DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the past few years, I have been invited to baby showers that ask people to participate in a diaper raffle in addition to bringing a gift. Anyone who would like to brings a pack of diapers and then is entered into a raffle for a prize.

I silently decline to participate, on the grounds that this comes across as grabby. When I offered my opinion as graciously as possible on a social media site, I immediately received numerous comments from people who thought I was the greedy one -- among other unpleasant comments.

So now I'm wondering if I'm off base. What's your take on diaper raffles, Miss Manners?

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners is happy to say that she doesn't have one. But she feels that she need hardly tell you that if you express an opinion on social media, it will certainly be challenged. Your first instinct -- to stay silent about a made-up ritual that you find distasteful -- was the correct one.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I encounter a celebrity whose stage name is different from his/her birth name, how should I address him/her? What about celebrities who go by only one name?

GENTLE READER: If you are being introduced to that person in a business situation, you use the stage name or names. If you have met socially, and the celebrity uses the birth name in private life, you may use that.

But Miss Manners suspects that you are speaking of encountering that person in public, without an introduction. In that case, it would be more useful to know if that particular celebrity generally reacts to being addressed with a smile or a fist.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a petite 77-year-old woman in good health. I was in a theater lobby carrying two cups of coffee to a nearby table when a woman startled me by coming up right next to me and saying, "I'll carry those wherever you're going."

I said I appreciated the offer, but was fine. I set the cups down and said, "I don't know why people think I need help," and she said, "I thought you were going to spill them."

A few days later, I was in line at the supermarket. There was a large plant in my basket and the cashier was coming around the counter to scan it when the woman behind me came up and lifted it to the counter.

I understand people want to be helpful, and these women must feel the world needs mothering, but wouldn't it have been polite to say, "Excuse me, could you use some help with that?" before intruding into a stranger's space?

GENTLE READER: Indeed, it would be an excellent habit, before these well-meaning folks start helping people across streets their targets don't want to cross. Furthermore, unannounced physical interference is dangerous. Ask anyone who has had control of his or her wheelchair hijacked.

However, Miss Manners wishes you had made that point to the would-be coffee carrier, rather than suggesting that she had simply picked the wrong beneficiary. Surely we do not want to discourage people from being helpful if they inquire respectfully whether help is needed. The polite way to decline is to say simply, "Thank you, but I can manage."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm not sure whether to reply to comments on my blog.

On the one hand, ignoring reader comments entirely makes the blog look one-sided and discourages people from expressing their opinions.

But on the other, for me to post a subsequent comment to those who agree with me -- like "Thanks, you're swell, too" -- seems self-serving; for me to post a subsequent comment to those who disagree -- like "I disagree; let me have the last word why" -- is still more self-serving.

I reply to those I know via private email, but many people don't give contact info, since an email address on a website is an invitation for spam. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: Too often the purpose of maintaining a blog appears to be to have the last word, so Miss Manners appreciates your modesty. But if your purpose is to foster dialogue, it seems only logical to allow dialogue. Replying politely to those who disagree with you will further your purpose more than thanking everyone who agrees with you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our nanny has been with us for some time now, and we just adore her. She is everything you could want in someone who cares for your children -- kind, attentive, patient ... I could go on.

She is from another country and will be traveling in the next few months back to see her family for the first time in almost a decade. I am so excited for her to get to see her own babies and grandbabies, and I want to do something extra-special for her by way of taking her to get her hair and nails done, and maybe buy a new outfit.

I know that the amount of money I spend on her can go far in her home country. If I offered her the equivalent sum, I know she would spend it on her family. She does so much for others and lives a very modest life in order to send more money back home.

Is it OK for me to insist that she spend some time and money on herself, just this once, or should I offer her some cash and express my hope that she'll do so?

GENTLE READER: That her job includes telling the children how to behave does not make it yours to do the same for her. Miss Manners believes that a kind, attentive employer restrains her impulse to make personal choices for her employees. You should offer her a bonus and say how much you hope she enjoys her trip. If you want to present her with a new outfit in addition, all the better.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Must every conversation become a job interview? People always seem to ask what I am doing, and I do not see a reason to tell them. Is there a polite response for people who see others as only their careers?

GENTLE READER: Not if you mean a polite response that tells them to reorder their priorities.

But a polite response need not actually answer the question. If you do not want to tell people what you do for a living, Miss Manners suggests that you tell them what you do for fun.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do ladies remove gloves before shaking hands? What about gentlemen?

GENTLE READER: Why does this question strike fear in Miss Manners' brave heart?

She knows the answer to your question, of course, and if you will be patient for a moment, she will give it to you. But then she will have to brace herself for the onslaught of indignant reactions from those who believe that any variation in expectations of ladies and gentlemen, no matter how trivial, constitutes oppression.

You may notice that Miss Manners uses the term "ladies" here. She fails to see any conflict between being a fervent feminist and being a lady -- or a gentleman, for that matter.

She also admits to a bit of fondness for some of the social gestures that traditionally characterized ladylike behavior. For example, she is probably the last person on Earth to know that ladylike applause does not consist of smacking the hands together vertically, the way gentlemen clap. Rather, ladies should hold the left hand palm up in a horizontal position and hit the right hand against it. If the hands are slightly cupped, this can make a remarkable amount of noise.

Oh, and gentlemen must remove gloves before shaking hands, but ladies need not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother announced a few months ago that he was engaged. We were delighted for his happiness and thrilled to meet his fiancee, who is a wonderful woman.

We soon heard from family what the wedding date would be, but have not yet received an invitation. I assumed one would come eventually, but I was told by another family member that I was mistaken. Evidently what my brother and his fiancee have done is to post on their Facebook accounts the URL for a website where interested parties can submit a request for an invitation. If you do not submit such a request, then they will assume you do not wish an invitation and will not waste money and paper by sending you one.

Since I get on Facebook maybe once every six months, I hadn't seen this announcement, hence my ignorance.

I guess I know what to do: If I want an invitation -- and I do -- then I'll have to submit my name. It makes me feel weird, though. This is my brother! We have a loving relationship. Surely he must assume I would want to celebrate this day with him?

Do you think I would be out of line to just skip the online form and call my brother directly to let him know that I would very much like to attend his wedding? Or should I just suck it up and go to the sign-up website?

GENTLE READER: Admittedly, it is crude of your brother to require people to request invitations to his wedding. He also commits the common error of assuming that the entire world is on Facebook. Close, maybe, but he runs the risk of omitting any relatives or friends who are not.

But Miss Manners finds it astounding that you hesitate to let your brother know that you want an invitation. How difficult would it be simply to say to him directly, "Look, silly, of course I want to be invited to your wedding"?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)