DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm not sure how to handle it when my sister-in-law keeps bringing up how her 7-month-old baby boy looks like my 4-year-old son. She has gone so far as to take a picture of a picture of my son with her cellphone and walk around a party showing everyone and asking if her son looks like mine.

Honestly, her son looks nothing like my son, and I find it aggravating and borderline creepy that she keeps bringing it up. I'm not sure what to do. We do not have a good relationship at all, so I'm not sure why she insists on doing this at every social event we attend, or what she is trying to prove.

GENTLE READER: And what exactly is it that are you trying to prove? That your son and his cousin are not from the same family? Or that acts of indiscretion might have been involved in conceiving them?

Miss Manners is also at a loss about why you would consider a family resemblance creepy. If anything, it is a compliment to your son that she fancies that her son resembles him.

However, Miss Manners is beginning to understand why you and your sister-in-law are not close.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I manage an age-restricted apartment community, and I enjoy hosting activities for my residents. This is just an extra I do on my own. I love seeing them have fun. This month I tried something new and had a catered dinner. The cost was $12 per person, paid in advance.

One couple out of the 40 people who signed up did not attend the event. I thought about calling them, but then I got busy hosting the party for the other 38 who did attend. I am afraid that once things got rolling, I never gave the couple who did not show up another thought.

This couple was very upset the next day when they discovered that they missed the party and came in asking why I hadn't called them. They also asked for their meals, which I had not saved. I traditionally give any leftovers from events to my maintenance staff.

Do I have an obligation to remind people of a social event that I host and/or save their meals?

GENTLE READER? Under normal circumstances, no. A host does not -- and should not -- have an obligation to remind guests of an invitation.

But Miss Manners assumes that "age-restricted" means it is a retirement home or assisted-living facility. In that case, it seems that your assistance may be needed. If you know that it's a possibility that your guests might forget, send out a reminder the day of the event and save their meals when practical, or make arrangements to provide comparable ones at a later date -- one that you might also have to remind them to attend.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What are your thoughts on being invited to a Thanksgiving meal, only to be asked to pay per person (family)? Not everyone invited is asked to pay, and those that are asked to pay, pay more than a fair share.

GENTLE READER: A thought: Isn't Thanksgiving all about sharing? And charging relatives for their meals does not meet Miss Manners' definition of that.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The sense of private space seems to have changed radically over the last several years. Everyone now seems so intent on texting, but there is still the person on public transportation who is yelling at his ex-wife about child support payments.

I don't think all of us on the bus need to hear about this. But the presumption seems to be that we are politely to pretend we are not hearing this. Any intervention, suggesting this might be better dealt with in the privacy of one's home, is treated with hostility.

Is pretending not to hear still the preferred mode?

GENTLE READER: Yes and no. Eavesdropping is indeed rude, but Miss Manners suggests that you recast your objection as a warning to someone in danger.

And people who air their legal complaints or other delicate private business in public are in great danger. For all that caller knows, his ex-wife's lawyer is two seats back on the bus, alerted to the opportunity to add a harassment charge to reopen the divorce settlement. Or the child in the aisle is a classmate of one of his children who may use the information for taunting.

You may therefore attempt to catch the caller's eye, give him a sympathetic look, and wave your hand to indicate all the people who may be listening to the conversation.

Mind you, Miss Manners still thinks it less trouble to move to the back of the bus. Or to get off, if the commotion occurs within reasonable distance of your stop.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If a family is getting together at Thanksgiving, and one of the families attending has a 2-year-old with egg and peanut allergies, does the mom have the right to email everyone and tell them they cannot bring anything with eggs and/or peanuts to the function?

I could understand it if the parents of the child were hosting the party, but if someone else is hosting and they are just attending, does that parent have the right to change everyone's plans?

GENTLE READER: The "right"? Does that mean that you are asserting a counter-right to risk making a toddler dangerously ill?

Miss Manners is generally in favor of those with special requirements making accommodations for themselves without demanding them of others. But when the mere proximity of something poses a threat, it is polite, as well as humane, to comply.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My older sister and I are always getting into fights. She always wants something of mine and I always want something of hers.

We've tried trading, but it doesn't work. This apartment isn't big enough for both of us. What can I do?

GENTLE READER: Grow up?

No, Miss Manners realizes that you are looking for a shorter-term solution that does not involve hair-pulling.

Trading, as you have discovered, only opens up new areas for disagreement: Is a dinosaur worth two balloons or three? Unlike business transactions, family relationships involve gestures that are not immediately reciprocated. If your sister wants something of yours, you might try setting an example by simply letting her play with it or borrow it. If she doesn't keel over from shock, she might, with quiet reminders, learn to reciprocate.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the last two years, my husband and I have hosted Thanksgiving at our home (about 16 people total). Every year he asks that no one bring anything, and he always loses out. Everyone wants to bring something, and I don't mind if they do.

He likes having everyone over, just like I do, but he wants to know why we can't just host the dinner and provide all the food.

He does not want to host if people are going to bring food. He doesn't like a dozen people all in the kitchen trying to prepare food at the same time he is.

The problem is that I think my family would rather die than come to someone's home for a holiday meal and not bring food. His mother hosts Christmas dinner and no one brings anything.

How do we tell our guests that we are providing the food, and that they don't need to bring anything? This is causing us a lot of anxiety and stress.

GENTLE READER: This is not the usual Thanksgiving kitchen complaint. Miss Manners is more used to hearing about expensive or complicated menu assignments, failure to comply or live up to expected culinary standards, and unseemly squabbles over who gets the leftovers.

There is, after all, historical precedent for Thanksgiving dinner's being a communal meal. Many people prefer it to be that way. Now, if only everyone also respected the historical precedent for the convivial spirit of the occasion ...

Your husband is not imposing on anyone with his hospitable request to provide for your guests. Does your family think it gracious to defy and annoy him?

And you seem to think that his position is odd. But the automatic assumption that every dinner party must be what is now termed "potluck" drives many hosts crazy. Miss Manners has had countless letters about guests who sabotage their hosts' carefully planned arrangements, which were only intended to please them: They take up kitchen space and equipment, substitute their own food, even dump their offerings on the table.

Astoundingly, they do it in the name of politeness. How it can be considered polite to commandeer someone else's house against his express wishes, they have not explained to Miss Manners' satisfaction.

Please tell your family that if they will die without bringing something, they can bring flowers, candy or a treat, such as wine (the usual one bottle being neither coordinated with the meal nor enough for a dinner party) for the hosts to enjoy later.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was having lunch in a nice restaurant with a friend and six of my relatives. My sister was seated across the table from me.

For no apparent reason she asked me to let her see my neck, so I lifted my chin and revealed my neck. She said, "You have a turkey neck."

Everyone at the table was stunned. I believe her behavior was as rude as it gets. How in the world should I have responded to this?

GENTLE READER: "You're still mad about when we were little, and Daddy gave me the drumstick instead of you, aren't you? I'll make sure you get it this time."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)