DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother was from the South, and accordingly she impressed upon me the fine art of entertaining guests in one's home. I love to cook, and I truly prefer to cook dinner for friends over meeting at a restaurant.

My problem is that, invariably, every guest feels that an invitation for 6:30 can mean 6:45 or 7 p.m. This literally happens over and over again. What I don't understand is that people never do this to a restaurant.

Right now I am sitting at my computer at 6:47 waiting for a guest who was supposed to be here at 6:30; she texted me at 6:25 saying she was just leaving her home, and from her latest message, she is still another 12 to 15 minutes away. Needless to say, the dinner is completely overcooked.

What should I say when inviting guests to dinner? Should I ask people to call an hour in advance if they know they will be late? Should I only cook food that can sit in the oven for an additional hour without being ruined? Give up inviting people to our home?

I would think it was a not-so-subtle commentary on the quality of my cooking if I didn't get besieged with requests for my recipes.

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners is loath to question the hopes of Southern mothers, good cooks and hospitable hosts, and she lacks sympathy with tardy guests.

But you sound in need of a drink.

It doesn't have to be alcohol, and you don't even have to drink it yourself. But you could save yourself angst by providing the usual half-hour in which those who arrive on time are served drinks and small nibbles.

Now please stop tearing your hair out; it might get into your beautifully cooked food. Miss Manners is not absolving the latecomers; she is going to teach you to retrain them.

When you issue invitations for 6:30, you should add, "We will be sitting down to dinner promptly at 7." Not only will this warn the stragglers, but it will relieve those who time their arrivals to avoid the endless cocktail hours to which other hosts have subjected them.

You will have timed your food accordingly and should serve it at the announced time. Guests who arrive later should be seated then, and told graciously, "I knew you would want us to go ahead."

Lest you feel rude about doing this, Miss Manners assures you that there is distinguished precedent for this. That Southern gentleman George Washington insisted that official dinners over which he presided would be served at the announced time, explaining that delay would upset the cook. In your case, you know that to be true.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mother passed away recently, and my brother, my sister and I miss her terribly. It is amazing to me the number of people who ask me if she "left us anything" -- referring to any inheritance. What's a polite response that will let people know they are out of line?

GENTLE READER: "She left us orphaned."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I respond to a person who comments I have a good-looking grandson when he is my son?

GENTLE READER: Your son is complimenting your grandson? Or another person is mistaking your son for your grandson and complimenting him?

If the former, you may enthusiastically agree.

However, Miss Manners suspects that it is the latter, and that you are so offended by the notion that you might be a grandmother that your nouns and pronouns are having trouble agreeing.

Saying, "Oh, thank you. I hope that my future grandson will be as good-looking as my son is now" should clear up the social problem.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have two friends, a couple, and the parents of one of them always take me out for dinner with the family when they are in town. We dine at a very nice restaurant that I would normally not go to, due to cost.

At the end of the meal I always ask, in sincere honesty, what I can contribute to the bill and am always told my money is not needed. They also refuse to let me take care of the tip.

I have sent thank-you cards and have made food and desserts for my friends when the family is in town, but I would like to be able to contribute once in a while to the bill for an amazing dinner and great company.

Am I being too pushy in insisting to help with the tab? What is the best way to thank someone for being kind and generous by including me in their family dinner?

GENTLE READER: Please excuse Miss Manners while she takes a moment to collect herself. It is not often that a Gentle Reader presents a situation in which everyone in it is behaving perfectly.

Allow the parents of your friends to keep inviting you to dinner. Continue gently offering to pay and graciously accepting it when they refuse. Carry on writing thank-you notes and making meals and treats for the family when they are in town.

Clearly, you are all enjoying one another's company; generosity is being met with gratitude, and there is nothing whatsoever that Miss Manners can do to improve the situation. Give her another moment.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My sister-in-law left her kids with my mother-in-law and me without even asking us. She mentioned that she was going somewhere, and then left the house abruptly!

She returned after a good three hours, in which time we fed, changed and played with them. What should we have done?

GENTLE READER: Exactly what you did. Were you expecting Miss Manners to tell you to call Child Services?

Whether or not you care for your sister-in-law's behavior, she is family. And surely you wouldn't take out your feelings about a mother -- however justified -- on the children.

In order to prevent a repeat performance, Miss Manners suggests that you and your mother-in-law explain to her that you are happy to see the children for pre-arranged visits, but that unless it's an emergency, unannounced ones cannot be accommodated. You will have to define emergency for her if that is how she describes shopping or tennis.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When my husband and I dine at a restaurant, if the waiter does not give us his name upon greeting us, my husband will ask for it. My husband then proceeds to introduce us to the waiter, saying, "I'm Joe, and this is Jane."

I find this to be incredibly awkward and even patronizing. It seems unnecessary for the waiter to know our names, as we are not trying to make friends. We're always friendly to wait staff and we tip well, but we're ultimately just at the restaurant to enjoy a meal.

Am I wrong -- is this introduction proper or appropriate?

GENTLE READER: Not unless your husband intends to invite the waiter to share your meal, in which case Miss Manners wonders who will bring the food.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I (female, professional) volunteered as a coat-check person for an auction fundraiser for a not-for-profit group. Was it appropriate for me to offer to help people put their coats on after I retrieved them?

When my "customers" were a couple (man and woman), I'd offer the obviously feminine coat to the man to allow him to help the lady with her coat.

Rarely did he seem happy to take it. One man said, "Nope! That's HER coat."

Was I wrong to give the women's coats to the men? The event was formal, "black tie."

GENTLE READER: Miss Manners understands the confusion of the gentleman who is handed a stole while you retain his wool overcoat. Surrender both coats to the person who asked for them. A gentleman who has the courtesy to help a lady on with her coat no doubt has the dexterity to juggle his own coat while doing so.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Nineteen years ago, I moved out of my shared apartment into a studio. At the time I had a buffet/sideboard that did not fit in my new apartment. Some newly married friends offered to take it.

I don't see these friends but once a year, as we now live around 50 miles apart, but we remain on friendly terms. A number of years ago I did see the sideboard in their dining room and noticed that they had refinished it. Though I have no immediate need for it now, it does match my dining room table and it belonged to my great-aunt Mary. How do I bring up the topic of my sideboard and that I want it back, if not now, eventually?

GENTLE READER: Your description of what happened 19 years ago is hazy on who said what -- as, no doubt, is your friends' memory. Unfortunately, it matters who said what at the time.

You can call in a loan, but you cannot politely request the return of a present. Assuming, however, that it was clearly understood by both parties as a temporary loan, you may remind them of the original agreement. Miss Manners suggests you also express your gratitude for their extended generosity and offer to pay for the refinishing.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)