DEAR MISS MANNERS: The parents of a recent college grad mentioned that she needed a car (to drive to a new job, hopefully) and maybe related family members could pull together and find her suitable transportation.

One thing grew into another -- aunts and uncles dropped out of the effort -- and I wound up purchasing her a brand-new car off the dealer lot. I even let her pick the color. Red, of course.

Did I ever get a phone call after she picked up the car? No. Did we create a spoiled brat?

GENTLE READER: Apparently that was already accomplished by parents who taught her that if she wanted something they cannot afford, it would be all right to pressure other people to give it to her.

And amazingly enough, you complied.

But the ingratitude is amazing only because of its dimensions. All presents, big or small, require acknowledgment, despite the claim of the beneficiaries that it is selfish of the giver to expect any such return. And those people must be experts on selfishness.

But Miss Manners notes that your relative, who is old enough to be responsible for her own behavior, is acting not only callously, but also against her own future interests. Whom will she turn to when she wants a yacht?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a phone call from a friend who complimented me on my daughter's wedding invitation. We spoke briefly; then she shared with me that her husband had just lost his job. She then asked me if it would be all right if they postponed their gift until a later date, when they would be in a better position financially.

How or what was the best way to handle this? I was totally thrown off guard and had never heard of anyone doing something like this.

My attitude has always been, "If you can't afford to tip, you shouldn't be going to a restaurant." I would have said we are unable to attend the reception due to finances; however, we will be there to see her get married. Am I wrong or being too sensitive?

GENTLE READER: Wrong and insensitive is more like it.

Miss Manners will begin with your etiquette misdemeanors and build up to your crime against the very foundation of manners:

(1) You are wrong that wedding presents must be given at the time of the wedding. Anything up to a year afterward is acceptable.

(2) You are even more wrong to believe that presents are a condition of admission to a wedding celebration.

(3) Your reaction to the misfortune of someone you call a friend is so wrong it is frightening. The correct response would have been, "Don't even think about that. The important thing is that we want you there."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What should a woman do after she has been kissed on the hand? I am not sure if there is some gesture or response the woman should offer to "complete" the sense of a greeting/acknowledgment.

GENTLE READER: To respond to this gesture is to allow one's hand to be approached.

(Not actually kissed, because a proper gentleman kisses an inch or two above the hand, and would never attempt to do even that to an unmarried lady.)

Miss Manners warns you that this is not as passive or as easy as it sounds. Probably expecting a handshake, the lady will hold her hand stiffly vertical and so must gently rotate it to a horizontal position, allowing him to hold it from underneath while he kisses the air above the back of her hand.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a hostess in a family restaurant, and today I had a couple of young parents come in with an infant about 7 months old. I seated them in a lovely booth near the entrance of the restaurant.

To my dismay, they changed their baby's diaper right on their table. Then, they signaled me to come over, and when I arrived at their table, the woman held out the soiled diaper and asked me to dispose of it!

I said simply, "I don't have any place to dispose of your baby's diaper, but there is a ladies' room down the hall." She was obviously annoyed and said, "Oh, come on! Surely you can put it in one of the bus trays for us!"

I couldn't help myself, and so I answered, "We don't want your baby's soiled diaper in our bus trays; we cart dishes in those trays."

She became furious and demanded to speak with my supervisor. When she learned that my supervisor was not present, she demanded the phone number for the corporate entity that owns the restaurant, stating that she would make a complaint about me.

Miss Manners, how would you have handled her?

GENTLE READER: Without making physical contact.

Expressing concern for the health and hygiene of other customers and employees is perfectly reasonable, as long as it is done politely. If necessary, you can blame health department regulations.

Miss Manners would hope that any corporate entity would agree -- and assures you that she will be none too quick to frequent the establishment of one that does not.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: There's an urgent situation here regarding this year's lack of rainfall and water shortages. We're all going to have to cut back and be aware of our consumption, or else it's going to get pretty desperate.

