DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm not sure whether to reply to comments on my blog.

On the one hand, ignoring reader comments entirely makes the blog look one-sided and discourages people from expressing their opinions.

But on the other, for me to post a subsequent comment to those who agree with me -- like "Thanks, you're swell, too" -- seems self-serving; for me to post a subsequent comment to those who disagree -- like "I disagree; let me have the last word why" -- is still more self-serving.

I reply to those I know via private email, but many people don't give contact info, since an email address on a website is an invitation for spam. What do you suggest?

GENTLE READER: Too often the purpose of maintaining a blog appears to be to have the last word, so Miss Manners appreciates your modesty. But if your purpose is to foster dialogue, it seems only logical to allow dialogue. Replying politely to those who disagree with you will further your purpose more than thanking everyone who agrees with you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our nanny has been with us for some time now, and we just adore her. She is everything you could want in someone who cares for your children -- kind, attentive, patient ... I could go on.

She is from another country and will be traveling in the next few months back to see her family for the first time in almost a decade. I am so excited for her to get to see her own babies and grandbabies, and I want to do something extra-special for her by way of taking her to get her hair and nails done, and maybe buy a new outfit.

I know that the amount of money I spend on her can go far in her home country. If I offered her the equivalent sum, I know she would spend it on her family. She does so much for others and lives a very modest life in order to send more money back home.

Is it OK for me to insist that she spend some time and money on herself, just this once, or should I offer her some cash and express my hope that she'll do so?

GENTLE READER: That her job includes telling the children how to behave does not make it yours to do the same for her. Miss Manners believes that a kind, attentive employer restrains her impulse to make personal choices for her employees. You should offer her a bonus and say how much you hope she enjoys her trip. If you want to present her with a new outfit in addition, all the better.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Must every conversation become a job interview? People always seem to ask what I am doing, and I do not see a reason to tell them. Is there a polite response for people who see others as only their careers?

GENTLE READER: Not if you mean a polite response that tells them to reorder their priorities.

But a polite response need not actually answer the question. If you do not want to tell people what you do for a living, Miss Manners suggests that you tell them what you do for fun.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Do ladies remove gloves before shaking hands? What about gentlemen?

GENTLE READER: Why does this question strike fear in Miss Manners' brave heart?

She knows the answer to your question, of course, and if you will be patient for a moment, she will give it to you. But then she will have to brace herself for the onslaught of indignant reactions from those who believe that any variation in expectations of ladies and gentlemen, no matter how trivial, constitutes oppression.

You may notice that Miss Manners uses the term "ladies" here. She fails to see any conflict between being a fervent feminist and being a lady -- or a gentleman, for that matter.

She also admits to a bit of fondness for some of the social gestures that traditionally characterized ladylike behavior. For example, she is probably the last person on Earth to know that ladylike applause does not consist of smacking the hands together vertically, the way gentlemen clap. Rather, ladies should hold the left hand palm up in a horizontal position and hit the right hand against it. If the hands are slightly cupped, this can make a remarkable amount of noise.

Oh, and gentlemen must remove gloves before shaking hands, but ladies need not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My brother announced a few months ago that he was engaged. We were delighted for his happiness and thrilled to meet his fiancee, who is a wonderful woman.

We soon heard from family what the wedding date would be, but have not yet received an invitation. I assumed one would come eventually, but I was told by another family member that I was mistaken. Evidently what my brother and his fiancee have done is to post on their Facebook accounts the URL for a website where interested parties can submit a request for an invitation. If you do not submit such a request, then they will assume you do not wish an invitation and will not waste money and paper by sending you one.

Since I get on Facebook maybe once every six months, I hadn't seen this announcement, hence my ignorance.

I guess I know what to do: If I want an invitation -- and I do -- then I'll have to submit my name. It makes me feel weird, though. This is my brother! We have a loving relationship. Surely he must assume I would want to celebrate this day with him?

Do you think I would be out of line to just skip the online form and call my brother directly to let him know that I would very much like to attend his wedding? Or should I just suck it up and go to the sign-up website?

GENTLE READER: Admittedly, it is crude of your brother to require people to request invitations to his wedding. He also commits the common error of assuming that the entire world is on Facebook. Close, maybe, but he runs the risk of omitting any relatives or friends who are not.

But Miss Manners finds it astounding that you hesitate to let your brother know that you want an invitation. How difficult would it be simply to say to him directly, "Look, silly, of course I want to be invited to your wedding"?

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My ex is getting remarried to a woman he had an affair with, our next-door neighbor. He has pressured all three of our children to be in his wedding. (One daughter and a son live with me.)

I understand asking his son, who refused three times, then finally gave in, but to ask our daughters to stand with her as bridesmaids seems not only hurtful, but in very poor taste. I feel the pain as if I'm being replaced.

GENTLE READER: Unfortunately, despite the unsavory circumstances that led to it, this woman is now going to be a part of your children's lives -- and, by association, yours.

You are not being replaced as their mother -- and Miss Manners assures you that spreading this accusation is only going to make it more unpleasant for everyone.

Do your best to say nothing and stay impartial. It will be more effective to let your children show resentment on your behalf. It seems that they have already begun doing so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At our gym we have a women's locker room, a men's locker room, and a "family" locker room for adults with children of either gender under the age of 13.

Yet women insist on bringing their children into the women's locker room in violation of the rules. We try to be polite ("Did you know that we have a family locker room for children 12 and under?") but the response is often impolite ("So what? I don't need to follow the rules").

I think I have the right to undress, shower or change clothes without a 4-year-old boy who's half my height staring at me with interest.

The staff members, when we manage to track one down, often refuse to enforce their own rules. Short of changing gym memberships, do you have any suggestions on how to deal with this situation?

GENTLE READER: Concern for the children and their potential psychological damage can go a long way toward convincing (or shaming) a parent who doesn't want to be inconvenienced. You might say, "I am about to undress, and I don't want to scar your child. I think he would be better off if you used the facilities designated for families."

Miss Manners hopes that if you hit the right note of concern, laced with just a hint of creepiness, the parents will be the ones running to the managers to enforce the rules.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have always felt faintly ridiculous whenever someone proposes a toast, whereupon glasses are raised and pressure is applied to clink on each and every glass remotely waved in my direction.

Are toasts still considered good form? Are they not a little trite? And what does one do when at a long table where persons at opposite ends of the table can't possibly clink on each other's glass?

GENTLE READER: The bad form here is not toasting, presuming that it is kept short and flattering, but insisting upon clinking. Especially when you would have to lie down on the table to reach the glass at the other end. Miss Manners considers it better form merely to raise the glass and meet the eyes of the person being toasted (who must remain modestly immobile).

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)