DEAR MISS MANNERS: For the last two years, my husband and I have hosted Thanksgiving at our home (about 16 people total). Every year he asks that no one bring anything, and he always loses out. Everyone wants to bring something, and I don't mind if they do.

He likes having everyone over, just like I do, but he wants to know why we can't just host the dinner and provide all the food.

He does not want to host if people are going to bring food. He doesn't like a dozen people all in the kitchen trying to prepare food at the same time he is.

The problem is that I think my family would rather die than come to someone's home for a holiday meal and not bring food. His mother hosts Christmas dinner and no one brings anything.

How do we tell our guests that we are providing the food, and that they don't need to bring anything? This is causing us a lot of anxiety and stress.

GENTLE READER: This is not the usual Thanksgiving kitchen complaint. Miss Manners is more used to hearing about expensive or complicated menu assignments, failure to comply or live up to expected culinary standards, and unseemly squabbles over who gets the leftovers.

There is, after all, historical precedent for Thanksgiving dinner's being a communal meal. Many people prefer it to be that way. Now, if only everyone also respected the historical precedent for the convivial spirit of the occasion ...

Your husband is not imposing on anyone with his hospitable request to provide for your guests. Does your family think it gracious to defy and annoy him?

And you seem to think that his position is odd. But the automatic assumption that every dinner party must be what is now termed "potluck" drives many hosts crazy. Miss Manners has had countless letters about guests who sabotage their hosts' carefully planned arrangements, which were only intended to please them: They take up kitchen space and equipment, substitute their own food, even dump their offerings on the table.

Astoundingly, they do it in the name of politeness. How it can be considered polite to commandeer someone else's house against his express wishes, they have not explained to Miss Manners' satisfaction.

Please tell your family that if they will die without bringing something, they can bring flowers, candy or a treat, such as wine (the usual one bottle being neither coordinated with the meal nor enough for a dinner party) for the hosts to enjoy later.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was having lunch in a nice restaurant with a friend and six of my relatives. My sister was seated across the table from me.

For no apparent reason she asked me to let her see my neck, so I lifted my chin and revealed my neck. She said, "You have a turkey neck."

Everyone at the table was stunned. I believe her behavior was as rude as it gets. How in the world should I have responded to this?

GENTLE READER: "You're still mad about when we were little, and Daddy gave me the drumstick instead of you, aren't you? I'll make sure you get it this time."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I married this past year. After the wedding, we immediately began trying to become pregnant to fulfill our dreams of having a child.

It was several months of unsuccessful and frustrating attempts. I did everything I was counseled to do, including following a "schedule" for our love-making and tracking my cycles and urinating on ovulation sticks -- the whole nine yards. Nothing.

Then, six months later, I was diagnosed with a brain tumor that needed to be removed. It was major surgery, I was in the hospital for days, etc. (It was benign and I'm now fine.)

During my recovery period, my husband and I almost entirely abstained -- except once, which was basically me capitulating to his desires, as I was incapable of fully participating due to my surgical injuries.

Imagine my surprise when I discovered this one time resulted in a pregnancy! Miss Manners, I truly was very ill. The encounter lasted just a couple of minutes, and I had to prop myself up with pillows to even get it done!

I only did it to give my husband a little pleasure -- he did such a great job caring for me, and I wanted to give him something back. I never dreamed we'd get pregnant after the months of unsuccessful attempts.

All my doctors have given me the OK to continue the pregnancy, and the expectation is that the baby will be perfectly healthy and I will not have any troubles stemming from my previous medical problems. However, I feel extremely awkward about it, as all my family, friends and co-workers know about my recent surgery, and it doesn't take an expert to do some quick math to figure out I got pregnant during my recovery period.

We're almost ready to tell people about the pregnancy. How do I respond to questions about the timing of our pregnancy? I am truly excited to be able to move on from what was a very scary and challenging time in my life and have the baby we always dreamed of, but the idea of explaining to everyone I know that I was trying to be appreciative and did it for my husband seems mortifying.

I know this shouldn't be a problem, as no one with any good manners would ask about the timing, but it seems lately that manners are out the window.

GENTLE READER: It is difficult to accept the argument that you consider other people indiscreet when you yourself have freely -- and publicly -- offered up such personal, vivid and unnecessary details of the conception without provocation. Miss Manners is grateful that she does not have to try to look you or your husband in the eye.

No doubt people are nosy, but your friends would have to be paying awfully close attention to wonder about the timing and question its reasoning. If they do ask, you could simply say, "Yes, aren't we lucky?" and leave it at that.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son's girlfriend's mother asked my son if he wanted to "come over for Thanksgiving dinner." I am amazed that she would invite him away from his own family on a day that has traditionally been reserved for family, although I understand that this holiday does include friends as well. However, I would like to know the proper way to handle this.

GENTLE READER: Handle what? As Miss Manners understands it, you were not invited. The only thing you have to handle is your son, if you are not happy with his decision.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a friend who calls or comes by only when she has no one else to hang out with.

We've known each other for 13 years and have gone out together only two times that I can recall. She asks me to do things with her, then makes plans with other people and doesn't even let me know that she changed her plans, so I get stuck sitting around trying to come up with something to do all day.

I want to say something, but I don't know how to say it without sounding hurtful or resentful. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: "I'm so sorry, I'm busy." If you have gone out only twice in 13 years, Miss Manners assures you that this answer is unlikely to have an adverse affect on either your social calendar or what you generously call a friendship.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend invited herself to our house for Thanksgiving, and I did not say no. My husband had a fit and says no way. How do I tell her she cannot come over for dinner?

GENTLE READER: You might take a lesson from your husband in how to say no. Apparently he knows how to do this effectively.

Actually, you would have had to learn to top him at that had you actually issued the Thanksgiving invitation. But as your friend issued it herself, Miss Manners will allow you some leeway.

You could tell her, in tones of extreme regret, that while you would love to have her to dinner, it will have to be on another occasion, as in this case you had failed to check with your husband and now find that it is impossible.

But please do not try to explain why it is impossible. Part of the skill of saying no is to shut up afterward and not babble on, offering material for an argument.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a small, intimate funeral service for the elderly mother of a close friend, held in a chapel at the cemetery, I noticed the woman next to me reading something on her cellphone, after which she began texting.

I looked at her as she was doing this, and she stopped typing and, I thought, put the device away.

As the service progressed, however, she continually pulled the device out again and started texting. This happened throughout the service. Beyond the fact that it was unbelievably rude to do this in a church setting, let alone a funeral service, it was very distracting.

I was tempted to do a number of things, including asking her to put the device away or even changing seats, but I just kept quiet and endured her rudeness. What should one do in these situations? When is using such a device considered bad manners?

GENTLE READER: Suggesting that "You might find it less distracting to text outside" has the advantage of ambiguity: If said politely, it might seem to offer sympathy over annoyance caused by trying to read and write while surrounded by mourners.

Miss Manners prefers this to drawing attention to the fact that this person's dinner plans are more important to her than a friend's mother's death and the grief of the bereaved.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)