DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a 7-year-old daughter who is very interested in learning how to become a lady. We practice formal dining situations, and she has been asking some questions that I do not know how to answer, as I was raised a bumpkin myself:

If someone wants more dessert, may they ask for seconds?

What do you call a lady-child or a child-gentleman?

If Mommy is the hostess, can the child help her bring things to the table, or does she have to sit like a statue?

And her cutest question: If a child makes everyone at the dinner table laugh and spit out their food, what are we supposed to do next?

GENTLE READER? Presuming that you refrain from spitting out your food, you seem to have outgrown bumpkinhood. Miss Manners doubts that you would otherwise have reared a daughter with an awareness of -- and even interest in -- etiquette. She offers her congratulations on that.

It might be even more interesting (and instructive) for your daughter to dramatize the situations that piqued her curiosity.

What if she were the hostess, and her guests asked for seconds, but there wasn't any more, or at least not enough to go around? Yet if she did have more dessert to offer, she would be likely to produce it when guests merely said how delicious it was. So no, don't ask outright, because you might embarrass the hostess by implying that she didn't make enough.

Miss Manners is afraid to ask what a lady-child or a child-gentleman is exactly. But Miss Manners imagines someone of, say, 7 would be flattered to be addressed as "Miss Emily" or "Miss Jones" (or "Master," for a boy).

Third, if she were a guest, what would she think of a young person who sat like a statue, letting her mother do all the work? Surely she should be acting as a deputy hostess. Not only should the child of the hostess offer to help, it is her duty.

And finally, Miss Manners has been advised that a main rule of comedy is to know your audience. If you know that they have just taken a big bite of food, maybe it is not the moment to tell them your best joke. But if food is expelled with the laugh, the deputy hostess would good-naturedly offer to help clean up, skipping over the possibility of embarrassment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Are open-face cucumber sandwiches served at high tea with a fork or as finger food?

GENTLE READER: It is not easy to cut a cucumber with a fork. Fortunately, it is not necessary to try, as tea sandwiches are finger food.

However, Miss Manners must correct your misuse of the term "high tea," which is a light, informal supper, with more fortifying food than cucumber sandwiches. Those are served at what is simply called afternoon tea, or even just "tea."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper and also gracious way to introduce the mother of a future baby whose parents are not married nor plan to remain close?

The future father is our relative, and neither family nor friends know the young lady. Are terms like "sister-in-law, cousin, granddaughter," etc., misleading and out of the question?

GENTLE READER: If the mother is not planning to stick around, Miss Manners would not have thought that how to introduce her would be a problem. Certainly if the relatives plan to gather at the hospital, her connection to the goings-on should be self-evident.

But assuming that introductions will be necessary in the future, you have public (as opposed to romantic, or perhaps unromantic) facts to use. Introducing her by her name, adding, by way of any needed identification, "Noah's mother" or "Our little cousin's mother," will not draw attention to an omission that was, in any case, not yours.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I grew up with an alcoholic father and have a very clear picture of the downsides of alcohol. I drink only occasionally, and I tend to come up with excuses at social events where I don't drink: I'm the designated driver, I have an early start in the morning, I'm watching my calories, etc.

Is there a polite way to tell well-meaning but intrusive friends that comments about my drinking behaviors are not welcome?

GENTLE READER: The freedom with which casual acquaintances -- and even strangers -- press the most personal questions is a constant source of astonishment to Miss Manners.

Possibly these people are encouraged by the fact that you are not in possession of a drink to throw in their faces. So you could arm yourself early in the event with an ambiguous glass of orange juice or sparkling water with a slice of lime.

You do not actually need an excuse; you could keep repeating, "Thank you, I don't care for a drink" until the nosy become bored with probing. Or you could keep repeating the answers you have been giving. Remarkably, people who do not respect personal privacy are unlikely to question a desire to lose weight, the needs of the job or driver safety.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My signature appetizer dish for years has been my spinach dip. I am going to a game-watching party, and my "friend" who knows this is my dish says that she is bringing it.

I feel she should have asked if I was bringing it, as she knows I always do. I told her I'm bringing mine regardless, and there will be plenty of spinach dip for all!

GENTLE READER: Will the teams be negotiating their own disagreements, or will there be a referee?

Miss Manners thought so. In the absence of what used to be called a host -- who either provides the food himself or awards jurisdiction for different dishes at a potluck -- you will have to hope that everyone likes spinach. (And if you want to offer the other fans an additional contest to watch and possibly cheer, you could label your offering "Sofia's original spinach dip.")

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to react when someone says their loved one is being deployed?

Often times, people feel honored and excited to serve their country; however, most have some level of sadness and trepidation. I don't want to come off as thinking it is a death sentence, but I want to convey the proper sympathy.

GENTLE READER: If you must guess at people's unexpressed feelings -- always a highly risky endeavor -- why assume the negative? Miss Manners assures you that the relatives are well aware of the danger and do not need to you remind them.

You could just as easily say, "You must be very proud," and offer sympathy only if it seems to be requested.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister had a heart attack. We don't live in the same state (yet we speak daily). I sent her a food basket that came with a card, yet she still thinks I should have sent her a separate get-well card. What are you thoughts on this?

GENTLE READER: That your sister is not well, and this is no time to get into a squabble over an unreasonable but minor demand. Miss Manners advises pelting her with affectionate cards.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancee and I have decided it makes more financial sense to elope on a nice beach somewhere than to spend money we don't have (nor do our parents) on a big wedding.

However, I come from a close-knit Southern town, and I know some friends and neighbors will be horribly offended that they were not invited. I know a couple who have held grudges for years over this sort of thing!

What is the kindest way to explain to them that I care about them very much, but don't have thousands of dollars to spend on a fancy wedding?

GENTLE READER: Let's first make sure that they care very much about you. Is it that an emotional attachment makes them long to be with you at this important milestone in your life -- and not that weddings are the way they enjoy luxurious entertainment at little expense? That bit about grudges is a bad sign.

However, if the affection is mutual, and finances are your only problem, Miss Manners can help. Eloping is a way of escaping the participation of others. But you express regret not being able to afford including them.

All you have to do is to detach the concept of "wedding" from "lavish," "expensive" and "fancy."

An informal wedding can be charming -- even a relief from the overblown, pretentious extravaganzas so common today. You can send first-person, handwritten notes to those people you care about, inviting them to your beach wedding. If it is not scheduled at a usual mealtime, you can serve them punch, or beer, or lemonade, and a homemade cake.

Your true well-wishers will have the pleasure of witnessing and celebrating your marriage. Anyone who is disappointed not to be treated to champagne, a four-course dinner and an evening of dancing (not to mention the auxiliary events that so often turn a wedding into a weekend of activities) may decline. And any grudges on that account need not bother you, because they will not be held by friends.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)