DEAR MISS MANNERS: A guy I just started dating took me out to dinner for my birthday on our fourth date. He raised his glass and made a toast in my honor.

I chimed in during the toast to say something nice about him as well. He said that I should not have interrupted the toast. I suggested that correcting etiquette is also not proper form. Can you help us?

GENTLE READER: There were three breaches of etiquette by Miss Manners' count. You interrupted your date while he was speaking. He admonished you. And you admonished him.

Assuming that the evening did not end with a fourth, unreported breach -- for example, his drink on your dress -- and that a fifth date is therefore a possibility, Miss Manners prescribes apologies all around.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation for my niece's baby shower, where the hosts listed are her 7- and 2-year-old daughters. This means her daughters will be the ones to run any shower games and to open each gift for their mother.

Her 7-year-old (4 years old at that time) was allowed to do that at her bridal shower. It was very annoying and time-consuming. Is this the trend now for parties, allowing the kids to be the hostesses?

GENTLE READER: The practice of using a party as a stage for one's children to bore the guests is not, Miss Manners notes, new.

And there is certainly a trend toward misunderstanding the duties of a host, which include inviting and entertaining the guests, not focusing on being the recipient of gifts. Etiquette sets no minimum age, but does require that a host understand -- not to mention fulfill -- her duties. It also prohibits her from throwing a shower for herself, or even agreeing to one when it is not her first child.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of the people in our office (a second career for me, where everyone is 20 years younger) is getting married next fall. I have picked up some indications that this individual may feel obligated to invite everyone from the office.

While I would be honored and delighted to be invited, I know that in this case the guest list is limited. I would not want to displace another guest who is more deserving.

Is there any tactful way to pre-emptively handle this situation? I thought of taking the individual aside and explaining all of this, but I don't think that would be "correct," especially because it is possible I've misread the situation entirely. Is it better to politely decline the invitation with some made-up excuse, or just cheerfully attend?

GENTLE READER: There is no correct way to decline an invitation that has not been issued, even if you feel that accepting would place undo hardship on your host. Should you be invited, Miss Manners suggests that you not explain your reason for declining, as the assertion that an invitation was not made wholeheartedly is not a flattering one. She also expects that you will not feel offended if the invitation does not materialize. If it does, you may treat it as sincere and accept if you wish.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My wife and I have the good fortune to be co-owners of a house near the beach. When we can't use it, we often offer it to friends for the weekend or the week. This is a community where many of the houses are rented during the summer at rather high rates.

I am surprised that while our friends have thanked us (usually just an email), there has been no offer of any reciprocity beyond that, and often the thank-you seems rather perfunctory.

In particular, one close friend has stayed there five times. After her last stay, I wrote her an email suggesting that she might want to buy a small item that we could use at the house. I never received a response to that email, and I thought that perhaps the email had gone astray (it happens).

But the last time I saw her, she mentioned that it was still "at the top of her mind." Now a half-year later, we had already made that purchase, and I told her so.

I know that she, her husband, children, mother, father and aunt enjoy their time at the beach, and when we can't use the house it seems silly to have it go unoccupied. But at the same time, I feel like I have been very generous without any sign of reciprocity.

Suggestions? Or should one just realize that generosity is its own reward, and if that is not enough, stop offering?

GENTLE READER: That generosity should be its own total reward, to the extent that it is defiled by the expectation even of any acknowledgment, is an argument with which Miss Manners is only too familiar.

But she generally hears it from youngsters who are indignant that their selfish grandmothers expect them to say they received presents she sent. Instead of troubling them, why not just look to see if the checks are being cashed?

This is not an argument that charms Miss Manners, even when it is bolstered by recitals of how many other demands there are on teenagers' valuable time. She does not have far to go to find greater examples of selfishness than that of hoping to hear that one's attempts to please have been successful.

In your case, you can presume that these people like the beach house, because they keep coming back. What is lacking is any sign that they actually like you for providing it. Surely if they did, they would invite you to visit them, or otherwise exhibit gratitude (in more than a five-second email) for this enormous annual favor.

Personally, Miss Manners would be thinking warmly about strangers who pay those rather high rents. Call her selfish, but she thinks of it as saving those friends from the selfishness into which they have sunk.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best response to people I know casually and to strangers that tell me to smile?

GENTLE READER: "Say something witty that I've never heard before."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My young children had been invited to several birthday parties where some variation of "No gifts" had been designated. I decided to take them at their word and not bring a gift.

At the door, we were met by an adorable birthday child whose little face fell as she asked my son, "Didn't you bring a gift?" while pointing to a table full of presents behind her. Everyone else had brought something anyway!

Having learned that hard lesson, I brought a small gift to the next "No gifts" party. This time all the other parents commented that the invitation had clearly stated no gifts, and I was making everyone look bad. Ack!

When the next "No gifts" invitation inevitably arrives, what do I do? My inclination is not to attend rather than continue to get it wrong.

GENTLE READER: This is exactly why Miss Manners has a rule against "No gifts" on an invitation. It plants an explicit expectation where there wasn't one. Clearly, no good can come from doing this if people are ignoring it.

If you are told "No gifts" again and decide to go to the party anyway, do as instructed. And if this meets with a disappointed child, try saying, "I'm so sorry, but your parents told me not to bring anything."

While it won't feel good in the moment to dash the hopes of an adorable (but etiquette-impaired) child, doing so may teach him two invaluable lessons: never to ask for presents -- and never to let his parents make rude requests on his behalf that they don't intend to keep.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best course of action if one is at a movie theater and someone tall enough to block your view sits in front of you?

When asked, some tall friends of mine say that they would be bothered by someone asking them to move because the person seated behind them is the one with the problem, so they should be the one to move. Other tall friends of mine say that they would consider someone getting up to move right after they sit in front of them to be more offensive because it's a passive-aggressive behavior.

Are tall folks obliged to try to avoid sitting in front of people, especially short people, if possible? Does the fullness of the theater affect these metrics at all?

GENTLE READER: Well, yes, Miss Manners would think so. If it is a practically empty theater and a tall person sits in front of a smaller one, she would consider that aggressive-aggressive behavior.

It is generally good form for a taller person to take into consideration the comfort and sight lines of others --and when it is at all possible, to try to avoid sitting in front of them. However, if they misjudge the situation and do it anyway, Miss Manners is inclined to forgive them -- but only if they agree not to get offended if the people behind them move.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)