DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do you think it's tacky to have magazines in the guest bathroom? These would be decorator magazines.

GENTLE READER: The subject of the magazine is hardly the point -- although that is not to suggest that context does not make some print offerings more alarming than others. Miss Manners is thinking of a friend who included her pre-med anatomy text on her shelf of cookbooks to see if anyone was paying attention.

Beyond that, she has no objection to bathroom reading material, even though she is too polite to inquire about anything that goes on behind the bathroom door. If pressed, she will admit only to a lack of sufficient space to shelve all her reading material in the library.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I volunteer for, and contribute to, a local charity. At an appreciation luncheon for 20 volunteers at a local restaurant, five volunteers sat at each table, along with a representative of the charity.

As soon as the representative for my table sat down, one of the other women announced that the charity shouldn't spend money buying her lunch and handed the representative $20. The woman next to me, whom I don't know well, immediately reached into her purse and pulled out $20. She turned expectantly to me.

I told her, truthfully, that I had only $3. She laughed, pulled out a $10, and gave the rep $30. I said thank you.

Of course I'll pay her back, but was this correct behavior? No one else from our table gave the rep any money, and a friend of mine at another table said no one at her table gave anything. Were we obligated to offer to pay? Should the rep have accepted the money?

GENTLE READER: As it is the business of charities to collect donations, Miss Manners understands why the representative failed to decline the contribution. And as it is virtuous to contribute to charity, she understands that the volunteer felt she was being generous.

But between them, they managed to undermine the purpose of the occasion and to cause embarrassment to innocent people.

When the appreciation luncheon was proposed, the lady could have spoken out, as a participant in the charity, suggesting that while the gesture was appreciated, perhaps all volunteers would like to pay their own way. Or she could have declined the invitation for herself. Or she could have quietly increased her donation.

What she did instead was to make a show of denying the hosts their generosity and bullying others into doing the same. That is not what Miss Manners would consider a charitable attitude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a 58-year-old woman. How do I respond when I am addressed as "sweetie"? I'm sure the speaker is intending to be pleasant, but it sets my teeth on edge. Is there a proper response?

GENTLE READER: "Really? Were we sweethearts? Isn't it funny that I don't remember?"

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I think it is lovely that people can go on vacations to wonderful and exotic places, but is it appropriate for them to share photos on social media of their luxurious trips?

One or two is fine, but when I see photo after photo of a vacation, I start to get uncomfortable. I was taught that it is not polite to share vacation photos in this way, in the same way that it is improper to talk about an expensive gift.

While the photo-posters may have the best intentions, I cannot help but feel that they are bragging about their ability to take such trips and should consider the feelings of those less fortunate.

GENTLE READER: Well, of course they are bragging. What do you think is the purpose of social media?

However, that need not be the only motivation for posting vacation pictures. People have always thought that others would be as interested in their travels as they are. They are wrong, of course.

Miss Manners considers the new method to be vastly superior to the previous one, in which the travelers would issue an apparently innocent social invitation and then bring out their home movies. The saving grace of social media is that one is not trapped with the perpetrators of boredom, but may safely skip exposure.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A "friend" of 25 years informed me over lunch in a restaurant that my husband of 39 years has been having a long-term affair with his assistant. When I politely told her that this was laughable, she really persisted, smirked, shook her head and called me naive.

There is absolutely no truth to what she said.

Do friends say things like this to friends? She says she was only trying to protect me. Do you believe this, and should I believe it?

Her husband of 30 years asked for a divorce four years ago, and since then she has been very bitter. She's lucky to have some friends who took her under their wings and made excuses for her irrational behavior, but she doesn't seem to be moving on, and the friends are starting to worry about her.

GENTLE READER: If you are asking whether it is an act of friendship to attempt poisoning a friend's marriage, the answer is no. Not even if the would-be poisoner is miserable and wants company.

But Miss Manners gathers that you are not giving up on the friendship, tedious as it has apparently been for the last four years. You only want to squelch the accusation.

In that case, you should not be arguing. As you have already discovered, that sets you up for the trap of being "in denial." Either way, you lose.

It is therefore time to be high-handed instead. "I'm sorry," you must say coldly, "but I cannot allow you to insult my husband."

Repeat as often as necessary.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I were pregnant with our first children at the same time. We both had baby showers.

I was raised to believe you got only one baby shower, ever, to help set you up. When she was pregnant with her second child, she had another shower even though she was having another girl. The girls would only be two years apart, and my friend had everything she needed for the second one already.

Now she is pregnant a third time, with another girl, and she's having another shower! Her children are the only grandchildren on either side of her family, so she gets tons of stuff.

I understand celebrating every new life, but I feel she's taking advantage. She's getting rid of items to make room for new stuff.

Am I wrong to feel irked? If she were in need, I would understand, but the overall vibe I get is that she's being greedy and will return items to buy personal things.

When will it stop? At her fifth or 10th? What is my obligation? She is a good friend, but this is just one situation I feel very strongly about, and she doesn't see a problem. I love her kids, but I don't want to help furnish her wardrobe or home from my returned, unneeded baby gift.

GENTLE READER: You have no obligation, whatsoever. You do not need to attend any more showers. Simply tell your friend that you're unavailable ... to furnish her children's future (but we'll keep that part between ourselves).

You won't be able to convince her politely that these showers are excessive, especially if others are so willing to oblige. Rest assured, however, that Miss Manners will continue the battle on your behalf.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The morning after my husband's death, I awoke to discover that "friends" had posted on his Facebook wall a photo of my husband and an obituary they had written themselves.

This was done without my permission, and in fact, we had told these people not to post on Facebook a poem my husband wrote a few weeks before he died. During the seven years of his illness, we never posted about it on Facebook.

In the brief time the post was up, considerable damage was done: I was inundated with emails from people he barely knew, and longtime friends I had not yet contacted learned about his death from Facebook.

It caused me tremendous pain and embarrassment. This has also just happened to a friend of a friend whose husband died recently. I am hoping you will address this incredible invasion of privacy.

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, it has become an added task for the bereaved to take down the deceased's Facebook page quickly after the death. Its existence simply causes too much confusion and distress.

Miss Manners is not happy with memorial pages being erected in their stead, finding them equally impersonal and somewhat upsetting. However, she leaves this to the discretion of the immediate family -- but only the immediate family.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)