DEAR MISS MANNERS: Most of our friends and acquaintances, married or not, have now embarked on the task of producing children. This means I am invited to multitudes of baby showers, sometimes more than one for each baby.

I disapprove of baby showers for two reasons: First, we are in a global resource crisis, and people, especially Americans, should have fewer children; and second, showers encourage wasteful consumerism, when the mother can easily obtain hand-me-downs for her rapidly growing child.

I am also alarmed at the shocking number of otherwise intelligent people who, despite this being the First World with various forms of birth control widely available, still have unplanned pregnancies and make no secret of this fact.

The majority of my friends' pregnancies have been associated with shotgun weddings, underwater home mortgages, or conception occurring immediately following the loss of the father's job.

For these reasons and others, I am generally not thrilled when my friends become pregnant. I love my friends, but once they have kids, they fall off the face of the earth. It makes me sad to lose my friends and watch them throw away their promising careers and lives to enter the black hole of babydom (which, despite common arguments to the contrary, almost all do).

Given this, it seems inappropriate for me to attend baby showers. My friends are all familiar with my views on reproduction. I am happy to help my friends in other ways -- come over and do the household chores for a day, for instance. But is there a polite way to decline to attend a good friend's shower?

GENTLE READER: Yes, certainly. It is: "Thank you so much for the invitation, but I will not be able to attend."

Miss Manners notices that being familiar with your views did not deter your friends from having children, so you needn't feel neglectful about refraining from repeating them after the fact.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister and brother-in-law are going through a very bitter divorce. We have since found out that he is a liar and a cheat, and a man without honor.

There will be times in the future that we are attending the same social function (graduation, wedding, etc.). How do I show my disdain for this man without being considered rude? What if he should approach me to speak? What if he is with someone? What if he is with the woman that has contributed to the breakup of the marriage?

GENTLE READER: A divorce, like a funeral, has many mourners but few principals. (Miss Manners has noticed that participants in a divorce sometimes also divest themselves of their principles, but that is a separate topic.)

Proper responses can range from a cold aloofness to a deliberate snub, but as your grievance is subsidiary to your sister's, your behavior should follow her lead, without exceeding it in severity. Even then, it must be done quietly, so that your reaction will not attract the attention of other guests. Please remember that your primary obligation at such events is to avoid spoiling them with the fallout from less happy situations.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a small group of friends who like to get together regularly to have dinner and socialize, which is fun. Most of the group have limited funds and very small apartments with no dining area, and can't accommodate our group.

I recall that Miss Manners has said proper etiquette dictates the hosts should provide the evening's dinner and drinks. We have enough space to handle the group, but not the budget to entertain everyone as regularly as we'd all like. Trying to entertain regularly is taking a financial toll.

It has been suggested that we switch to hosting potlucks so we can get together as a group more than once or twice a year. What are Miss Manners' thoughts, and does proper etiquette allow for the potluck?

GENTLE READER: Of course it does, presuming that all parties to it are agreeable.

What you have mistaken as a total ban is her objection to the bait-and-switch scheme by which people issue social invitations to those who are subsequently ordered to contribute to the catering.

This has become so widespread that many guests feel they cannot show up to social events without bringing food that they expect to be served. And that creates a problem for truly hospitable hosts, whose menus have been sabotaged by unexpected additions.

But Miss Manners has no objection whatsoever to a frankly cooperative meal among people who have agreed on this form. She is not quite such a killjoy as you have been led to believe.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend was approached at his daughter's birthday party by several of his ex-wife's new friends. He was told how happy they were for them (ex-wife was pregnant with new husband's child) and how beautiful they were as a family. He said thank you and left it at that, so as not to create an awkward moment.

What should he have done in this situation? Should he have corrected his ex-wife's friends or simply done what he did and say thank you?

In another situation, I was introduced to someone who did not know my boyfriend's ex-wife and said "... and you are (my boyfriend's ex-wife's name)?"

I said, "No, I am ..." and stated my name. What is a girl to do? Please let us know what to do with these awkward situations.

GENTLE READER: These people seem to have a lot of clueless friends. Anyone who is close enough to be invited to the child's birthday party ought surely to know to whom their friends are married or not married.

Less culpable is the person who assumed you were your predecessor, although Miss Manners keeps warning people to stop guessing at relationships, rather than waiting to be told. Mature parents who are assumed to be their children's grandparents are plagued by this.

Nevertheless, you and your friend seem to have handled these mistakes gracefully. Whatever embarrassment these people may feel on discovering their mistakes was brought on by themselves, and may teach them to be more careful in the future.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a 39-year-old single father who has a beautiful 4-year-old girl, I would like to know what is proper etiquette for taking my daughter shopping for clothes and then having to take her to try them on in a fitting room.

I went to the women's dressing room and didn't know if I should go in. There were moms sitting down waiting for their children to come out of rooms. My child still needs a little help.

GENTLE READER: This is an adorable daddy-daughter ritual, and one with which Miss Manners is certain the waiting mothers would sympathize. You need only apologize for intruding and state your dilemma to have them offer to help, or to cordon off an area for your use.

But it is also possible to avoid the awkwardness completely by taking advantage of the many Internet options and liberal return policies the modern world offers. The two of you could pick out returnable clothing together on the Internet and have it sent. Or you could choose clothing in stores and have her try it on at home.

When the time comes for her to try on prom and wedding dresses, she presumably will be old enough to work the zippers herself and to emerge from the dressing room for your approval -- also a charming ritual.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been attending yoga at a studio that plays music that is not very conducive to the practice of yoga.

I realize that there are more nontraditional studios these days playing everything from '90s grunge, to current R&B, to DJs performing during yoga classes. But as a musician myself, I feel the teachers are missing an opportunity to use music in a healing way.

Maybe it just comes down to personal preference, but is it too selfish to ask the instructor to change the music?

GENTLE READER: Yes. As a musician yourself, how would you respond if after advertising and playing, for example, your finest Stravinsky, a patron suggested that you play something a little more soothing?

If you don't like the music at your yoga studio, Miss Manners urges you to change classes. But please don't offer your unsolicited critiques to a place that has already asserted and established its own artistic vision.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My in-laws and my family all live in the same city where I live with my husband and two children. All of my husband's family, who live in the suburbs, constantly make reference to us living in the "hood," crime, etc.

The part of the city in which we live is actually the area where the old money and the old families live. So it is not that I question where we live. I am just tired of hearing the comments. How can I politely get them to stop?

GENTLE READER: "Oh, I'm sorry that you don't feel safe in our neighborhood. We love it."

Please refrain from adding anything about old money versus new. Miss Manners assures you that it will only make you seem defensive and start an unpleasant conversation that will thwart the intention of getting them to keep their opinions to themselves.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)