DEAR MISS MANNERS: I love to entertain and host get-togethers and dinner parties often, and big parties usually two or three times a year. However, since the Internet became popular, I noticed that people are really being kind of jerky when it comes to answering invitations.

Before accepting, they want to know who else is going, what is being served, and are wishy-washy about attending (with a response of "maybe") until the very last minute.

I thought I had found the perfect solution to this, since I was getting a little peeved about the fact that most people know the time, expense and effort it takes me to set these events up -- and yet still act like they are doing me a favor by attending. I sent out somewhat vague paper invitations (old-school, I know, right?) with instructions that once they RSVP'd to me, they would then be added to a page on Facebook that would give them all the information they needed to know.

I thought this couldn't possibly fail. Except out of the 40 people I have invited to this birthday party of mine, which I am arranging, FIVE have already called me to say, "Yeah, put me down as going. Unless something else comes up that day. You know how it is."

The first time someone said this, I thought they were joking and I laughed. The second time, I was astounded and couldn't respond. The next three times, I was angry and said something along the lines of, "Well, it would mean a lot to me to have you attend, so please let me know ASAP if you change your mind."

Is this a thing now? To accept offers to events until maybe something better comes along? Or do I need new friends? I am appalled by the lack of manners here and would appreciate help on what to say if anyone else tells me "until something better comes along."

GENTLE READER: By "a thing now," Miss Manners trusts you mean that people are increasingly shameless about being rude, and by "old-school," you are referring to timeless ways of showing consideration for others.

Perhaps you do need another set of friends. You may tell your current friends that you are sure something better will come along for them.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How quickly should thank-you notes for a baby shower be sent?

GENTLE READER: Well before you complain to Miss Manners that with an infant in the house, you are too busy and too sleep-deprived to express gratitude to your generous friends.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Here is another example of "Shouldn't manners make sense instead of being a stupid formality?"

When the table is set with a salad plate, why is that plate placed on the left of the main plate? Reaching over the main plate may cause your sleeve to be soiled. It is true that left-handed people would have no difficulty.

GENTLE READER: And they get few such breaks. Miss Manners rejects the notion that all manners must make sense, which would eliminate most traditions and ceremonies.

However, if you insist, she can supply a reason for those salad plates being on the left for right-handed people. The glasses are on the right, and drink is more frequently reached for than salad.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a vegetarian who has no desire to draw unnecessary attention to this fact. I don't think that what I eat is anyone's business, just as what others eat is not my business.

I have an acquaintance, Cheryl, who is a member of a club that I'm part of. The group eats together regularly, either at restaurants or potlucks. I've known Cheryl for many years, long enough for her to know that I don't eat meat, but we are not close.

Cheryl seems to get a thrill out of "outing" me as a vegetarian in front of anyone who is new to our group or doesn't already know.

If we're eating out, she'll find the vegetarian section of the menu (because I need help locating it?) and shriek, "They have meatless options for you, Jane!"

If the group is planning a potluck, Cheryl will always loudly make a point of stating that she will provide a vegetarian option "for Jane." In any scenario, the group's conversation stops for a moment while everyone glances at me nervously.

I am perfectly capable of ordering my own food, and I enjoy participating seamlessly in potlucks. I would never dream of introducing myself as a vegetarian to a new acquaintance, because I don't feel that what I eat is my defining characteristic. How can I get Cheryl to stop "helping" me?

GENTLE READER: The next time you share a meal with Cheryl, Miss Manners recommends that you take her aside first and tell her that you don't want to draw attention to yourself -- and that you are sure there will be plenty of vegetarian options for you. If that doesn't stop her from being officious, Miss Manners would allow you to point out the meat options to her. You may do this loudly enough for the others to hear, but good-humoredly, and not sounding as if you were admonishing her food choices or making a political statement.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a woman nearing 30 years old. About seven years ago, I was diagnosed with alopecia. It's an autoimmune disease where the body no longer recognizes the hair as yours, causing it to fall out in circular patches.

My dilemma is, how do I correct someone as politely as possible when they assume I have cancer and/or that I'm going through treatment? My usual response is, "Oh! I just have alopecia." or, "I'm sorry, I don't have cancer. I have alopecia."

Is this acceptable? Or is there a more polite way of responding without embarrassing them?

GENTLE READER: Your responses are perfectly acceptable and polite, and Miss Manners would even condone your merely saying, "Thank you, but I don't have cancer."

Although one hopes that these people were well-intentioned, it would have been more polite of them not to indicate that they have noticed. So she assures you that you don't have to apologize for others' self-inflicted embarrassment.

If you do mention your disease, and find that it brings on further inquiry, you may expand or not as it suits you. And if they offer gifts or privileges -- as Miss Manners has heard can sometimes accompany strangers' well-meaning, but misguided responses to this particular disease -- you may also decide to decline or not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the past few weeks, I have noticed several cashiers and bank tellers asking if I have any plans for the day, or asking how my day is going so far (rather than saying, "How are you?"). When I mentioned this to a store manager, the response was that they were merely trying to be friendly.

I do not feel that the answer to either of those questions is any business of theirs, and I am at a loss how to answer the second question especially without being rude. I tend to just not answer.

GENTLE READER: As failing to answer is a bit harsh, even to phony "friends," you could say, "I do, thank you." Miss Manners would then steer the conversation back to the question at hand so as to cut off the inevitable follow-up question with, "And I'm afraid I'm running a bit late. Would you mind depositing my funds so I can be on my way?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A longtime friend constantly calls me for the "daily run" of her personal/professional activities, but rarely inquires about my own life. No matter what reason I use for ending our one-way conversation, she keeps on talking!

What would you suggest would be the most polite but effective way of bringing her litany to an end?

GENTLE READER: Terminating a telephone call is as easy as apologizing and saying that you really must go. Even inveterate talkers occasionally pause for air.

But it appears to Miss Manners that what you are really hoping is that you can change your friend so that she shows the same interest in your life that you have demonstrated in hers.

Longtime friends are as difficult to retrain as family members, and yours may not be interested in reciprocating, having grown accustomed to your one-sided relationship. If this is the case, you can at least restore the balance by limiting your own availability.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a few friends I invite out socially, but some of them have started declining my invitations with a succinct, "I'll pass."

I'm in my late 20s, and I've always declined invitations by first thanking the person for the invitation, and then expressing apologies for not being able to attend.

I feel that "I'll pass" is a somewhat rude way of declining an invitation; after all, I'm not passing around a plate of cookies. I admit that it does bother me, and I find myself inviting out those friends less and less.

Since when has "I'll pass" entered the vernacular and become an acceptable way of declining an invitation?

GENTLE READER: It has not, neither for the invitation nor for the cookie. Miss Manners reminds you that she stands between the vernacular and the acceptable and refuses to give rudeness a pass.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If you are hosting a colleague's baby shower and are serving only cupcakes, is it OK to provide only napkins instead of small plates?

GENTLE READER: Only if you plan to vacuum after everyone leaves.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)