DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a vegetarian who has no desire to draw unnecessary attention to this fact. I don't think that what I eat is anyone's business, just as what others eat is not my business.

I have an acquaintance, Cheryl, who is a member of a club that I'm part of. The group eats together regularly, either at restaurants or potlucks. I've known Cheryl for many years, long enough for her to know that I don't eat meat, but we are not close.

Cheryl seems to get a thrill out of "outing" me as a vegetarian in front of anyone who is new to our group or doesn't already know.

If we're eating out, she'll find the vegetarian section of the menu (because I need help locating it?) and shriek, "They have meatless options for you, Jane!"

If the group is planning a potluck, Cheryl will always loudly make a point of stating that she will provide a vegetarian option "for Jane." In any scenario, the group's conversation stops for a moment while everyone glances at me nervously.

I am perfectly capable of ordering my own food, and I enjoy participating seamlessly in potlucks. I would never dream of introducing myself as a vegetarian to a new acquaintance, because I don't feel that what I eat is my defining characteristic. How can I get Cheryl to stop "helping" me?

GENTLE READER: The next time you share a meal with Cheryl, Miss Manners recommends that you take her aside first and tell her that you don't want to draw attention to yourself -- and that you are sure there will be plenty of vegetarian options for you. If that doesn't stop her from being officious, Miss Manners would allow you to point out the meat options to her. You may do this loudly enough for the others to hear, but good-humoredly, and not sounding as if you were admonishing her food choices or making a political statement.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a woman nearing 30 years old. About seven years ago, I was diagnosed with alopecia. It's an autoimmune disease where the body no longer recognizes the hair as yours, causing it to fall out in circular patches.

My dilemma is, how do I correct someone as politely as possible when they assume I have cancer and/or that I'm going through treatment? My usual response is, "Oh! I just have alopecia." or, "I'm sorry, I don't have cancer. I have alopecia."

Is this acceptable? Or is there a more polite way of responding without embarrassing them?

GENTLE READER: Your responses are perfectly acceptable and polite, and Miss Manners would even condone your merely saying, "Thank you, but I don't have cancer."

Although one hopes that these people were well-intentioned, it would have been more polite of them not to indicate that they have noticed. So she assures you that you don't have to apologize for others' self-inflicted embarrassment.

If you do mention your disease, and find that it brings on further inquiry, you may expand or not as it suits you. And if they offer gifts or privileges -- as Miss Manners has heard can sometimes accompany strangers' well-meaning, but misguided responses to this particular disease -- you may also decide to decline or not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the past few weeks, I have noticed several cashiers and bank tellers asking if I have any plans for the day, or asking how my day is going so far (rather than saying, "How are you?"). When I mentioned this to a store manager, the response was that they were merely trying to be friendly.

I do not feel that the answer to either of those questions is any business of theirs, and I am at a loss how to answer the second question especially without being rude. I tend to just not answer.

GENTLE READER: As failing to answer is a bit harsh, even to phony "friends," you could say, "I do, thank you." Miss Manners would then steer the conversation back to the question at hand so as to cut off the inevitable follow-up question with, "And I'm afraid I'm running a bit late. Would you mind depositing my funds so I can be on my way?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A longtime friend constantly calls me for the "daily run" of her personal/professional activities, but rarely inquires about my own life. No matter what reason I use for ending our one-way conversation, she keeps on talking!

What would you suggest would be the most polite but effective way of bringing her litany to an end?

GENTLE READER: Terminating a telephone call is as easy as apologizing and saying that you really must go. Even inveterate talkers occasionally pause for air.

But it appears to Miss Manners that what you are really hoping is that you can change your friend so that she shows the same interest in your life that you have demonstrated in hers.

Longtime friends are as difficult to retrain as family members, and yours may not be interested in reciprocating, having grown accustomed to your one-sided relationship. If this is the case, you can at least restore the balance by limiting your own availability.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a few friends I invite out socially, but some of them have started declining my invitations with a succinct, "I'll pass."

I'm in my late 20s, and I've always declined invitations by first thanking the person for the invitation, and then expressing apologies for not being able to attend.

I feel that "I'll pass" is a somewhat rude way of declining an invitation; after all, I'm not passing around a plate of cookies. I admit that it does bother me, and I find myself inviting out those friends less and less.

Since when has "I'll pass" entered the vernacular and become an acceptable way of declining an invitation?

GENTLE READER: It has not, neither for the invitation nor for the cookie. Miss Manners reminds you that she stands between the vernacular and the acceptable and refuses to give rudeness a pass.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If you are hosting a colleague's baby shower and are serving only cupcakes, is it OK to provide only napkins instead of small plates?

GENTLE READER: Only if you plan to vacuum after everyone leaves.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last fall, I married my partner of 24 years in another state that allowed gay marriages, as our state did not. Once back, we had a lovely reception at our home and hosted about 100 guests.

We really did not want presents, and after doing some research, decided not to mention anything about gifts on the invitation. We received many great and unique gifts and many gift cards, which were put to good use.

However, we were surprised to receive a number of greeting cards with promises to take us out to dinner to celebrate. Seven months later, not one has made good on their promise.

Not that we are keeping track, but each time we see one of these folks, we hear, "Oh, we still owe you a dinner!"

I politely reply, "You don't owe us a thing, but we would love to go out with you sometime soon!" It is to the point of being very awkward when we see one of these people. We never bring up the forgotten dinner.

I hope young married couples do not receive such promises as gifts. What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That you needn't worry about the awkwardness, which is of their making, and which you have been handling gracefully.

Miss Manners quite agrees with you about such promises. She does not doubt that the desks of many parents now contain prettily decorated but worn slips of paper with Christmas promises from their children for breakfast in bed and other treats.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I will be celebrating our 50th wedding anniversary next year, if the Lord is willing and we are still both here, and I would like to have our names printed on the napkins. Which one of his names should I use?

All our friends and family who live in the state where we were born and attended school called him by his middle name. He was in the Army for over 20 years, and wherever we lived and where we have lived now, for almost 40 years, people call him by his first name. We are hoping some of our friends and relatives will be coming for the reception from our home state.

I don't want to have two stacks of napkins -- kind of confusing, as people here would wonder what is going on. So, which name should be put on the napkins?

GENTLE READER: That this is what we now call "a First World problem" does not bother Miss Manners. What does is that etiquette has no tradition to cover this.

Somehow it failed to acknowledge paper napkins. Thus the closest precedent is that a bride's linen napkins are monogrammed with her initials. That's no help at all -- wrong material and 50 years too late.

So Miss Manners will have to set a precedent, as well as a special exception for this case.

Paper napkins being highly informal, marking them with whatever one goes by, including a nickname, is better than trying to pass them off as the real thing. However, here she would allow you to use both your husband's and your first and middle names, so as not to prompt any guests to think that there has been a switch that they missed.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)