DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it necessary for businesses to apologize for every little mistake or lack of product?

I see signs constantly that try to appease the public, such as: "There was an error in our ad, which stated X product at X price. The correct price is Y. We apologize for any inconvenience." Also, "We are out of free gift boxes. We apologize for any inconvenience."

Hey, if they are out, they are out. Should the "I'm sorry" sign always be needed?

GENTLE READER: Are you perhaps in retail? Miss Manners has not run into many customers who are offended by a company's apologizing for running a fraudulent advertisement or being unable to provide a promised service. Apologizing for mistakes is good manners and good business.

That said, Miss Manners is willing to dispense with the phrase, "We apologize for any inconvenience." It is safe to assume that when, for example, a three-hour flight delay is announced, no one found it convenient to have extra time to hang out at the airport.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What's the best way to delay announcing a winner when no winner is available in a promotion or when nobody won?

GENTLE READER: Promptly. Certainly before word leaks out, and you have to fend off people volunteering to cash the winnings themselves.

Most announcements of the type you describe are attended by those who have an interest in the outcome, and the news that there may still be a chance for them will not, Miss Manners trusts, come as a disappointment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a call from a colleague inviting me to a 60th birthday party he is planning for his boss. I do not socialize with this colleague or his boss, although I know them both.

I wanted to turn down the invitation, but to be polite I said that I would mark it on my calendar, but wasn't sure if I could attend. Then the inviter replied, "OK, I'll be collecting $10 or $15 ahead of time for the party."

Now I'm completely turned off! Even if I could attend, I certainly don't want to fund the party. What can I do to turn down the invitation, and to point out to the inviter that he should fund the party that he wants to throw for his boss?

GENTLE READER: The anti-hospitality inherent in charging a guest is unfortunately common. In your case, however, Miss Manners notices that things might not have gotten to this stage had you yourself not misstepped.

Good manners do not require you to accept every invitation, but they do prohibit the conditional acceptance you gave -- and in the mistaken belief that it was more polite. Your host no doubt now feels fully justified in charging you in advance, having heard that you expect him to prepare for your arrival, but feel yourself under no obligation actually to attend.

Consult your calendar and give the answer you should have given initially, namely that you are flattered to have been invited, but that you find you are unfortunately unable to attend.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Good fortune has provided me the opportunity to live a more comfortable life, and I need to get one bit of information clear before I begin.

You indicate that flatware need not match. Does this give me license to, say, go online and purchase, piece by piece, attractive silver-plated dinnerware from many sets and patterns and use the unmatched (but attractive) utensils? I'm ready to begin the moment if and when Miss Manners says "Go!"

GENTLE READER: Go!

There are several justifications for unmatched flatware:

-- Financial: This does not seem to be your problem, but if it is a choice between a matching set and supplying diners with the tools they need, the latter is more hospitable.

-- Artistic: Miss Manners assumes that what you have in mind is to assemble an attractive and varied collection that might be more interesting than a set.

-- Snobbish: Are you familiar with the nasty British characterization of people who have made their own fortunes (the sort we Americans, in contrast, admire) as "the kind of people who buy their silver"? Responding to that would not constitute a justification, but you could use it to cite tradition.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: All of my life (21 years) I've been listening to an observation when mentioning that my mother is Latina: "You don't look Latina!"

Sometimes, when a very exotic-looking friend of mine is nearby, although not Latina herself, people compare her to me, saying she looks more Latina than I. I never know how to respond to such a comment. What could I say?

Explaining how stereotypical the comment is, or how I look like my father, feels like giving an excuse when I honestly feel that the comment is rude, uncomfortable and should not have been made. However, we can't control what others say. I always feel sad about these comments since I feel very proud of both of my parents' heritages, and I don't like identifying to a stereotype, much less explaining why I don't fit one. Am I overreacting?

Is it polite to make such comments, and if not, do you think there is a proper answer to them? When friends are around who know how I feel, they tend to scold the commenter, but they are not always there (of course). I might answer, "Well, sorry to disappoint you" to the first one, but to the comparison I am speechless. I would hate to be rude to the commenter, but sometimes I wish I had a smart comeback!

GENTLE READER: You might try the boomerang comeback. That is when you return a remark that is not only rude but stupid and thoughtless to its sender.

Not a remark in kind, Miss Manners insists, but the original remark, only strengthened. In this case, it would be: "Really? I don't look Latina to you? Which part of Latin America, or the Hispanic world, are you familiar with?" Perhaps not what you would call smart, but -- smack! -- effective.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A professor in our department took leave in order to give birth. When we heard the happy news that a baby girl had been born, I commented, "I wonder if she plans to bring her in?" Of course, it is always exciting to see a new baby.

One of our colleagues replied, "She already HAS brought her in," clearly meaning that the lady had come in to the office while still pregnant. This colleague is known to be the only fundamentalist Christian in the building.

I'm not sure if he was trying to be funny or to make a political statement. I was stunned into silence. Is there anything one could possibly say to something like this?

GENTLE READER: Given the choice between treating it as a joke and running the risk of hearing a full discussion of this person's beliefs, Miss Manners would manage to produce a weak smile. And she might add, "But I didn't have a chance to chuck the baby under the chin!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are meeting our newly engaged son's future in-laws for dinner at a restaurant soon. Is it appropriate to present them with a token gift?

GENTLE READER: You are already giving their daughter your son. Miss Manners would think that anything more would suggest undue gratitude and relief.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my brother, whom I had not seen in two years, came home for his 40th class reunion, the entire family wanted to get together with him, as he was here for only a long weekend.

I planned a barbecue dinner for all of us for the night before his reunion and placed an order with a famous restaurant. We were to eat at 6:30 p.m. At 2:20 p.m. that same day, he sent a group text saying, "At (another famous barbecue place); order (from a pizza place) for dinner."

I was furious that four hours prior to our planned barbecue dinner, he would go eat the very thing we were serving. My sister was also with him during the outing, so two out of the six people in attendance for our 6:30 dinner had just consumed the same meal less than four hours earlier.

They were totally kidding about the pizza part, and my brother says he'll eat barbecue to his heart's content whenever he gets the chance. But my sister and I really got into it over this, and she disagrees with me completely. I asked her if, for example, she'd invited me over for her famous pork chops, would she not be irritated when I texted at 2:20 p.m. that day that I was at a local restaurant eating THEIR famous pork chops? She claims she wouldn't care at all, but I don't believe her for a second. Who is right here?

GENTLE READER: Right about what? Whether your sister would care if you ate the same meal twice in one day?

Miss Manners couldn't say. If both your sister and brother insist that they would enjoy the redundancy, then you must take them at their word. But then you might try out the pork chop plan to see if they mean it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)