DEAR MISS MANNERS: My young children had been invited to several birthday parties where some variation of "No gifts" had been designated. I decided to take them at their word and not bring a gift.

At the door, we were met by an adorable birthday child whose little face fell as she asked my son, "Didn't you bring a gift?" while pointing to a table full of presents behind her. Everyone else had brought something anyway!

Having learned that hard lesson, I brought a small gift to the next "No gifts" party. This time all the other parents commented that the invitation had clearly stated no gifts, and I was making everyone look bad. Ack!

When the next "No gifts" invitation inevitably arrives, what do I do? My inclination is not to attend rather than continue to get it wrong.

GENTLE READER: This is exactly why Miss Manners has a rule against "No gifts" on an invitation. It plants an explicit expectation where there wasn't one. Clearly, no good can come from doing this if people are ignoring it.

If you are told "No gifts" again and decide to go to the party anyway, do as instructed. And if this meets with a disappointed child, try saying, "I'm so sorry, but your parents told me not to bring anything."

While it won't feel good in the moment to dash the hopes of an adorable (but etiquette-impaired) child, doing so may teach him two invaluable lessons: never to ask for presents -- and never to let his parents make rude requests on his behalf that they don't intend to keep.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best course of action if one is at a movie theater and someone tall enough to block your view sits in front of you?

When asked, some tall friends of mine say that they would be bothered by someone asking them to move because the person seated behind them is the one with the problem, so they should be the one to move. Other tall friends of mine say that they would consider someone getting up to move right after they sit in front of them to be more offensive because it's a passive-aggressive behavior.

Are tall folks obliged to try to avoid sitting in front of people, especially short people, if possible? Does the fullness of the theater affect these metrics at all?

GENTLE READER: Well, yes, Miss Manners would think so. If it is a practically empty theater and a tall person sits in front of a smaller one, she would consider that aggressive-aggressive behavior.

It is generally good form for a taller person to take into consideration the comfort and sight lines of others --and when it is at all possible, to try to avoid sitting in front of them. However, if they misjudge the situation and do it anyway, Miss Manners is inclined to forgive them -- but only if they agree not to get offended if the people behind them move.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My parents are taking my husband and me on an island vacation with them this summer. We haven't always had the best relationship, although things have been going well for some time now.

Could you provide some tips on how to vacation with parents and/or in-laws, what to remember and what to avoid, that might help me (and others) to contribute to the creation of a memorable experience for all?

GENTLE READER: It is all too easy to have a memorable experience when vacationing with relatives with whom you have not always gotten along. Miss Manners would have thought your goal was the opposite.

The answer to your question is: relentless good manners. That would bar any complaints, whether about the conditions of the trip or the history of the relationship, in favor of showing appreciation of this opportunity. Oh, and don't talk politics.

That may be counterintuitive in an age that considers rudeness more relaxing and therefore more appropriate to a vacation. It might also help to preserve some time for separate activities, which will be easier to do if your island destination is closer in size to Greenland than to Grenada.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am the president of a homeowners' association at times I write memos that require answers, but instead of answering the questions, two of our members' sister-in-laws instead let me know that I miss spelled a word.

Repeatedly I have apologized for my lack of spelling skills, but still they have to go on about how I cannot spell and I should use a dictionary because roof is not spelled roff, a simple error, they understood the content.

Is it rude to tell someone they made a mistake rather then just answer the question?

GENTLE READER: It is. Otherwise, Miss Manners would have pointed out that "misspelled" is one word, not two, it's "sisters-in-law," and that run-on sentences are exhausting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there a polite way to get away from boring people?

GENTLE READER: There are many, but application -- and effectiveness -- depends on context.

The person at a cocktail party buffet can be escaped with a simple, "Excuse me." The person on your left at a dinner party can -- after a decent interval -- be dismissed with the excuse of attending to the person on your right. (If the right-hand person is equally dull, you may have to wait for dessert.)

For spouses and other relatives, Miss Manners cautions that lasting solutions lie outside the boundaries of etiquette.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How should I respond when a supervisor at work apologizes for being cranky?

It is nice that they apologized because they were cranky. However, I somehow feel that acknowledging that they were cranky could be an insult to them, and so simply saying "thank you" might not work toward my career goals.

GENTLE READER: Illogical as such behavior would be on the part of your supervisor, Miss Manners recognizes that you may be right. The trick is to downplay the impact of the behavior without denying its existence: "That's kind of you to apologize, but please, don't worry about it."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: During our adventure of driving up Pikes Peak in Colorado, my girlfriend and I stopped to admire the view, and she wandered up the road to take some pictures.

I joined her, and as we returned to our vehicle, there was a steep 1/4-mile drop on one side. The other side was the road, where there wasn't a great deal of traffic. I considered the drop-off to be the greater hazard, so I walked on that side.

Was that the correct, gallant decision?

GENTLE READER: Indeed. Just as a gallant gentleman precedes a lady down a staircase, so that if she trips she will have something soft on which to land, a gentleman should walk on the side of the cliff.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am engaged but have been married before. My finance has been married twice.

How do we let people know we would appreciate gift cards instead of gifts at our reception? We have three of everything.

GENTLE READER: If you have three of everything, why aren't you thinking of sharing with those who don't have any, instead of plotting to make others help you get even more?

And by the way, the word is "fiance," not "finance." Or maybe in this case, it is.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it OK to host an informal dinner while in bare feet? I walk around my home in bare feet all the time, but I wonder if it is proper when guests come over. I do not know if it is perceived as unsanitary, since I am finishing preparing a meal in my kitchen.

I have wondered if the boundaries of what is proper have changed about showing feet. We now have spas that do a booming business keeping our feet in beautiful condition, as well as body-care products for those who like to do it themselves at home.

It is possible to have beautiful feet and toenails, which are equally attractive. In our ever-changing society, how is current etiquette decided? It seems to this reader that the "no feet showing" rule belongs in the 19th century when all of a woman's body had to be covered in public.

But if it is still proper that one should never wear sandals except on the beach, it will save me much money in pedicures and fine sandals. However, on 100-degree days I may moan a bit.

GENTLE READER: Actually, you would have loved the 19th century, when the glimpse of a lady's trim ankle was considered erotically exciting. Somehow, Miss Manners doesn't think that toenails, however stunning, have quite the same effect today. Still, you could show them off in open-toed (now called peep-toe) shoes or sandals with soles.

The propriety of total barefootedness depends on what you mean by an informal dinner. Would it be a picnic on the patio, although this is not the best idea if it is really 100 degrees out? Would the guests know that they need not change from whatever they lounge around in at home?

If it is anything slightly more structured, Miss Manners would recommend starting with shoes, and then kicking them off, as ladies in tight shoes are wont to do under the table even at the most formal dinners.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)