One thing that really bothers me is the habit I see at work where certain people will flush the toilet before using it, thus wasting close to 3 gallons of water with each flush!

How can anyone approach these people in a work situation without it looking like they're being singled out? It's very upsetting to hear that we can't grow food while I watch these people at work waste water with each trip to the loo.

GENTLE READER: Put up a sign in the bathroom that says, "Please be mindful of our water shortage and limit your usage as much as possible." By displaying the sign for all, no individual is singled out.

Miss Manners will politely refrain, however, from inquiring as to how you seem so keenly aware of your co-worker's flushing habits.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My in-laws have graciously contributed a large amount of money for my husband and me to buy a very nice new car.

(1) How do I respond to people inquiring as to how we are able to afford such a nice car, and (2) How do I thank my in-laws?

GENTLE READER: (1) You don't. The question is rude and requires nothing more than a weak smile or change in subject. (2) Profusely.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In both business and personal dealings, it is often the case that emails are received containing typographical errors. In the days before email, one might ignore or even correct these incoming mistakes in a paraphrase ("In your letter of the 4th you asked about ...") but with email, it is common to have the original email attached at the end of your own.

When the spellchecker goes over your outgoing email, it flags and offers opportunities to correct the typos in both your response and the original email. How is this best handled?

GENTLE READER: With restraint. Technology may have made it easier to correct the mistakes of friends or business associates, but Miss Manners notices it has done nothing to make such behavior more endearing.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I find it extremely annoying to be separated from my spouse at the dinner table at my mother's house. This seems like an old tradition.

We like to touch and talk and do not talk about the kids, the dog or work, but we feel isolated and controlled when told where to sit. I would never dream of telling a guest where to sit.

Isn't the job of the hostess to make sure the guest is comfortable? What do you think? She knows we don't like it but does it on purpose.

GENTLE READER: What about the discomfort you cause those who do not want to watch you and your husband touching each other? And do the others at the table like it when you ignore the opportunity to be with them in favor of someone you see every day?

Of course it is the job of the hostess to tell everyone where to sit, in the interest of promoting general sociability. You have provided Miss Manners with an illustration of why this is necessary.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I come from a family in which the women tend to be overweight. In my teens, I was following in my relatives' footsteps; to be blunt, I was fat.

However, when I was 16, I went on an eight-month diet, lost all the extra weight, and have kept it off ever since, via nothing more strenuous than portion control and some daily exercise -- which means brisk walking, not expensive gym visits. I love to cook and eat what I like. I just don't eat too much of it.

I am now 52. As I've aged, I've been asked more frequently, "How do you stay so slim?" I answer honestly: "Well, I don't eat too much, and I try to get some exercise every day."

I have been told that I am being rude. The woman who said this explained that the question, "How do you stay so slim?" doesn't require a real answer; it is merely a compliment. If I answer truthfully, I am implying that the questioner does eat too much and doesn't get exercise.

Fair enough, I suppose. However, according to my accuser, I am supposed to respond, "Just lucky, I guess," or "It's genetic."

Miss Manners, I am not going to claim that I was blessed by the weight gods when I wasn't, and I feel that I'm not telling anyone anything she doesn't already know: The way to avoid weight gain is not to eat too much and to get some exercise. However, if you agree that I am being rude, I'll avoid this answer. But could you suggest what I might say instead without actually lying?

GENTLE READER: There are many conventional questions of the "How are you?" variety for which an "honest" answer is neither expected nor welcome. Given how alarmingly common the weight question has become, Miss Manners can understand why your acquaintance thinks it has fallen into this category.

This does not, however, lessen the fact that the question itself is, if asked casually or of a stranger, not complimentary, but rude. Compliments take the form, "You look wonderful" -- and then only in situations and with people about whom it is acceptable to notice personal attributes. While you are under no obligation to answer the question, you cannot justly be called rude for doing so.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)