DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law seems unable to tolerate a reciprocal relationship where she accepts our hospitality or gift, and then she hosts us, gives us something, etc.

If we visit her, she gives us gifts and insists on paying "because we came all that way," but if she visits us it's different. This time she needs to pay for things "because we did so much."

She literally argued that a coin flip would be unfair to determine which couple got the better room in a shared suite. (The only fair thing would be if she and hubby took the lesser accommodation.)

I thought we made headway in the last visit. They accepted our hosting, but also took us out. Now I just received, after the fact, an additional gift certificate by email. I suffer from my own malady of really liking things to be equal, but this doesn't seem possible. What should I feel, do or say?

GENTLE READER: "Thank you," while trying not to sigh audibly. And when you take them out, make arrangements about the bill in advance.

In a world of moochers (such a satisfying word), excessive generosity may be a lesser annoyance, but Miss Manners thoroughly sympathizes with your discomfort.

However well your relatives think they mean, they are putting you in their perpetual debt, which is not pleasant.

You will, of course, thank them for the gift certificate. But you might want to add that you are saving it -- whether it is a meal out, or a present you should choose -- to enjoy with them on their next visit.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in customer service, and every day I send 20 or so emails saying, "So-and-so, your order for X has been processed ..."

Often my emails receive no response, but sometimes the recipient replies, "Thank you!" or "Thank you."

When he/she includes the exclamation point, I usually reply, "You're welcome!" so as to match the sender's punctuation. However, I never know what to write when someone omits punctuation or uses a period.

"You're welcome" sounds kind of flat and could be seen as sarcastic or irritated. Is it rude to refrain from responding? Should I nix the "You're welcome" for impersonal situations? I don't want to annoy people by blowing up their inbox with pointless pleasantries.

GENTLE READER: There are those who feel that "unnecessary" courtesies pose a mortal threat to cyberspace, but Miss Manners is not among them.

Recognizing that you are in customer service, Miss Manners would like to introduce you to the Reasonable Person -- who does not read special meaning into a period at the end of a sentence. She trusts that a customer who takes time to write "Thank you" will not be incensed by your replying "You are welcome" (thus settling the punctuation dilemma).

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I will be throwing my son a "going to college" party. Is it tacky to register for gifts and put the stores on the invitations?

GENTLE READER: Have you been besieged by people asking you what your son would like to have at college?

Presumably, these would be people whose children you help support. Even so, Miss Manners advises you to answer them individually when they beg to know what to contribute rather than pressuring others by distributing solicitations.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have had the good fortune to both go to the U.S. and have American visitors here in Sweden many times. I love the U.S., the American hospitality and the positive attitude that most seem to have, except regarding one thing that I don't know how to address:

So many have a negative attitude about their own country, calling themselves ignorant, lacking any form of refinement or culture and, even worse, presuming that I, as a European, should share their negativity about the U.S.

I tell them that I go there because I love the country, that I think American novelists, playwrights, directors and so on may be the most influential of all, and that I am happy to learn about historical landmarks and so on.

Yet I very often get things like, "This is the oldest building in this town, but I guess it is nothing to you." (I have three 1,000-year-old churches within walking distance, but am still just as impressed by what I get to see in the U.S.)

I am happy to talk about American politics -- in general and with a positive attitude -- but often get to hear how bad it is, and how embarrassing it is that they don't know anything about our government, even though I say it is natural, since American politics affect the whole world, whereas we are a very small country in the outskirts of Europe.

Sometimes it seems that the only way to get out of it is to say, "Yes, I guess you are right, the U.S. sucks." Then they would surely change their tune, but I refuse to go there.

GENTLE READER: Wouldn't you think that there is enough lamentable anti-Americanism in the world that Americans wouldn't want to add to it?

But what you describe, and Miss Manners deplores, is a peculiarly old sense of inferiority, echoing the sneers of Europeans two centuries ago, when the United States, as a "young country," was denigrated as rough, ignorant, uncultured and ill-behaved.

Considering that America was then represented abroad by such people as Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin, it was not an observant assumption. It is even less so now that the American arts are world-class.

Jingoism is also offensive, Miss Manners hastens to add. Those who boastingly claim that everything is perfect in their country, whatever it is, are as unpleasant as they are unbelievable.

But Miss Manners asks you to consider that people who air specific complaints, political or otherwise, may not be guilty of either extreme. Feeling free to dissent -- and to grouse -- is actually a point of pride in America. It is the generalized dismissal of the country that Miss Manners finds offensive, as you do.

She hopes that when you hear such talk, you will gently counter it with your own more informed views.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I properly introduce the divorced parents of the groom?

GENTLE READER: They've already met.

Oh, you mean to other people. "This is Zachary's mother ..." "This is Zachary's father ..." along with their names.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband has the (bad) habit of "looking up" information regularly on his cellphone in the middle of conversations. (He looks up information relevant to the conversation topic.)

I've just gotten used to it when the two of us are alone, but at times he does it when we are out with others. I have told him I think this is extremely rude, especially because our companions must think he's checking his email and ignoring them, and I have suggested that at the very least he explain, "You mentioned sweetbread recipes; I'm checking the ingredients." But he won't.

How should I behave when he does this? Stern looks have no effect. Should I make light of it and offer our companions an explanation -- "Herbert is always looking up interesting facts"? Or do I just bite my tongue and let our companions feel insulted?

GENTLE READER? The former. If your husband won't offer an excuse as to why he is checking his phone, then you may do so on his behalf. If you do it enough, perhaps he will start to do it himself.

But at the very least, you will feel better and your companions will feel less slighted. You may tell Herbert from Miss Manners, however, what you and your friends already know: that disrupting the flow of conversation in the name of enhancing the conversation may actually be the death of conversation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 15-year-old son wishes to participate in an after-school activity that lets out at 4:30 p.m. My husband and I cannot always get to the school by 4:30 p.m. because of work.

A friend of his who lives down the road is participating, and I told my son he should see if he can hitch a ride home with his friend and walk home from his house.

He feels this is rude, and I cannot convince him otherwise -- you are the final word. I offered to talk to the parents, but he thinks that, too, is rude.

Is it rude to ask your friend to ride home with him? Or for me to ask the parents this?

GENTLE READER: As long as you promise to avoid words like "hitch," Miss Manners finds nothing rude in asking for a ride. Presumably it would be the parents of the other boy driving, so it is best for you to ask them directly: "On days that we aren't able to get to the school on time, would it be all right if Harrison rode home with you and walked from there?"

Do not abuse the privilege and do offer to reciprocate, driving or doing other favors, wherever you can.

But Miss Manners urges you to check with your son if there are other reasons that he might not want to infringe on his friend. If it is truly good manners, Miss Manners is happy to reassure him. But if there is another reason -- or he just prefers to be left to his own devices -- that might be a conversation worth having, before you hear about it from an alternate source.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)