DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am looking for an appropriate way to uninvite someone to a corporate event. The guest list has been revised, and I need to uninvite five guests.

GENTLE READER: If this were a social function, Miss Manners would have to tell you that there is no polite way to rescind a proffered invitation. In contrast, revising the list of attendees to a work meeting carries no such ban.

It seems clear that the event in question follows the unfortunate practice of blurring the boundary between professional and private life. Your only hope is to reassert the distinction.

This will be easier to do if the uninvitees are employees who were "working" the event, since -- after you explain and apologize -- you may be able to suggest that their workload is being reduced. If, however, you have spent the past few months telling everyone that this event is fun and not work -- of if these are outside guests -- you would do better to locate five more chairs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work with my mother, who happens to be my "boss." In what way would it be best to address her while in the workplace?

GENTLE READER: Address her as you would an employer who did not rear you, which among other things, Miss Manners points out, means omitting those quotation marks.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We have a super busy year with a wedding and grad party, but my daughter doesn't really want to waste the time with a grad party because all of our family has to travel, and we want to focus the traveling on the wedding.

But I want to acknowledge her graduation and hope that people would send a gift even though we are not having a party. Honestly, it's to save them the extra travel.

Is there a way to word this appropriately on a card? "Our daughter is graduating, but we want to save you the travel, but please acknowledge her anyway." Just kidding, what is the best way to handle this?

GENTLE READER: Of course Miss Manners understands that you are kidding. How could there be a polite way to tell people that you are doing them a favor by not offering to entertain them, but that they should not consider that an excuse to skip rewarding your daughter for finishing school?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: People often ask what I do for a living, and when I reply, they say, "Oh! You must love that!"

I do not like my job, nor do I like talking about it. When I give the answer, "No, not really," they insist on knowing why that could possibly be, and then try to point out the merits of my job.

How can I fend off the questions and avoid this topic of conversation?

GENTLE READER: By resisting the temptation to give a leading answer. Miss Manners suggests keeping your answer short -- "yes" -- and changing the subject. But if you prefer to avoid a white lie, answer a different question. Nod your head distractedly and reply, "Ah, yes," while thinking -- but not saying -- "I can see how you would think that."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 19-year-old stepdaughter has been invited to a formal dinner dance and asked me to teach her etiquette, so I planned a family dinner using all my fine china, silver, crystal, etc. It was a good opportunity to give some pointers that the children weren't clear on.

However, a situation came up with her sister that I didn't know the answer to. She has some physical limitations using one arm, so she has gotten into the habit of using her fingers to tear her meat since cutting is difficult for her. I felt sure that using her fingers wasn't appropriate, but didn't know what other options she might try. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: Many people now believe that any medical problem, physical or psychological, is a valid excuse for ignoring the customs and expectations of society. Miss Manners is not among them.

However sympathetic society may be, it recoils from such obvious violations of established convention as eating meat with one's hands. It is all very well to say that it shouldn't, but it does. And that is even on the part of people who are aware of the problem.

This leaves the young lady with the choice of broadcasting her difficulty at every shared meal, in the hope that this will draw enough sympathy to counter an adverse reaction (although she can hardly notify everyone at a large gathering), or deciding that she doesn't care if others assume that she is merely grossly unmannered.

Miss Manners would think it preferable to avoid eating food she cannot manage when dining out socially, or, at restaurants, requesting that her meat be cut in the kitchen.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A man I connected with online invited me to meet him at a restaurant bar. I ordered a glass of wine. As the conversation ensued, his comments were racist, anti-Semitic, sexist, materialistic, and finally insulting to me and my values.

I stood up and said I was leaving. He said that I should pay for my wine. I said no, because he invited me. I left him with the bill. What do you think??

GENTLE READER: That sticking him with the bill would not be nearly as satisfactory as flinging down money on the table, with the clear intention that you consider the price of ridding yourself of him to be worth it. But, then, Miss Manners considers the high-handed insult to have more dignity than the lowly one.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We've been invited to a wedding where the bride wants it "off the grid." She is planning on having 120 guests and has asked that no one bring a camera or take photos with their cellphones. I'd like to hear your comments.

GENTLE READER: One is, "Well, good for her." Another is that Miss Manners considers it a shame to have to instruct one's guests that a wedding ceremony is a solemn rite to which they should be paying quiet attention, and that a wedding reception is a celebration at which they should be socializing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 43-year-old man who came out of the closet 20 years ago. I have spent the vast majority of that time in committed relationships. My husband and I got engaged a year ago last July, and just had our wedding ceremony.

Twelve months after our initial engagement, my parents and my twin sister decided that they could not support my marriage because it was a gay marriage. I was shocked and devastated, as these same people had frequently visited me and whichever partner (there have been only two) over the course of the past 20 years. They spent time in our home, even imposed for a week-long vacation during which I played dutiful tour guide from sun-up to sundown. They slept in our bed, as it was more comfortable than the alternative.

They were uninvited to the wedding, which was for the best. We had a lovely day and will never forget the love and support that surrounded us.

However, the Supreme Court made a decision that legalizes marriage equality in my home state. I've not spoken to any of the three since July, and now I'm not sure where I stand. I'm legally married and would love for my family to be a part of my life, but I will not sacrifice my dignity just to spend time with bigots, to whom I happen to be related.

Should I wait for them to come to me? Or should I reach out to them?

GENTLE READER: It strikes Miss Manners as unlikely that your family consulted the Supreme Court in deciding whether to accept your wedding invitation. Nor does the estrangement seem to have worked.

Yet public opinion about gay marriage has been changing, and it is just possible that they might seize another chance to resume relations.

If you want to reach out, you would probably do better by issuing them an invitation jointly with your husband -- so that it is clear that they would be visiting you as a married couple -- rather than forcing them to rehash their peculiar position of countenancing cohabitation while condemning the respectability of marriage.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the etiquette governing the offering and acceptance of a "lift" to an event?

I attended the memorial service of a friend. Wanting to help out, I agreed to drive another couple, strangers to me. The drive was uneventful. However, early into the memorial, my passengers began to inform me that "We're ready to go now."

I wasn't, but with the fourth "reminder," I gave in and away we went, missing what I later learned were some very kind and moving testimonies honoring our deceased friend.

What would have been the proper way to handle this, short of saying, "Call a taxi"?

GENTLE READER? Offering to call a taxi for them.

Miss Manners is sorry that you felt pressured to alter the implicit terms of the favor you did, and assures you that your generosity did not render you a car for hire. Considering the nerve these people showed, she is confident that they would simply have bullied someone else into doing their bidding.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)