DEAR MISS MANNERS: I regularly frequent a fairly informal pizza chain, as I like their lunch special. I was sitting at the bar yesterday when my food came; I took a bite of pizza and then saw, in between the salad and pizza, a dead bug.

It was bigger than a fruit fly, but not huge. A work call came in, so I took about five minutes to deal with that, and then waited for the server/bartender, and finally went over to talk to her.

I know intellectually the bug wasn't a huge deal, but because I spent several minutes with it on my plate, upside down with the legs in the air, I just didn't have an appetite. I quietly told the server that I understood it wasn't her fault, but I had a bug on my plate and wasn't going to be eating any more lunch.

She said she was sorry, took the plate away, and I left. I told my boyfriend about it later, and he, just like the server, seemed to be surprised that I got up and left.

What's the proper etiquette in that situation? If you go to a sit-down restaurant and see something like that after having taken only one bite, is it OK to leave, or is that bad form? Should I have given the restaurant another chance?

I go pretty often (once a week) and tip well, usually 50 percent. I also just didn't have an appetite after that, which was very disappointing because I had been hungry and love pizza.

But I definitely didn't mean to be impolite, and I didn't make a scene. I was as quiet as possible because I didn't want the other people at the bar to hear.

GENTLE READER: Another chance to do what, exactly? Clean the kitchen?

Miss Manners appreciates your concern for the restaurateur's feelings, but assures you that good manners do not require you to take a chance on a replacement meal. An astute server -- not to mention her boss -- should have been all over you with apologies and restitution out of concern that you would call the local health department. Which, by the way, might be a good idea.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When an expecting mother is out in public -- for instance, in the waiting area of a casual restaurant -- where all the seating is taken and she begins to feel a little unsteady on her feet, would it be appropriate for her to ask a man who is sitting down if she might borrow his seat for a few minutes? Or must she leave the restaurant to find somewhere to sit down?

GENTLE READER: Even in a formal restaurant, Miss Manners would think that any gentleman would happily give up his seat, if only to avoid the glares that would follow from those watching a pregnant lady passing out on the floor in front of him.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I recently discovered a beautiful farmstead not far from where we live that is used as a venue for weddings and similar events. We would love to host a party for friends there, but don't have a particular event we are celebrating.

I would enjoy the planning and bringing people together. But what do you call a party that is not a birthday, anniversary, shower, wedding, retirement, holiday or fundraiser?

I've never received an invitation to a gala just for fun, and I'm interested in your suggestions for what to call such an event and how to proceed with invitations. I have no expectations for our guests except that they RSVP and come with good intentions.

GENTLE READER: Just for fun? You mean that it will not be a party in your own honor, and that you are not even expecting, much less demanding, presents?

That you have never heard of such a thing makes Miss Manners weep. Has society so thoroughly embraced the selfie event, complete with gift registry, that true social life has disappeared?

If so, thank you for reinventing it. Your guests will be puzzled at first, but may discover how pleasant it is to attend an event where the focus is on their enjoying themselves, rather than celebrating their hosts.

In the dim past, when socializing was done just for fun, the name of the event was an indication of the degree of formality. "Gala" is a term associated with fundraisers, so Miss Manners suggests your simply calling it a party.

You will still be besieged by guests asking, "What should I bring?" and "Where are you registered?" by others who have never heard of selfless hospitality. Miss Manners hopes that you will take the opportunity to explain it to them. It would be a nice custom to revive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a member of a national organization that requires $90 annual dues to help with many very worthy projects. A few times a year I will be sent a "gift" from the current president and a letter asking for an extra donation toward her project of the year.

In the past, I always sent extra to help. This year we have experienced a lot of personal hardships, and my donation was smaller and slower being sent in.

I just received a letter informing me that I needed to pay for my "gift" as soon as possible. It is a cheaply made plastic tote bag. I think this is rude.

What should my response be? I would like to return it with a note.

GENTLE READER: By all means, do that. If you can explain to this organization that unethical business practices -- sending unsolicited merchandise and then demanding payment -- raise suspicions about the ethics of an organization, Miss Manners will consider that you have made a valuable contribution.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 19-year-old son just started dating a 22-year-old woman who lives with her parents. His first visit was over 24 hours. Now he has been gone over 12 hours.

I've tried to instill good manners into my son, but he ignores me and says her parents don't care. How do you instill better habits, and how long is OK to stay before you've outstayed your welcome?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners is sorry to have to tell you that apparently your son did not outstay his welcome, whatever form that welcome took.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I are having a disagreement over whether to make an exception regarding children attending a birthday party we are having at a winery.

We have sent invitations indicating "no children allowed," but a niece of his said that she and her husband would not be able to attend because they could not find a baby sitter.

The party is for my boyfriend, and he says he would like them to attend so he wants to tell them that it is fine to bring the kids. I have disagreed because it will open up a big can of worms -- her brother will then want to bring his kids, as well as other relatives wanting to bring theirs.

He says we will not "announce" that his niece is bringing hers, and if her brother asks to bring his children as well, he again will make an exception.

When I asked if my sister could bring her child, his reply was no, as my sister had already RSVP'd and had not asked to bring her daughter.

Please help. His niece's children are 3 and 6 years old. The others would be around the same age, if not younger.

GENTLE READER: If you think you have an etiquette problem now, consider what could happen if you let toddlers loose in a winery. Are you even certain that the venue will allow it? If not, there is your solution.

Regardless, Miss Manners agrees that it is indeed rude and unfair to show guests who did find baby sitters that your rule applied to them, but not to more favored guests.

Either do not allow children -- for their own safety -- or change the venue. Surely no one wants to experience the result of mixing angry friends with alcohol.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At the funeral of a good friend last week, a baby at the back of the church fussed and fretted nearly the entire time. She didn't exactly howl, but she was very noisy.

It was difficult to appreciate the service and the memorials because I was so irritated. Even during a regular church service, this would have been distracting, but I feel that a funeral is no place for a baby.

Who, if anyone, should have suggested that the parent remove the child? I didn't feel it was my place.

GENTLE READER: A funeral is no place for crying? Perhaps the baby was expressing her grief. Would you have requested the same from a similarly distraught adult?

If you promise not to betray your irritation, Miss Manners will allow that you or a member of the congregation could have asked if the parent wouldn't mind stepping out to attend to the baby's needs in private. But if this was refused on the grounds that they were entitled to their sorrow, then you must accept it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)