DEAR MISS MANNERS: My spouse and I married out of state in 2010, after several happy years together, because our home state does not recognize same-sex marriage.

He works in the arts; I am a lawyer. We attend many social and artistic events and have a wide circle of accepting friends.

However (ironically, I think, given our respective careers), I am much more apt to introduce him as my spouse with new acquaintances. He either haltingly introduces me as his "partner," or worse yet, ignores me altogether, even when I am standing right next to him.

He has attempted to excuse this by explaining that it is "not personal" and that he does not wish to render uncomfortable people whose views he does not yet know.

I have responded that it is indeed personal, since it is happening to me, and that the potential prejudices of strangers are not to be catered to; if they are offended, they can excuse themselves and find other people with whom to chat.

GENTLE READER: Struggles for civil rights focus their energy first on achieving equality before the law. But as you have discovered, that does not mean the etiquette will automatically follow.

Good manners do not always require that you make those around you comfortable by catering to their possible prejudices. Of course spouses should be introduced as such. Miss Manners hopes that the worst thing your spouse is seeking to avoid by his behavior is a polite but cold response.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As I'm sure you know, Southerners like myself address everyone we meet that we are not on a first-name basis with as "Sir" or "Ma'am." I travel to the North on business quite a bit and am occasionally joshed about that with good humor and occasionally not-so-good humor. How should I respond to such attempts at correction, or should I respond at all?

GENTLE READER: "Oh, sorry. It's a term of respect, but if you tell me it's not warranted in your case, of course I'll stop."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a woman who has never married and there is no likelihood of my doing so in the future. I've begun declining wedding invitations, sending a lovely gift, and enjoying not being there.

The weddings I attended in the past were not enjoyable and made me feel distinctly inferior to the couples surrounding me. They have all been focused on the married couples present and their children, and made me want to hide.

I put on a happy face and participated, but in almost all cases, it was clear that my attendance did not add to the couples' joy in the day, and my other relatives did not seem to even realize I was present.

My nieces will be marrying in the next few years. I would much prefer to send a gift and good wishes rather than end up going home feeling like a failure. Would this be a breach of manners?

GENTLE READER: Certainly you may decline these invitations politely. But Miss Manners hardly knows which is sadder: your relatives' wedding behavior, or your inability to forget yourself and be happy for others.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was taken aback by my elders' reactions to an anecdote about an encounter with a strange man who accosted me in a public place.

I have suddenly found myself to be a young lady, gradually achieving independence in the world, and, I am told, quite attractive. I have been approached by strangers with increasing frequency in the past few years, and as I am usually by myself and on foot, I have made it my policy that a brief exchange of polite conversation is acceptable, but as soon as a stranger calls me beautiful or makes a similar remark about my biology, the talk is over, and I quickly continue my prior business.

This was the end of my story that I related to my parents and my grandmother. My father was, overall, approving that I do not tolerate strange men and amused that I had walked away. This did not surprise me. My mother, on the other hand, suggested that I behave more like my sister, who, armed with a quick tongue and rapier wit, frequently enjoys making sport of her admirers.

My grandmother further shocked me when she said that I was behaving poorly and missing some wonderful opportunities to make friends and connections in the world, and that she frequently stops to have an exchange with strange men who call her lovely.

Miss Manners, I am loath to make contact with lewd young men. If approached as a lady with, perhaps, a comment on our environment, a compliment on an unusual possession or a question for directions, I may be inclined to continue with polite conversation. If a young man cannot think to talk about anything but my physiology, he must have mistaken me for a different kind of woman, and not a young lady who strives to remain respectable.

Were you to inform me that my ways are unduly harsh, I should endeavor to bear such attentions, although I had to this point believed that my behavior would be sanctioned by polite company.

GENTLE READER: Really? Your mother wants you to engage in banter with lewd strangers, and your grandmother believes that encouraging them would enrich your social life?

So much for the wisdom of your elders. When you were little, did they advise you to be friendly to strangers who offered you candy or rides in their cars?

Do they imagine that the remarks you describe are made by gentlemen who hope that they will lead to the discovery that you share an interest in history or art or gardening, and that a friendship or romance might then develop?

Miss Manners can only hope that your mother and grandmother speak from naivete, and be grateful that you have the good sense not to listen.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an invitation to attend a birthday celebration for a elderly friend of mine requesting "Lots of presents and gifts are most certainly demanded!" My friends and I would like to know if you think this is a proper way to send out invitations.

GENTLE READER: Now here is someone who keeps up with current trends in rudeness. Was the invitation written in letters cut out from magazines and accompanied by a threat?

If so, you might want to involve the police. If not, it would be generous enough to respond, declining the honor, as if it were a real invitation and not an unseemly demand.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I returned a phone call from a cousin, he asked why it had taken nearly two weeks for me to do so. I told him I wanted to be sure he'd receive my undivided attention when returning his call, and that was the reason for the delay.

Actually, it was not. He (and an increasing number of other people) only call me back when they are "stuck" with nothing better to do. I get calls from friends and family as they sit in traffic, wait in line, have a few minutes before they go in to see the dentist, etc. And worse yet, they tell me this!

To be informed that "Cousin Billy" only has a couple of minutes to talk because there are just two cars ahead of him at the drive-through does not make me feel special.

We are constantly interrupted during such chats by their children, traffic noises, other customers in line, and any number of things that distract them from the minimal amount of attention I'm already receiving. I'm constantly asked to "hold on a sec" while they place beverage orders, ask a question of the meat counter attendant, etc.

These half conversations make it almost seem like calling me back is a chore to be done in conjunction with other errands to lessen the pain. It's doubly annoying because when I initiate a call or receive one from them, off goes the TV and any other distractions; they receive my undivided attention.

I mentioned this to a co-worker who thought I was just being too sensitive, but I don't see it that way. I'm sure no malice or insult is intended, but in my opinion, it's absolutely thoughtless and rude.

What are your thoughts, Miss Manners? Oh, hang on a sec; the microwave's timer is beeping.

GENTLE READER: Indeed. Miss Manners is in total agreement with your handling of the situation.

That you don't want to reciprocate thoughtless behavior is hardly oversensitive or blameworthy. You should continue to call when it is convenient for you, and not to pick up when it isn't. If you are further reprimanded by your callers, recommend that they text-message you any essential information instead.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm a small-framed female in my mid-30s, working as a professor at a university. Both staff and students sometimes make comments suggesting that I look more like a student than a professor.

I dress professionally, but I still have a "young face." My usual response is along the lines of "Thank you! But I just pulled out many gray hairs this morning." Is there a more dignified response?

GENTLE READER: A weak smile alone would be sufficient. No jokes or excuses are necessary unless you yourself find it amusing.

In this youth-obsessed culture, you must assume that these comments are intended as compliments. In the meantime, Miss Manners assures you that the fact that you hold academic power should be proof enough that you are old enough to do so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)