DEAR MISS MANNERS: On my daughter's 17th birthday, she received, in my view, an insulting gift from her grandparents. Birthdays in my family and for me are special days, and the birthday girl or boy is made to feel like a king or queen in celebration of their birth.

This gift was a gift card and a packet of thank-you cards.

My daughter was crestfallen as she absorbed the not-so-subtle insult. I was able to make her feel better, but the damage was already done.

My daughter wishes to express to her grandparents how deeply they hurt her feelings but does not wish to have a confrontation. Do you have a suggestion or two for this circumstance?

GENTLE READER: As you encourage your daughter to feel like a queen, she might consider ordering their execution. However, you do not seem to have warned her of the usual eventual fate of despots who are harshly unjust even to their most loyal subjects.

But perhaps it is Miss Manners who is being unjust by assuming that the apparent insult may have arisen from a legitimate grievance. If it did not, she acknowledges that a polite protest might be included in the letter in which your daughter first thanks her grandparents for the gift certificate.

She could admit then to being somewhat puzzled by the thank-you cards. "As you know," she could continue, "I have always eagerly expressed my gratitude immediately upon receiving your generous presents. Would you rather that I did so on these cards, instead of on the paper I have been using? I would, of course, be happy to oblige."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am dating a lovely man who is perhaps all I could ask for in terms of character. I am always reassured in terms of how he handles difficult topics, moral dilemmas or anything having to do with our relationship.

I greatly value him for this. And we have interests in common -- we are both athletes, love to entertain, and he's active in his community, as am I.

Unfortunately, I am bored by his conversation. He runs a restaurant, and while I am interested in business and love to cook, he talks endlessly about the preparation of food. There is a significant discussion around every meal, where he can find this or that item, what he will eat this morning, this afternoon, tonight, as well as a litany of topics related to what is served at his restaurant.

Clearly, he is in the right industry! He obviously enjoys these conversations, and I see the value in many of them, but not 10 times a day. Is there a way for me to politely divert him? Or are we a mismatch?

GENTLE READER: You soon will be, if you let on that his conversation bores you.

It is not that Miss Manners lacks sympathy or is unwilling to rescue you. It's too bad that she cannot invoke the etiquette rule against talking about food at dinner parties (not that anyone obeys it) because these are private conversations.

What you could try is carrying on about how much you would enjoy being surprised by what he makes, and allowed to guess the ingredients.

This should eliminate the preliminary talk.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son, who is in the Navy, and his wife are expecting their first child. I wanted to have a shower for them, but they are unable to come back home to attend it.

What, if anything, is the proper way to have something for them without it being seen as tacky? Can I do a welcoming event by sending out cards with the baby's name and expected birth date on it? What would be the best wording to use for such a thing?

Most of her family lives in one area, and they will be having a small shower for her when she goes home for a week. Our family is spread out all over the East Coast.

I am at a loss. I don't want to wait until after the baby is born because anyone who has children knows how all the little things can add up pretty quickly. Also, doing something online or virtual is out because we have a lot of older guests that wouldn't know what to do or how to do it. HELP!!!

GENTLE READER: ALL RIGHT!!! (But if you don't like the answer, please refrain from shouting at Miss Manners again.)

An expected birth date announcement is not only strange, but also pointless, as it could easily turn out to be inaccurate.

Anyway, relatives are not supposed to give showers (although that should not be used as an excuse to criticize the in-laws). It makes it look as if their only motivation for entertaining is to extract presents, which, in your cases, is only too clear.

With a bit of patience, you could announce the baby's actual birth, or even, if the family is coming to visit, invite people to meet the newest relative. Many will respond -- don't get over-excited here -- by sending presents. The notion that all necessities must be in place before the baby is born is a silly one.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I read somewhere that an insert called an attire card can be placed along with your wedding invitations if you wish to describe your wedding attire more specifically and elaborately. It said this is optional, but I want to ask whether it is appropriate to use such a card, or if it is bad etiquette.

GENTLE READER? Is the assumption that otherwise, people will keep stopping the bride on her way up the aisle to ask, "Who are you wearing?"

If that is likely to be the case, Miss Manners would think that the proper place to release such information to an insatiably curious public is a press release.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I (age 69) have been dating a man (age 75) for the past year. Both of us are unsure how to introduce each other in social situations.

We introduce each other as, "I would like you to meet my friend (insert name)." Our relationship is exclusive and more than friendship, but we are not engaged. At our age to be introduced as girlfriend or boyfriend sounds ridiculous. How should we introduce each other?

GENTLE READER: Just the way you are doing. Miss Manners assure you that everyone is able to figure out that you are a couple.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Friends have made it very clear that they no longer answer their house phones, nor do they check their email accounts.

My wife works out of town and we travel as a couple a great deal, for business and pleasure. In an effort to plan an event or mark a change in their lives, we have resorted to personal notes.

The results have been disappointing at best. Often we are met with silence, and, on a number of occasions, with anger.

It appears we are to play telephone tag or text their cellphones with invitations or remembrances of major events in their lives. The passing of family, pets, jobs or other events can all be handled in less than 140 characters.

Did we miss the memo: Have our lives become so busy and tied to a cellphone that an attempt to express sympathy, compassion or extend an invitation is to be derided as belonging to another era?

GENTLE READER: By your own account, you have resorted to personal notes not because you believe in a more graceful way of communicating, but rather because no one is answering your emails and home voice mails.

Miss Manners sympathizes and suggests that this form the basis of your response to those who object to your handwritten missives.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are friends with recovering alcoholics who have been sober for more than 10 years. We try to plan activities together that do not involve food and drink, but invariably end up sharing a restaurant meal. My husband says I should skip my usual glass of wine when dining with them.

I have a severe allergy to dairy products; a small amount can make me sick for days. Our friends know this, but order large bowls of ice cream to finish their meals, commenting on how delicious it is and telling me what a shame it is that I can't have any.

My husband says the wine and the ice cream are not the same issue. Are they?

GENTLE READER: Yes.

The next time your friends are so rude as to taunt you, Miss Manners would consider it a perfect opportunity to point that out.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter (age 27) and I had a lengthy, mildly heated debate about returning texts. If someone texts her to see how her studies are going, my daughter says she doesn't have time to respond to every such text.

I feel that anytime someone takes the time to pick up a phone or text or email you to see how you are doing, you should get back to that person. I also say it is a reflection of your character.

She totally disagrees.

GENTLE READER: Sometimes, two or more perfectly valid etiquette rules can be contradictory, and one must use judgment to decide which of them takes precedence.

While Miss Manners agrees that inquiries from a friend or family member deserve a response, she wonders how often these updates are being requested. There is also a rule against pestering someone who is trying to work.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)