DEAR MISS MANNERS: Good fortune has provided me the opportunity to live a more comfortable life, and I need to get one bit of information clear before I begin.

You indicate that flatware need not match. Does this give me license to, say, go online and purchase, piece by piece, attractive silver-plated dinnerware from many sets and patterns and use the unmatched (but attractive) utensils? I'm ready to begin the moment if and when Miss Manners says "Go!"

GENTLE READER: Go!

There are several justifications for unmatched flatware:

-- Financial: This does not seem to be your problem, but if it is a choice between a matching set and supplying diners with the tools they need, the latter is more hospitable.

-- Artistic: Miss Manners assumes that what you have in mind is to assemble an attractive and varied collection that might be more interesting than a set.

-- Snobbish: Are you familiar with the nasty British characterization of people who have made their own fortunes (the sort we Americans, in contrast, admire) as "the kind of people who buy their silver"? Responding to that would not constitute a justification, but you could use it to cite tradition.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: All of my life (21 years) I've been listening to an observation when mentioning that my mother is Latina: "You don't look Latina!"

Sometimes, when a very exotic-looking friend of mine is nearby, although not Latina herself, people compare her to me, saying she looks more Latina than I. I never know how to respond to such a comment. What could I say?

Explaining how stereotypical the comment is, or how I look like my father, feels like giving an excuse when I honestly feel that the comment is rude, uncomfortable and should not have been made. However, we can't control what others say. I always feel sad about these comments since I feel very proud of both of my parents' heritages, and I don't like identifying to a stereotype, much less explaining why I don't fit one. Am I overreacting?

Is it polite to make such comments, and if not, do you think there is a proper answer to them? When friends are around who know how I feel, they tend to scold the commenter, but they are not always there (of course). I might answer, "Well, sorry to disappoint you" to the first one, but to the comparison I am speechless. I would hate to be rude to the commenter, but sometimes I wish I had a smart comeback!

GENTLE READER: You might try the boomerang comeback. That is when you return a remark that is not only rude but stupid and thoughtless to its sender.

Not a remark in kind, Miss Manners insists, but the original remark, only strengthened. In this case, it would be: "Really? I don't look Latina to you? Which part of Latin America, or the Hispanic world, are you familiar with?" Perhaps not what you would call smart, but -- smack! -- effective.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A professor in our department took leave in order to give birth. When we heard the happy news that a baby girl had been born, I commented, "I wonder if she plans to bring her in?" Of course, it is always exciting to see a new baby.

One of our colleagues replied, "She already HAS brought her in," clearly meaning that the lady had come in to the office while still pregnant. This colleague is known to be the only fundamentalist Christian in the building.

I'm not sure if he was trying to be funny or to make a political statement. I was stunned into silence. Is there anything one could possibly say to something like this?

GENTLE READER: Given the choice between treating it as a joke and running the risk of hearing a full discussion of this person's beliefs, Miss Manners would manage to produce a weak smile. And she might add, "But I didn't have a chance to chuck the baby under the chin!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are meeting our newly engaged son's future in-laws for dinner at a restaurant soon. Is it appropriate to present them with a token gift?

GENTLE READER: You are already giving their daughter your son. Miss Manners would think that anything more would suggest undue gratitude and relief.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my brother, whom I had not seen in two years, came home for his 40th class reunion, the entire family wanted to get together with him, as he was here for only a long weekend.

I planned a barbecue dinner for all of us for the night before his reunion and placed an order with a famous restaurant. We were to eat at 6:30 p.m. At 2:20 p.m. that same day, he sent a group text saying, "At (another famous barbecue place); order (from a pizza place) for dinner."

I was furious that four hours prior to our planned barbecue dinner, he would go eat the very thing we were serving. My sister was also with him during the outing, so two out of the six people in attendance for our 6:30 dinner had just consumed the same meal less than four hours earlier.

They were totally kidding about the pizza part, and my brother says he'll eat barbecue to his heart's content whenever he gets the chance. But my sister and I really got into it over this, and she disagrees with me completely. I asked her if, for example, she'd invited me over for her famous pork chops, would she not be irritated when I texted at 2:20 p.m. that day that I was at a local restaurant eating THEIR famous pork chops? She claims she wouldn't care at all, but I don't believe her for a second. Who is right here?

GENTLE READER: Right about what? Whether your sister would care if you ate the same meal twice in one day?

Miss Manners couldn't say. If both your sister and brother insist that they would enjoy the redundancy, then you must take them at their word. But then you might try out the pork chop plan to see if they mean it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am looking for an appropriate way to uninvite someone to a corporate event. The guest list has been revised, and I need to uninvite five guests.

GENTLE READER: If this were a social function, Miss Manners would have to tell you that there is no polite way to rescind a proffered invitation. In contrast, revising the list of attendees to a work meeting carries no such ban.

It seems clear that the event in question follows the unfortunate practice of blurring the boundary between professional and private life. Your only hope is to reassert the distinction.

This will be easier to do if the uninvitees are employees who were "working" the event, since -- after you explain and apologize -- you may be able to suggest that their workload is being reduced. If, however, you have spent the past few months telling everyone that this event is fun and not work -- of if these are outside guests -- you would do better to locate five more chairs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work with my mother, who happens to be my "boss." In what way would it be best to address her while in the workplace?

GENTLE READER: Address her as you would an employer who did not rear you, which among other things, Miss Manners points out, means omitting those quotation marks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a super busy year with a wedding and grad party, but my daughter doesn't really want to waste the time with a grad party because all of our family has to travel, and we want to focus the traveling on the wedding.

But I want to acknowledge her graduation and hope that people would send a gift even though we are not having a party. Honestly, it's to save them the extra travel.

Is there a way to word this appropriately on a card? "Our daughter is graduating, but we want to save you the travel, but please acknowledge her anyway." Just kidding, what is the best way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: Of course Miss Manners understands that you are kidding. How could there be a polite way to tell people that you are doing them a favor by not offering to entertain them, but that they should not consider that an excuse to skip rewarding your daughter for finishing school?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: People often ask what I do for a living, and when I reply, they say, "Oh! You must love that!"

I do not like my job, nor do I like talking about it. When I give the answer, "No, not really," they insist on knowing why that could possibly be, and then try to point out the merits of my job.

How can I fend off the questions and avoid this topic of conversation?

GENTLE READER: By resisting the temptation to give a leading answer. Miss Manners suggests keeping your answer short -- "yes" -- and changing the subject. But if you prefer to avoid a white lie, answer a different question. Nod your head distractedly and reply, "Ah, yes," while thinking -- but not saying -- "I can see how you would think that."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)