DEAR MISS MANNERS: My boyfriend and I are having a disagreement over whether to make an exception regarding children attending a birthday party we are having at a winery.

We have sent invitations indicating "no children allowed," but a niece of his said that she and her husband would not be able to attend because they could not find a baby sitter.

The party is for my boyfriend, and he says he would like them to attend so he wants to tell them that it is fine to bring the kids. I have disagreed because it will open up a big can of worms -- her brother will then want to bring his kids, as well as other relatives wanting to bring theirs.

He says we will not "announce" that his niece is bringing hers, and if her brother asks to bring his children as well, he again will make an exception.

When I asked if my sister could bring her child, his reply was no, as my sister had already RSVP'd and had not asked to bring her daughter.

Please help. His niece's children are 3 and 6 years old. The others would be around the same age, if not younger.

GENTLE READER: If you think you have an etiquette problem now, consider what could happen if you let toddlers loose in a winery. Are you even certain that the venue will allow it? If not, there is your solution.

Regardless, Miss Manners agrees that it is indeed rude and unfair to show guests who did find baby sitters that your rule applied to them, but not to more favored guests.

Either do not allow children -- for their own safety -- or change the venue. Surely no one wants to experience the result of mixing angry friends with alcohol.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At the funeral of a good friend last week, a baby at the back of the church fussed and fretted nearly the entire time. She didn't exactly howl, but she was very noisy.

It was difficult to appreciate the service and the memorials because I was so irritated. Even during a regular church service, this would have been distracting, but I feel that a funeral is no place for a baby.

Who, if anyone, should have suggested that the parent remove the child? I didn't feel it was my place.

GENTLE READER: A funeral is no place for crying? Perhaps the baby was expressing her grief. Would you have requested the same from a similarly distraught adult?

If you promise not to betray your irritation, Miss Manners will allow that you or a member of the congregation could have asked if the parent wouldn't mind stepping out to attend to the baby's needs in private. But if this was refused on the grounds that they were entitled to their sorrow, then you must accept it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a party where a retired physician started asking me questions about whether or not I had had various medical tests.

I know that the tests she asked about are recommended for women of my age, but I also believe that this is a conversation for me to have with my own physician. She might well be asking out of a genuine desire to share her medical wisdom, but I found it rude to be interrogated by a stranger in a social situation. How could I have handled this without being disrespectful?

GENTLE READER: Resist the temptation to ask if the state medical board knows she is still practicing medicine -- and at parties, where it is presumably impossible to protect a patient's legal right to privacy. Instead, Miss Manners suggests you thank her for her interest and explain that being a physician herself, she will understand that you discuss medical problems only with your own doctor.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to text-message the words "I love you" to a woman when you are declaring it for the first time?

GENTLE READER: Are you concerned that her reaction will not be what you hope?

Otherwise, Miss Manners cannot understand why you would not wish to convey this information in person, knowing you might receive a response that is not limited to alphanumeric characters.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My new husband and I received, as a wedding gift from my new mother-in-law, a very fussy, floral printed duvet cover and sheet set that neither my husband nor myself would ever have picked out, as we both prefer neutral, subtle patterns, if any pattern at all.

My mother-in-law did not include a gift receipt, and I would like to know if it is terribly rude to ask her if we could exchange it for something more suited to our tastes. My husband thinks we should just keep it, never use it and never tell her about it. Any thoughts?

GENTLE READER: Chiefly how odd it is that you are willing to offend your new mother-in-law (not to mention cutting off any future generosity on her part) and to ignore your husband (whose advice is based on a better knowledge of his mother's feelings than you could have acquired) over a coverlet.

Miss Manners realizes that it is now common to think of the ancient ritual of exchanging presents as merely a way to acquire what one has already decided one wants. But you might not have thought of buying yourselves an extra coverlet for guests, camping or parking visiting babies, and now you have one. You need only thank her (without mentioning such uses) and stash it away until needed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Which is more rude? To look at a text while engaged in an important conservation? Or to leave the text until the conversation is done?

GENTLE READER: The former. It is more difficult to convince people who are right in front of you that you don't see them than it is to have failed to see a text message the instant it was sent.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: On my daughter's 17th birthday, she received, in my view, an insulting gift from her grandparents. Birthdays in my family and for me are special days, and the birthday girl or boy is made to feel like a king or queen in celebration of their birth.

This gift was a gift card and a packet of thank-you cards.

My daughter was crestfallen as she absorbed the not-so-subtle insult. I was able to make her feel better, but the damage was already done.

My daughter wishes to express to her grandparents how deeply they hurt her feelings but does not wish to have a confrontation. Do you have a suggestion or two for this circumstance?

GENTLE READER: As you encourage your daughter to feel like a queen, she might consider ordering their execution. However, you do not seem to have warned her of the usual eventual fate of despots who are harshly unjust even to their most loyal subjects.

But perhaps it is Miss Manners who is being unjust by assuming that the apparent insult may have arisen from a legitimate grievance. If it did not, she acknowledges that a polite protest might be included in the letter in which your daughter first thanks her grandparents for the gift certificate.

She could admit then to being somewhat puzzled by the thank-you cards. "As you know," she could continue, "I have always eagerly expressed my gratitude immediately upon receiving your generous presents. Would you rather that I did so on these cards, instead of on the paper I have been using? I would, of course, be happy to oblige."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am dating a lovely man who is perhaps all I could ask for in terms of character. I am always reassured in terms of how he handles difficult topics, moral dilemmas or anything having to do with our relationship.

I greatly value him for this. And we have interests in common -- we are both athletes, love to entertain, and he's active in his community, as am I.

Unfortunately, I am bored by his conversation. He runs a restaurant, and while I am interested in business and love to cook, he talks endlessly about the preparation of food. There is a significant discussion around every meal, where he can find this or that item, what he will eat this morning, this afternoon, tonight, as well as a litany of topics related to what is served at his restaurant.

Clearly, he is in the right industry! He obviously enjoys these conversations, and I see the value in many of them, but not 10 times a day. Is there a way for me to politely divert him? Or are we a mismatch?

GENTLE READER: You soon will be, if you let on that his conversation bores you.

It is not that Miss Manners lacks sympathy or is unwilling to rescue you. It's too bad that she cannot invoke the etiquette rule against talking about food at dinner parties (not that anyone obeys it) because these are private conversations.

What you could try is carrying on about how much you would enjoy being surprised by what he makes, and allowed to guess the ingredients.

This should eliminate the preliminary talk.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)