DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am remarrying my ex-husband. My first ring was a family heirloom (his side) and I held onto it.

Now I have a second engagement ring. I would prefer to wear the first one. What is the proper protocol for this situation?

GENTLE READER: It would have been to tell your new husband of your preference before he purchased a second ring. Fortunately, you have two hands.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I tell family not to bring anyone to our new home, as if they are a tour guide?

How do I tell family not to post our information or photos on Facebook? We don't Facebook!

How do I tell family not to bring a housewarming gift? Because the gift isn't a gift; it attaches them to our house as if we now owe them.

I am preparing our change-of-address cards, and I want to include this for some of our family members. This was difficult for us with our previous home. We have moved farther away, and I don't want unannounced overnight guests.

GENTLE READER: You have certainly piqued Miss Manners' curiosity. Yours must be quite a major house, as visitors are regularly posting pictures of it to strangers.

Miss Manners is further at a loss as to what kind of housewarming present would tether its giver to the house -- a very long retractable leash?

It would seem that an obvious answer to the problem of having unwanted guests (or their presents) would be not to send change-of-address cards to them. These cards are optional, and the information they contain is on a need-to-know basis.

However, if you do send the cards, there is no polite way to tell people that a housewarming gift is not a ticket of admission. To deflect unwanted guests, you could write inside, "We look forward to inviting you in the future."

Miss Manners has a feeling, however, that the subtlety of this wording will be lost on the sort of visitors who invite themselves. In that case, she recommends the first solution: Do not tell them where you live.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have enjoyed a good reputation at work throughout my career. Now I am starting to become a bit well-known in my field.

Consequently, I occasionally meet colleagues who are new to me but who, when we are introduced, will say, "Oh, I've heard all about you," in a somewhat gushing tone.

I usually just smile, say, "How nice," and then ask the person something innocuous about their work or some other pleasantry, but it feels quite awkward to me. Is this an appropriate response?

GENTLE READER: But these people apparently did not say that they heard something nice about you. Miss Manners considers that this leaves you free to begin asking about them.

However, if you feel that is awkward, you can toss off a saucy, "Don't believe everything you hear!"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I can see in my neighbors' bathroom window. Should you tell them?

GENTLE READER: No, Miss Manners demurs. But you might, depending upon the circumstances.

Were you standing in the bushes with your hands on the windowsill? Does your bedroom look into the bathroom in question? Or did you make eye contact as you walked down the street?

In the last case, Miss Manners recommends a cheerful wave. Failing that, you should either close your own blinds, or work into a future conversation that you hope your neighbors do not find the closeness of the houses --and the resulting lack of privacy -- disconcerting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the best way to get one's needs attended to in a restaurant? I have known people to rattle silverware in a glass if being ignored by wait staff, but that seems demanding and disruptive to other customers.

The person who delivered our dessert, besides not bringing silverware, evidently didn't understand my husband's friendly, "Now we just need something to eat it with." Our waitperson was out of sight, and all other employees ignored waves and attempts to get their attention.

I finally got up and approached the hostess, who was in conversation with another employee, and whom I may have offended by gently touching her shoulder as I said "Excuse me" and asked if we could please have some spoons for our dessert. I certainly got unpleasant body language from the employee as she spoke to the hostess, saying she would take care of it.

The hostess pleasantly brought us some spoons. It had been an unappetizing and annoying wait while we hoped silverware would appear, and I felt I was intruding when I finally made my request.

GENTLE READER: It is indeed rude to bang on the tableware in hopes of attracting attention. Miss Manners supports your direct appeal to the hostess, although she does not share your judgment that sarcasm directed at servers is properly characterized as friendly behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A very good friend is getting married shortly and is planning a reception for approximately 75 of the couple's family and closest friends. The food will be served buffet-style where guests will serve themselves and then sit at tables to eat.

Two of the tables have reserved seating for the "most important" -- everyone else is to seat themselves. We will be seated for approximately one hour.

I have suggested to my friend that she might make her guests more comfortable if she were to plan a seating arrangement, but she is adamantly against it, saying that everyone can sort themselves out.

Do you agree that assigned seating in this case would be a good idea, and if so, am I doing my friend a favor in suggesting it again? Or should I butt out? Many of the guests will be coming without a partner, if that makes any difference.

And in case you are wondering, I am at one of the assigned tables.

GENTLE READER: But were you assigned to push your own ideas after they were rejected?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love to entertain and host get-togethers and dinner parties often, and big parties usually two or three times a year. However, since the Internet became popular, I noticed that people are really being kind of jerky when it comes to answering invitations.

Before accepting, they want to know who else is going, what is being served, and are wishy-washy about attending (with a response of "maybe") until the very last minute.

I thought I had found the perfect solution to this, since I was getting a little peeved about the fact that most people know the time, expense and effort it takes me to set these events up -- and yet still act like they are doing me a favor by attending. I sent out somewhat vague paper invitations (old-school, I know, right?) with instructions that once they RSVP'd to me, they would then be added to a page on Facebook that would give them all the information they needed to know.

I thought this couldn't possibly fail. Except out of the 40 people I have invited to this birthday party of mine, which I am arranging, FIVE have already called me to say, "Yeah, put me down as going. Unless something else comes up that day. You know how it is."

The first time someone said this, I thought they were joking and I laughed. The second time, I was astounded and couldn't respond. The next three times, I was angry and said something along the lines of, "Well, it would mean a lot to me to have you attend, so please let me know ASAP if you change your mind."

Is this a thing now? To accept offers to events until maybe something better comes along? Or do I need new friends? I am appalled by the lack of manners here and would appreciate help on what to say if anyone else tells me "until something better comes along."

GENTLE READER: By "a thing now," Miss Manners trusts you mean that people are increasingly shameless about being rude, and by "old-school," you are referring to timeless ways of showing consideration for others.

Perhaps you do need another set of friends. You may tell your current friends that you are sure something better will come along for them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How quickly should thank-you notes for a baby shower be sent?

GENTLE READER: Well before you complain to Miss Manners that with an infant in the house, you are too busy and too sleep-deprived to express gratitude to your generous friends.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here is another example of "Shouldn't manners make sense instead of being a stupid formality?"

When the table is set with a salad plate, why is that plate placed on the left of the main plate? Reaching over the main plate may cause your sleeve to be soiled. It is true that left-handed people would have no difficulty.

GENTLE READER: And they get few such breaks. Miss Manners rejects the notion that all manners must make sense, which would eliminate most traditions and ceremonies.

However, if you insist, she can supply a reason for those salad plates being on the left for right-handed people. The glasses are on the right, and drink is more frequently reached for than salad.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)