manufacturer what went wrong, he may well have heard it before -- which will, one hopes, encourage him to find a solution before more cases emerge. When the automobile industry saw such a situation, it found that the second thousand reports were harder to ignore than the first thousand. Even if you are the first to report a problem, the company cannot fix what it does not know about.

As to what constitutes a "solution," Miss Manners hastens to clarify that she is talking about fixing the original problem, not the writer's resulting mental state. Her preferred solutions do not include violence.

Miss Manners realizes that you are so worked up as to deem it impossible to avoid personal attacks on the recipient and a delineation of your own wrecked emotions. But if the consequences of the mistake that gave rise to the complaint are so terrible that an unemotional response is truly impossible, then it may be one of those times where etiquette must defer to legal action.

However, it may be of some comfort to hear that eschewing violence and emotion does not rule out the thoughtful threat -- so long as it is not idle and does not happen too early in the process.

"I'm going to sue you for all you're worth!" has no impact on those who hear it hourly. Try, "In reference to the attached complaint and subsequent follow-up letters, please be advised that if this situation is not rectified within three days, I will be advising the housing authority."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to have a private conversation in earshot of others in a public place without including them?

GENTLE READER: No, presuming that you have no connection, not even a temporary one, to these people. But Miss Manners would hope that you know how foolhardy it is to assume that you have not handed over private information to strangers.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)