DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am out of the loop. I am not on Facebook and have no desire to be.

However, I have found I am missing out on a few things -- in particular, invitations to parties and thank-you notes from parties I have attended.

On too many occasions, I have been questioned by friends why I missed get-togethers or parties. "I posted it on Facebook! Didn't you see it?"

"No," I answer and remind them that I not on Facebook.

The people are horrified. How can you miss out on so much??

The one that really bothers me is the blanket thank-you on Facebook. My daughter is 12 and attends a number of birthday parties. The moms feel it is perfectly acceptable to say thank you for the gifts on Facebook and be done with it. (I insist my children write their own thank-you notes to the friends, but obviously that is very outdated!)

Am I being unreasonable and overly sensitive? I guess I want to know a nice way to ask friends to include me but NOT through Facebook, and maybe send out a gentle reminder that not everyone sits in front of their computer and documents their life! (Oh, that was fresh! Sorry!)

GENTLE READER: No apology is necessary. Miss Manners is sympathetic and even in agreement with you, but let's keep that between ourselves.

Facebook enthusiasts are not going to be convinced that there are other means of communication -- or understand why you wouldn't want to be a part of this oh-so-convenient one. Especially since it has the added benefit of enabling one to document and broadcast one's every sneeze.

Although the phenomenon is not likely to end soon, perhaps a new and revolutionary trend will be ignited by polite people like us who still insist upon written invitations and thank-you letters. Unfortunately, no matter by what means and however justified, you still cannot invite yourself to parties. Continue to remind a few good friends that you are not on Facebook and gently suggest that they could let you know by more personal means when they would like you to be their guest.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: For many years, I have been receiving personal correspondence without the Mr. or Mrs. in front of our names on the envelope with the address.

At first, I attributed it to young writers who simply did not know better. Now, friends in my over-60 age group are also doing this.

Is a title before a name in correspondence not considered important anymore? I see it as a sign of proper respect. Or am I outdated?

GENTLE READER: This is an example -- and there are many -- of forms of respect having been sabotaged by the very people who were being treated with respect.

When etiquette generously offered a choice of female titles -- Miss, Mrs. or Ms., all abbreviations for the same once-respectable honorific Mistress -- the intent was to make everyone happy. Instead, it seemed that everyone begrudged everyone else having a choice.

Both traditionalists and modernists began using the forms they deemed right, ignoring the preferences of others. And both took insult when people who did not mean to push an agenda but were unaware of others' preferences chose the wrong title. Therefore, many people have given up on showing respect to the unappreciative, and just use the bluntly unadorned names. When courtesy is vilified, everyone loses.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received an email from one of our board chairs sent to "Peeps." My boss, who thinks he is "in the know," thought that was an OK salutation. I said I would never answer one that started off like a 12-year-old trying to be cool. What do you think?

GENTLE READER: That when adults use children's slang to "relate," they are themselves the only ones being fooled.

Using it in a professional setting is even less likely to be successful. Miss Manners proposes that you suggest to your board chair that he should tread carefully, as those with differences in age, race, education, income and cultural background may find such familiarity offensive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it polite to eat a baked potato with your hands?

GENTLE READER: Yeow!

Not only is it impolite, but Miss Manners considers it unwise. The screams when you burn your hands are bound to annoy others.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I retired after 37 years in the same job. It is customary where I worked to have a catered party for the retiree, which means speeches, cards and a gift.

I am uncomfortable with being the center of attention, so I told my boss that I would be happy with the five folks in my office going out for drinks and a light dinner after work one day. I suggested a restaurant.

As it turned out, my boss came to my desk and said they were taking me to lunch. We walked to a different restaurant, and he bought lunch for the five of us. Lunch consisted of my boss talking about himself.

My feelings were a bit hurt when I received neither a card from my boss/co-workers, nor a small gift.

My co-worker of 15 years is retiring, and they are giving her a party. I like her and have enjoyed working with her, but it will be difficult for me to attend. I will feel awkward. I don't know what the other folks in my organization were told about the lack of a party at my retirement, and it has felt uncomfortable to me.

How do I gracefully handle this upcoming retirement of my co-worker? Can I not attend? Can I wish her well with a card and a gift and be absent at her party?

GENTLE READER: Well, you got your wish about not being the center of attention. But after 37 years, it would have been right for you to be at least the topic of conversation at the ceremonial acknowledgment of your retirement, whatever form it took. It is unfortunate that when you asked for something different, your boss interpreted your request to suit himself.

That said, Miss Manners does not approve either the manners or the sentiment of expressing your dissatisfaction at the expense of a co-worker. It would be gracious of you to attend and tell everyone how lovely the party was.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have been going through a rough divorce for over a year now and have met a wonderful man who wants to get engaged. My husband is trying to hold out in settling the divorce as long as he can for his own financial reasons.

Is it unethical for me to get engaged while still going through this divorce, when he has moved on with another woman, and I am not dating someone?

GENTLE READER: You're not? And here Miss Manners would have thought that was a necessary prelude to becoming engaged.

Perhaps you anticipate being in marital limbo for some time, during which you hope to resettle yourself. Or perhaps you are dating, but are being discreet about it. Then again, maybe you just meant "now" when you typed "not."

The likelihood is that you have agreed to marry the wonderful gentleman, so what is in question is whether you can go public with the engagement.

Discretion is not a favorite virtue of the selfie generation, even among those who have heard of the concept. But, then, indiscretion is hardly new. In a 1911 short story, "Autres Temps," dear Edith Wharton refers to a character whose husband found out that she meant to divorce him when he saw her wearing a new engagement ring.

For a married lady to declare herself engaged was in bad taste then, and it is in bad taste now.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When our club hosted an equestrian event, we didn't have enough club members to help out, so I asked two non-member friends to give us a hand with the event. They did. Hard work, hot day.

I wanted to get a gift card for those "volunteers," but the club thinks this is stupid. What is the etiquette to give a $10 gift card to those non-members who spent two to eight hours of their Sunday to help our club with an event they didn't even get to participate in?

GENTLE READER: Not paying them between $5 and $1.25 an hour.

People work for either love or money, and if it is money, the law requires more than the laundered payment you propose.

But volunteers are in the love -- or at least friendship -- category of worker. You repay them by thanking them profusely and reciprocating when they need help.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When well-meaning people refer to persons of a certain age as "young lady" or "young man" when they clearly are seniors, it is condescending and really rather insulting. It indicates that the speaker has taken notice of how old the "young" lady or man really is.

Similarly, to be called "xx years young" rather than "old" is just unbearably cutesy and cringe-worthy.

Do these folks, who apparently think they are being sweet, believe that we are so simple-minded with age that we will not catch the implicit insult?

GENTLE READER: They at least assume that old people share their feeling that old age is embarrassing, if not shameful.

Unfortunately, many do. But while such people may cherish the idea that they pass for younger than they actually are, Miss Manners agrees with you that they cannot be so naive as to believe that these half-jocular comments are proof of having done so. Rather, as you say, this is patronizing evidence of focusing on the actual age of people while pretending to mistake them for youths.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)