DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I were recently invited to a concert by a friend, who said that his daughter had bought the tickets but was unable to use them. We were delighted and went with him. We offered to pay for the tickets; he declined, but we bought his dinner.

Knowing his financial situation, we sent him a check for the amount, but wonder if that was insulting.

GENTLE READER: Your exchange with your friend was both explicit and implicit. Allow Miss Manners to tell you what you said:

By offering to pay for the tickets, you were saying that you were unclear about whether he was taking the opportunity to be your host or merely trying to unload the tickets. You got a definite answer when he refused your money.

By inviting him to dinner, you were reciprocating his hospitality. So far, so good.

Then, by sending him the money that he had refused, you said, in effect, "Come on, we know how badly off you are. You can't afford to be generous, but we can."

Miss Manners would call that insulting.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As my partner of many years and I cannot legally get married in our home state, we plan to hold the nuptials in a place where it is, in fact, legal and hold an "open house" at our home sometime later.

The invitation would be made to a goodly number of people (around 100). We plan to provide refreshments and food, and will request that no gifts be given. We are either middle-aged or getting there, and don't wish to burden guests about what things we may need or want -- we already have a well-set-up household. Our idea is simply to acknowledge the support and good wishes we have gotten from the community of people we know.

Is it acceptable to send out an email invitation to the people we want to invite to attend this open house, or do we need to be more formal and have printed invitations? Is it OK for us to specify we would like no gifts, and that we would just like them to show up and accept whatever hospitality our finances allow? Is this tacky?

GENTLE READER: No. Tacky is what you are avoiding doing, even though it has become common practice: making a wedding into an autobiographical extravaganza and burdening guests by not only trolling for presents, but also assigning them host functions, such as bringing food or sponsoring the arrangements.

As you are planning an informal party, you may invite them informally. However, warning guests that they are not obligated to give you presents, while well-intentioned, merely alerts them that presents are on your mind. Also, Miss Manners is sorry to report, they rush to ask her whether they should bring presents anyway, or whether you mean that you expect to be given money instead.

It helps, in this respect, that the party is not being given in immediate connection with the wedding ceremony. Your guests are less likely to think of presents if you merely call it a party, and, during the event itself, make a short announcement about your marriage.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I recently had my now ex-girlfriend, her husband and her sister for brunch during their visit to our city. At the end of the meal, each of them used the bathroom in the reverse order I just listed, and the latter took what seemed an inordinate amount of time in there.

Soon after their departure, I discovered that the bathroom not only smelled of vomit but retained residues on the toilet, the floor and the adjoining walls. Because no one mentioned that they had felt ill, I assumed the act was voluntary. I had noticed her looking thinner than ever, yet eating heartily throughout the meal.

My reaction fluctuates between disgust at having to clean up after the act, and compassion for what is clearly a manifestation of bulimia. At the moment I've resolved not to share a meal with her again, but how to address this in the meantime?

GENTLE READER: As a general rule, Miss Manners prohibits hosts from noticing, much less discussing, what goes on in the bathroom.

But as this seems to be an extreme case -- and a matter of health -- she will allow it. Up to a point.

You may discreetly ask your friend if everyone in her family is healthy by saying you noticed that someone took ill after the meal -- and that you hope the meal itself was not the culprit. If she takes this as an opportunity to talk to you about her illness, then you may offer sympathy or help.

But if she doesn't, then you must let it go. Although it is widely supposed to be compassionate to confront people about unhealthy behavior and to advise them to seek help, it is often counter-productive. In cases such as this, the lady knows all that, is continuing to do it anyway, and by embarrassing her you would be likely to stir up resentment and defiance.

But, as you said, you should resolve to meet in places where food is not involved.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a mother of 2-year-old twins. I am also a practicing attorney in a large law firm. Twice last week, relative strangers gave me unsolicited advice about parenting, specifically telling me I should be a stay-at-home mom instead of working.

First, a neighborhood acquaintance told me that the reason my children were having a hard time falling asleep (I had mentioned this in passing on a walk) was because I "never see them." She went on to say that she doesn't know what I am doing with my career, but that it "can't be more important" than raising my kids.

Then, a day later, a flight attendant told me that I should not work so that I could really "be a mom."

Both of these unpleasant conversations went on longer than I could bear, but I did not know how to end them tactfully. I found myself upset by the judgments and had a hard time thinking clearly about a polite but clear response. Any advice for next time?

GENTLE READER: Say, "Thank you for your concern" and change the subject.

There is no end to the advice being offered when it comes to rearing other people's children. Miss Manners need hardly tell you that don't have to heed it and should not take it to heart.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was 22, several dear friends were kind enough to send gifts when I participated in a debutante ball. I thanked them all in person.

However, I am now 30 and have failed to send written notes. I feel terrible about this and have for years, but I am uncertain if sending notes at this stage would simply remind them of the insult.

GENTLE READER: Penning a few notes at the time would have been far less work than fretting about it for eight years, a fact of which you must now be aware. Miss Manners mentions this for the benefit of those who complain that their lives are too busy for gratitude.

While etiquette does not have a statute of limitations, your friends are unlikely still to be thinking about your omission. Sending thank-you letters now is more likely to frighten than to atone: Your friends will either worry about either your mental equilibrium or their own postal service.

That you are still worrying over your slip suggests that it has not recurred. The next time you express gratitude to one of these friends for a new gift, include a light-hearted reference to the original gift and mention that you still remember it with affection.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a freshman at my dream university in another state, I want to notify close family members and friends of my change of address, but I'm unsure of how to do it.

I don't want to post the information freely on social media. My older relatives don't have Facebook anyway, I don't check my own account that often, and there is always a concern about privacy and safety.

I thought about sending short, personal notes including my new address and how excited I am about college, but a friend told me that the idea seemed "desperate" and like I was "begging for gifts and money."

I hadn't even thought of it that way, and I don't want to make anyone feel obligated to write to me or send me care packages. I just wanted to make sure they had the option if they wanted it. What is the best way to notify a change in address without seeming "grabby" for gifts?

GENTLE READER: Assure your friend that those in search of gifts are not so subtle as to disguise their request as a change of address notice. As Miss Manners is sadly aware, they specify the item -- or items -- they want, the store at which it is to be purchased, the amount the giver may expect to pay for it, the color and the delivery method.

And they rarely trouble to write personal notes to their targeted benefactors. That is what you could do, when you send your change of address.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have now reached the age when service people find it amusing to say, "Can I help you, young man?" -- the joke being that I am obviously not a young man.

Would it be rude to reply by saying, "Yes, thank you, handsome" (or "beautiful")?

GENTLE READER: It took Miss Manners a minute to get this, and your service people may take it at face value. But she congratulates you on a comeback that meets her requirements of making your point without being rude.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)