DEAR MISS MANNERS: Friends of mine lost their home to a house fire. It was terrible. Another friend set up a "go fund me"-type page for friends and family to donate and help the couple. Many friends, including me, helped with money, meals, laundry and their dog while they were getting back on their feet.

Last week, they sent thank-you notes. My roommate received one addressed to her and I did not. The notes were not individualized; it was a printed one-size-fits-all message. My roommate realized I did not receive a thank you, so she sent a private message to the couple just letting them know I had been left out. I did not know she had done this until later.

The next day, I got a text message apologizing and saying that I had been left out because their friend who addressed the notes must have missed me! (Miss Manners, they didn't even address the notes themselves!) It was accompanied by a picture of the thank-you note, which was texted to me with the message, "Here's a thank you just for you. XOXO"

I am miffed. I helped them in their time of need and didn't get a second thought. I have not responded to her text message. Is it fair of me to consider this friendship over? Should I tell her that I am upset, or should I accept that this boorish thank-you was better than nothing?

GENTLE READER: Let us say that these are not the people to count on if your house burns down.

Miss Manners realizes that they have suffered a disaster and are occupied with putting their lives back together. If hundreds of strangers had pitched in, it would have been acceptable to write an effusive public letter with an apology for not being able to write to each individual.

It seems unlikely that your "many" meant more than a dozen at most. And these were not strangers, but friends. They may not have been coping with disasters of their own, but they had busy schedules of their own, which they sacrificed to help a friend.

After the friends were re-established with food and shelter, what higher priority could there be than to treasure those who generously rushed to their aid?

What she sent you, instead, was not a letter expressing gratitude, but a sort of receipt, and upon request, at that. Miss Manners is not surprised that this would dampen, if not kill, the friendship.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I understand from you that inedible items, such as bits of shell or gristle, should leave the mouth by the way they entered, e.g., mouth to fork. What I have not understood is how to discreetly move the items from the mouth back onto the utensil.

Should one raise the fork and try to deposit the item outside, or put an empty fork into the mouth and try to maneuver things within a closed mouth before removal? Or is there a third option to more quickly and successfully accomplish this?

GENTLE READER: The third option is to excuse oneself from the table and pick the offending item out in private. The second option is bound to be conspicuous, if not dangerous. Therefore, Miss Manners leaves you with the first option and the hope that you can accomplish it discreetly.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am remarrying my ex-husband. My first ring was a family heirloom (his side) and I held onto it.

Now I have a second engagement ring. I would prefer to wear the first one. What is the proper protocol for this situation?

GENTLE READER: It would have been to tell your new husband of your preference before he purchased a second ring. Fortunately, you have two hands.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I tell family not to bring anyone to our new home, as if they are a tour guide?

How do I tell family not to post our information or photos on Facebook? We don't Facebook!

How do I tell family not to bring a housewarming gift? Because the gift isn't a gift; it attaches them to our house as if we now owe them.

I am preparing our change-of-address cards, and I want to include this for some of our family members. This was difficult for us with our previous home. We have moved farther away, and I don't want unannounced overnight guests.

GENTLE READER: You have certainly piqued Miss Manners' curiosity. Yours must be quite a major house, as visitors are regularly posting pictures of it to strangers.

Miss Manners is further at a loss as to what kind of housewarming present would tether its giver to the house -- a very long retractable leash?

It would seem that an obvious answer to the problem of having unwanted guests (or their presents) would be not to send change-of-address cards to them. These cards are optional, and the information they contain is on a need-to-know basis.

However, if you do send the cards, there is no polite way to tell people that a housewarming gift is not a ticket of admission. To deflect unwanted guests, you could write inside, "We look forward to inviting you in the future."

Miss Manners has a feeling, however, that the subtlety of this wording will be lost on the sort of visitors who invite themselves. In that case, she recommends the first solution: Do not tell them where you live.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have enjoyed a good reputation at work throughout my career. Now I am starting to become a bit well-known in my field.

Consequently, I occasionally meet colleagues who are new to me but who, when we are introduced, will say, "Oh, I've heard all about you," in a somewhat gushing tone.

I usually just smile, say, "How nice," and then ask the person something innocuous about their work or some other pleasantry, but it feels quite awkward to me. Is this an appropriate response?

GENTLE READER: But these people apparently did not say that they heard something nice about you. Miss Manners considers that this leaves you free to begin asking about them.

However, if you feel that is awkward, you can toss off a saucy, "Don't believe everything you hear!"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I can see in my neighbors' bathroom window. Should you tell them?

GENTLE READER: No, Miss Manners demurs. But you might, depending upon the circumstances.

Were you standing in the bushes with your hands on the windowsill? Does your bedroom look into the bathroom in question? Or did you make eye contact as you walked down the street?

In the last case, Miss Manners recommends a cheerful wave. Failing that, you should either close your own blinds, or work into a future conversation that you hope your neighbors do not find the closeness of the houses --and the resulting lack of privacy -- disconcerting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to get one's needs attended to in a restaurant? I have known people to rattle silverware in a glass if being ignored by wait staff, but that seems demanding and disruptive to other customers.

The person who delivered our dessert, besides not bringing silverware, evidently didn't understand my husband's friendly, "Now we just need something to eat it with." Our waitperson was out of sight, and all other employees ignored waves and attempts to get their attention.

I finally got up and approached the hostess, who was in conversation with another employee, and whom I may have offended by gently touching her shoulder as I said "Excuse me" and asked if we could please have some spoons for our dessert. I certainly got unpleasant body language from the employee as she spoke to the hostess, saying she would take care of it.

The hostess pleasantly brought us some spoons. It had been an unappetizing and annoying wait while we hoped silverware would appear, and I felt I was intruding when I finally made my request.

GENTLE READER: It is indeed rude to bang on the tableware in hopes of attracting attention. Miss Manners supports your direct appeal to the hostess, although she does not share your judgment that sarcasm directed at servers is properly characterized as friendly behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A very good friend is getting married shortly and is planning a reception for approximately 75 of the couple's family and closest friends. The food will be served buffet-style where guests will serve themselves and then sit at tables to eat.

Two of the tables have reserved seating for the "most important" -- everyone else is to seat themselves. We will be seated for approximately one hour.

I have suggested to my friend that she might make her guests more comfortable if she were to plan a seating arrangement, but she is adamantly against it, saying that everyone can sort themselves out.

Do you agree that assigned seating in this case would be a good idea, and if so, am I doing my friend a favor in suggesting it again? Or should I butt out? Many of the guests will be coming without a partner, if that makes any difference.

And in case you are wondering, I am at one of the assigned tables.

GENTLE READER: But were you assigned to push your own ideas after they were rejected?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)