DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper way to react when someone says their loved one is being deployed?

Often times, people feel honored and excited to serve their country; however, most have some level of sadness and trepidation. I don't want to come off as thinking it is a death sentence, but I want to convey the proper sympathy.

GENTLE READER: If you must guess at people's unexpressed feelings -- always a highly risky endeavor -- why assume the negative? Miss Manners assures you that the relatives are well aware of the danger and do not need to you remind them.

You could just as easily say, "You must be very proud," and offer sympathy only if it seems to be requested.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister had a heart attack. We don't live in the same state (yet we speak daily). I sent her a food basket that came with a card, yet she still thinks I should have sent her a separate get-well card. What are you thoughts on this?

GENTLE READER: That your sister is not well, and this is no time to get into a squabble over an unreasonable but minor demand. Miss Manners advises pelting her with affectionate cards.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancee and I have decided it makes more financial sense to elope on a nice beach somewhere than to spend money we don't have (nor do our parents) on a big wedding.

However, I come from a close-knit Southern town, and I know some friends and neighbors will be horribly offended that they were not invited. I know a couple who have held grudges for years over this sort of thing!

What is the kindest way to explain to them that I care about them very much, but don't have thousands of dollars to spend on a fancy wedding?

GENTLE READER: Let's first make sure that they care very much about you. Is it that an emotional attachment makes them long to be with you at this important milestone in your life -- and not that weddings are the way they enjoy luxurious entertainment at little expense? That bit about grudges is a bad sign.

However, if the affection is mutual, and finances are your only problem, Miss Manners can help. Eloping is a way of escaping the participation of others. But you express regret not being able to afford including them.

All you have to do is to detach the concept of "wedding" from "lavish," "expensive" and "fancy."

An informal wedding can be charming -- even a relief from the overblown, pretentious extravaganzas so common today. You can send first-person, handwritten notes to those people you care about, inviting them to your beach wedding. If it is not scheduled at a usual mealtime, you can serve them punch, or beer, or lemonade, and a homemade cake.

Your true well-wishers will have the pleasure of witnessing and celebrating your marriage. Anyone who is disappointed not to be treated to champagne, a four-course dinner and an evening of dancing (not to mention the auxiliary events that so often turn a wedding into a weekend of activities) may decline. And any grudges on that account need not bother you, because they will not be held by friends.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I moved into my home, I moved in with my then-partner of two years. Now, three years later, my partner has left me, and I am a young woman living alone.

I am not bothered by that, but I have not yet had time to grieve my five-year relationship, and things are still turbulent with my ex.

How do I politely tell my next-door neighbor that I am not interested in his offers of a date or companionship now or in the future?

He is very nice to me and, before, was very nice to my ex. I really don't want to burn the bridge of friendship, but so far, my excuses of being very busy or not sure of my plans have not discouraged him. What can I do or say to get my interests across?

GENTLE READER: Or lack thereof. "I'm so sorry, but I'm afraid that I'm just not interested in changing the nature of our very nice friendship."

Miss Manners notes that wisely, you have not told him you are "not ready" for romance, as when you eventually are, it will be very clear -- as he lives next door -- that you were just not ready for him.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every year, we host a kid-friendly holiday party for family, friends and co-workers in our home. I try to invite all the previous year's invitees, as well as any new acquaintances or friends that I've made.

The trouble has been with my daughter's classmates. There are only two second-grade classes in her school, with a total of 30 children. She has close friends in both classes, and I know many parents (and have been inviting many of those parents to our parties) in both classes.

In the interest of not having 100-plus in our home, and only inviting people I have actually met, I'd prefer not to invite everyone in her class or the other class. However, there are only four kids in my daughter's class of 15 whose family I have never met.

Under these circumstances, is it rude to extend a holiday party invitation to 11 of the 15 families? Must I invite all 15?

Then what about the other class? I know, and am friends with, about half of that class, but don't really want to invite them all. Is there a non-rude way to invite some, but not all, the kids and their families? Whittling it down by category, I could invite only families of girls, but we've been friends with some of the boys' families for years, and I'd rather not cut them out.

GENTLE READER: There is a big difference between a "kid-friendly" party and a party for kids. If this gathering is primarily for your friends -- and by association, some of your daughter's -- then the guest list is entirely up to you.

It should be made up only of people whom you know and want there -- and, Miss Manners notes, who would likewise know you and want to be there. It is only children's parties -- primarily on birthdays -- where school policies and fairness issues get involved, that it might become necessary to invite an entire class.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When arriving as a guest, how long is considered polite before you ask the hosts for their Wi-Fi password? This is a burning question right now on social media.

GENTLE READER: How long are you planning to stay? If you were invited only to dinner, Miss Manners fears there is no good time to announce that you have more pressing things to do than enjoy your hosts' and other guests' company.

Apparently many who live on social media miss the purpose of a live social visit, which is to be social.

So at a limited such gathering, there should hardly be a need for Wi-Fi -- unless you are urged to look up something factual. (Ah, Miss Manners misses the days when friendly bets were waged upon the outcome of a fact that could only be remembered in hindsight or looked up in the encyclopedia.)

In that case, one could politely ask if it would be all right to use the connection. Or at the end of the engagement, you could ask for it to book a taxicab, for instance.

If you are a longer-term guest, the same is true, but the excuse might be better -- checking flight information being more acceptable than checking dating websites. Then you may ask when you are given the towels -- in other words, after the normal civilities of greeting have been completed.

There should not be an assumption of use, though, as your question implies. She has heard far too many complaints about readers' generosity and limited plans being abused by guests with unlimited needs.

People who live in constant fear of dire emergencies -- and the world does seem to be full of these poor anxiety-ridden souls -- should invest in alternative ways of connecting. Or stay at the source of the potential emergency so they can act quickly instead of having to be summoned from afar.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In an office setting, is it proper to ask each person who is donating money to give a check instead of cash?

I am currently collecting money for my boss, whose daughter is getting married. We want to go in for a credit company gift card, but now I am getting some donations for $50, $360 and $150. Would it be proper if each person wrote out a check to the bride instead of me?

GENTLE READER: It is improper for employees to be dunned at work for personal favors. It is worse that the indirect recipient is your boss, who is supposed to pay you, not to collect from you. And Miss Manners' objection to cash in place of a more thoughtful present is well known.

She therefore thinks it would be highly proper of you to divest yourself of the entire enterprise. If you cannot stick someone else with the job, she suggests giving back the money you have collected and telling those employees who were invited to the wedding to decide individually about giving presents.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)