DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been friends with a couple for almost 20 years now, and I count them among my closest of peers. They have a 2-year-old child who is an absolute doll, hilarious and cute all the time.

Time has become somewhat of a rarity for us over the past years, and we attempt to have a semi-monthly get-together for a few hours, where we eat, chat and hang out. But now they have begun potty training their son, and while I am over, they will allow him to run around the house wearing only a shirt, and encourage him to bring his potty into the living room with us, and pee or poo when necessary.

I brought up my discomfort with this with them once, but I was firmly rebuked and told that was how it was going to be until his potty training concluded.

While I agree it is their house and their "rules," I confess I am not particularly interested in going over again next week, knowing the situation I will be in. How should I inform them that I won't be coming over, in a way that is both honest but the least offensive possible? Also, am I wrong for feeling uncomfortable in this situation?

GENTLE READER: No, but it is not for you to express this discomfort. Miss Manners need hardly point out that when you shared it the first time, it was not received well and didn't solve the problem.

There are disadvantages to being treated as an intimate member of the family. But the good news is that surely this is a temporary situation. If you feel that you simply can't stand it, wait for a few weeks to see these friends again. And hope that they -- or you -- don't have a child again soon.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper number of times to wipe your mouth while eating a sandwich?

GENTLE READER? As many times as it takes to get the mayonnaise off your nose.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner of 20 years and I have been together so long that getting married, now that it is legal in our state, almost feels like a renewal of vows. As such, we have opted for a small celebration and are avoiding many of the traditional elements that feel either age-inappropriate or wrong at this stage of our life: There will be no church ceremony and elaborate reception with multiple wedding attendants in formal attire.

Because when we met, being gay and getting married was inconceivable, we find ourselves unsure about etiquette. Some of our issues are probably similar to any more established (older) couple being married.

One thing I am unsure about is, must we have a wedding registry? We need nothing, and our wants are specific and expensive. For us, the privilege of being legally married in front of friends and family is truly enough.

GENTLE READER: Congratulations -- not only on your coming marriage, but on your wish to apply taste and sense to that spectacle of self-aggrandizement and extortion that has become the typical American wedding. Miss Manners finds it sad that wedding greed has become so institutionalized that you question whether it is proper not to tell people to buy you things. Be assured that you have no responsibility for ordering presents from your guests.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been an active practicing RN for 37 years, from hospitals to home health. It never fails that at some point, my employer wants me to act like someone I am not.

Granted that I have toned it down substantially over the years, but I have never been a sweet, demure, public relations-type person. I am more of a down-to-earth, tell-it-like-it-is, realistic, logical-type person. I am not going to promise something that I personally cannot deliver, and I am not going to lie to a person just to appease them.

I am not brutal, but I do tend to be blunt if that is the only way to get the message across after softer attempts do not seem to be getting through. I say that people cannot claim they did not understand what I was trying to tell or teach them (whether they accept it or not is not the issue).

How do I get my employer to understand that I think it is unrealistic to expect me to appeal to all the people, all the time?

GENTLE READER: It does not appear to Miss Manners that your problem is making your employer understand your position, but rather convincing him that it is acceptable. This will be easier to do if you are being blunt about insisting that patients take their medication rather than about telling them that you are too busy to bring it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: While helping a friend move from one apartment to another, I accidentally dropped a box marked "fragile." It turns out that I broke a decanter that cost more than $500 (most of her belongings are not nearly this expensive).

My friend has asked me to reimburse her for half the price. I appreciate that she's trying to "meet me halfway" by covering half the cost herself, and I feel terrible, but I can't afford to spend $250 right now. I also think that she should have had such an expensive item insured.

I was just trying to help her (at her own request), and now I'm afraid that I'm going to ruin the friendship. Does etiquette dictate that I must pay for all or part of such an expensive item?

GENTLE READER: It is always gracious for guests to offer to replace any property that they damaged -- and for hosts to demur, knowing that a reasonable amount of damage is part of the cost of entertaining.

In this case, you were acting, in effect, as an employee, rather than a guest, even though your reason for doing so was for the sake of friendship, not pay. And breakage is also part of the cost of doing business. That is why employers carry insurance. Had you injured yourself as a result of the work you were asked to do, Miss Manners hopes that your friend would have stepped in to defray any reasonable associated medical costs.

How this will affect your friendship, Miss Manners cannot say. That your friend calculated the cost of her property without allowing for the donation of your labor is not a good sign.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was addressing an informal talk to a mixed-gender group of seniors. Later, one of the ladies pulled me aside and gently explained that women of her generation did not care to be addressed as "guys," even in a group (as in, "You guys may be familiar with ...").

That is the only time I have heard any hint that this was a widely held preference. Was this lady overly sensitive, or should I be mindful to avoid the term when referring to a mixed-gender group?

GENTLE READER: Did you miss the entire era when names of occupations were changed ("firemen" to "firefighters," "stewardess" to "flight attendant") to reflect the reality of including both genders?

Apparently a great many people did, because it was later that the slangy term "you guys" began to be used, not only for mixed groups, but for groups that were entirely female.

Members of your audience did not. They may have been personally involved in the struggle to convince people of what nonsense it was to believe that ladies should assume they are automatically included in a strictly masculine term. Presumably ladies never considered the word "Gentlemen" on a door to be an invitation to enter.

Miss Manners thoroughly agrees with your audience that "you guys" is offensive. "Ladies and gentlemen" is the proper way to address any mixed audience.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I had some deaths in the family, and it occurred to me that while I know something about how to dress when in mourning, I don't know what jewelry is appropriate.

I've read about onyx or jet jewelry, and I'm guessing that the rule about pearls being generally acceptable is still followed. I wore pearls (necklace, earrings and bracelet) to my grandmother's funeral, and a pair of simple pearl stud earrings to the (much sadder) funeral of my infant nephew.

In some cases it hardly seems appropriate to wear any jewelry, but since I don't wear makeup, putting in a pair of earrings is sort of my "dressed to leave the house" thing, and I would feel a bit odd without them. However, if I am informed that no jewelry is appropriate, I will abide by Miss Manners' dictates.

GENTLE READER: Showing respect symbolically by dressing somberly for a funeral is so rare these days that the general rule about not appearing flashy is barely remembered. And the specifics of mourning jewelry are known chiefly to collectors of Victoriana.

In periods that prescribed elaborate mourning, some jewelry was permitted, but there were complicated formulas that depended on the relationship to the deceased and the amount of time that had passed since the death. Nowadays, pearls, jet or onyx would be the correct jewelry to wear at a funeral.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister always brings her own containers to functions where food is served so she can take home leftovers, and not have to worry about being responsible for borrowed ones from the host.

I find this tacky, almost like she expects people to always give her a "doggy bag." What are your thoughts on people bringing their own containers for leftovers to gatherings?

GENTLE READER: About the same as if they brought begging bowls.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)