DEAR MISS MANNERS: My friend and I were pregnant with our first children at the same time. We both had baby showers.

I was raised to believe you got only one baby shower, ever, to help set you up. When she was pregnant with her second child, she had another shower even though she was having another girl. The girls would only be two years apart, and my friend had everything she needed for the second one already.

Now she is pregnant a third time, with another girl, and she's having another shower! Her children are the only grandchildren on either side of her family, so she gets tons of stuff.

I understand celebrating every new life, but I feel she's taking advantage. She's getting rid of items to make room for new stuff.

Am I wrong to feel irked? If she were in need, I would understand, but the overall vibe I get is that she's being greedy and will return items to buy personal things.

When will it stop? At her fifth or 10th? What is my obligation? She is a good friend, but this is just one situation I feel very strongly about, and she doesn't see a problem. I love her kids, but I don't want to help furnish her wardrobe or home from my returned, unneeded baby gift.

GENTLE READER: You have no obligation, whatsoever. You do not need to attend any more showers. Simply tell your friend that you're unavailable ... to furnish her children's future (but we'll keep that part between ourselves).

You won't be able to convince her politely that these showers are excessive, especially if others are so willing to oblige. Rest assured, however, that Miss Manners will continue the battle on your behalf.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The morning after my husband's death, I awoke to discover that "friends" had posted on his Facebook wall a photo of my husband and an obituary they had written themselves.

This was done without my permission, and in fact, we had told these people not to post on Facebook a poem my husband wrote a few weeks before he died. During the seven years of his illness, we never posted about it on Facebook.

In the brief time the post was up, considerable damage was done: I was inundated with emails from people he barely knew, and longtime friends I had not yet contacted learned about his death from Facebook.

It caused me tremendous pain and embarrassment. This has also just happened to a friend of a friend whose husband died recently. I am hoping you will address this incredible invasion of privacy.

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, it has become an added task for the bereaved to take down the deceased's Facebook page quickly after the death. Its existence simply causes too much confusion and distress.

Miss Manners is not happy with memorial pages being erected in their stead, finding them equally impersonal and somewhat upsetting. However, she leaves this to the discretion of the immediate family -- but only the immediate family.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my boss's brother died suddenly and tragically, I, along with other employees and co-workers, went to calling hours.

The next day, the brother's funeral was at my church, so I went to it. I was surprised that I was the only one from our workplace to do so. I thought I was showing concern and support for my boss.

But the funeral mass was a difficult one, with sad tales of struggle and pain, and many, many tears. I didn't know if I really belonged there, or if I was intruding on private family matters. I wondered the same thing about the calling hours, with such an intimate thing as my boss's dearly loved brother's body, and all the happy family photos all around.

I don't know if the following is relevant, but I'll explain a little. I've worked for him for two years. He is a great boss, very friendly, though truthful and lets us know when we mess up and guides us to improving our performance. He will stop and chat with us here and there, so we know a little about each other's families.

When my co-worker and I first arrived at the calling hours, there was our boss. We both stood there awkwardly for a moment, then gave him a hug. It was fine, but afterward I was thinking that wasn't really appropriate of us, was it? Please help, so I'll know what to do next time something like this comes up.

GENTLE READER: The variety of funeral rites does tend to sow etiquette confusion among mourners. And the situation is made worse, in your example, by the blurring between a person's personal and professional life.

The rules are different at state funerals than at family ones. Some religious institutions expect community participation. Some families prefer more private rites. For whatever reason, your co-workers believed that the calling hours were for professional colleagues to show their respect, while the funeral itself was reserved for friends and family. This understanding does not put you in the wrong for also attending the funeral: In that case, you attended as a member of the congregation, a social relationship distinct from the professional one.

While the hug would, Miss Manners assumes, have been inappropriate if no one had died, expressions of sympathy and support offered in moments of personal crisis need not shatter normally more circumspect professional relationships.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A good friend's father-in-law insists that I call him "John" when I prefer to call him "Mr. Baylor." His flirtatiousness makes me uncomfortable, and calling him "Mr. Baylor" asserts a distance that I wish to express to him.

Does etiquette allow me to refuse the request of someone to call him by his first name? Or must one always follow a request to "Please call me John"?

GENTLE READER: It is true that one should address people as they have requested to be addressed. (Within reason, of course. Miss Manners would draw the line at "Your Exalted Excellency.")

In this case, you also have a point to make: that you do not consider him a contemporary who might -- if also unattached and subtle -- be entitled to flirt with you. Therefore, she suggests that you reply to his request with, "Yes, sir, John," and insert the word "sir" thereafter.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were recently invited to a concert by a friend, who said that his daughter had bought the tickets but was unable to use them. We were delighted and went with him. We offered to pay for the tickets; he declined, but we bought his dinner.

Knowing his financial situation, we sent him a check for the amount, but wonder if that was insulting.

GENTLE READER: Your exchange with your friend was both explicit and implicit. Allow Miss Manners to tell you what you said:

By offering to pay for the tickets, you were saying that you were unclear about whether he was taking the opportunity to be your host or merely trying to unload the tickets. You got a definite answer when he refused your money.

By inviting him to dinner, you were reciprocating his hospitality. So far, so good.

Then, by sending him the money that he had refused, you said, in effect, "Come on, we know how badly off you are. You can't afford to be generous, but we can."

Miss Manners would call that insulting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As my partner of many years and I cannot legally get married in our home state, we plan to hold the nuptials in a place where it is, in fact, legal and hold an "open house" at our home sometime later.

The invitation would be made to a goodly number of people (around 100). We plan to provide refreshments and food, and will request that no gifts be given. We are either middle-aged or getting there, and don't wish to burden guests about what things we may need or want -- we already have a well-set-up household. Our idea is simply to acknowledge the support and good wishes we have gotten from the community of people we know.

Is it acceptable to send out an email invitation to the people we want to invite to attend this open house, or do we need to be more formal and have printed invitations? Is it OK for us to specify we would like no gifts, and that we would just like them to show up and accept whatever hospitality our finances allow? Is this tacky?

GENTLE READER: No. Tacky is what you are avoiding doing, even though it has become common practice: making a wedding into an autobiographical extravaganza and burdening guests by not only trolling for presents, but also assigning them host functions, such as bringing food or sponsoring the arrangements.

As you are planning an informal party, you may invite them informally. However, warning guests that they are not obligated to give you presents, while well-intentioned, merely alerts them that presents are on your mind. Also, Miss Manners is sorry to report, they rush to ask her whether they should bring presents anyway, or whether you mean that you expect to be given money instead.

It helps, in this respect, that the party is not being given in immediate connection with the wedding ceremony. Your guests are less likely to think of presents if you merely call it a party, and, during the event itself, make a short announcement about your marriage.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)