DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are both in our early 30s and have been married for three years. Finally, we have been able to get the engagement ring we have always wanted.

We are not wealthy by any means. We work very hard; we both have two jobs after deciding that our priority was to pay down all our debts and live below our means (which means severely limiting going out to dinners and the movies).

At first, it did bother me when I saw from my friends' social media posts and pictures how much fun they were having, but our method has allowed us to start saving toward building a house overseas.

I knew that there would be mixed emotions from people in our social circle once the ring became public news, and since then we have received the wonderful and expected congratulations.

Unfortunately, we have also been met with sarcasm and critical remarks, such as, "Of course you guys were able to afford a ring -- you don't have kids!"

This comment hurts me deeply, as we have secretly struggled with miscarriages in the past. It also makes me feel that I am an outsider and like my hard-earned happiness is being trampled on.

I have made mistakes in my life, financial and otherwise; but it seems that because I did not make the same choices my friends have (such as starting a family at a very young age, job hopping every few months, or consistently going out every weekend) that my happiness is somehow not substantiated.

I am not sure how to respond without being rude when comments of this nature are directed at me, but I am tired of being beaten down for my success.

GENTLE READER: Exactly how did your buying a ring become "public news"?

Miss Manners doubts that even people who are brash enough to grab the hand of a newly engaged lady to check out the expected jewelry would think to do so to someone married three years previously.

You told them, didn't you -- directly or through a social media posting, or both?

And by labeling it an engagement ring, you (as you acknowledge) expected congratulations -- not on becoming engaged, after marriage, but on acquiring a piece of jewelry.

Mind you, Miss Manners not only agrees that how you spend your hard-earned money is none of anyone's business, but she even can understand that the illogic of calling it an engagement ring has sentimental charm for you and your husband. Had a friend happened to notice the ring, it would have been in a complimentary way, and you would not likely have been subjected to criticism for confiding that it is the engagement ring you never had at the time of your engagement.

But you made it, as you say, "public news." And therefore you solicited reaction from the public. Not everyone is polite and sympathetic enough to go along with your notion of this as an engagement.

Your response to criticism can be to say, "Well, it makes us happy," stiffly enough so as to discourage further comment. Then you should resolve not to seek public approval of your private business when you are not also prepared to accept public disapproval.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are expecting our first baby in a month. We have named her Natalie, but my best friend has been referring to her as Nat Nat, which I hate! It makes me cringe every time she does it!

How do I ask her not to call my baby that without sounding too mean? My husband says to leave it alone and not be one of "those" moms, but I seriously can't handle the nickname while Natalie is just a little baby!

GENTLE READER: This is the first of many things that you think you won't be able to handle while your child is just a baby, but Miss Manners assures you that you will.

Correcting the behavior of well-meaning friends and family will be among the hardest to resist right now, but you must -- especially if you want help from them during the first few difficult and sleep-deprived months.

Miss Manners is afraid that you must come to terms with the idea that your child will be nicknamed whether you like it or not. Revenge will be yours, however, when your daughter becomes old enough to come up with nicknames for everyone herself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper response to someone who wishes my husband or me a happy Mother's or Father's Day, when we were not blessed with the ability to have children?

Should we inform them of this, or just say a polite "Thank you"?

GENTLE READER: Why some people think they are being charming to distribute congratulations to people of whose circumstances they are ignorant, Miss Manners cannot imagine. As a response from childless people, she suggests something like, "I'll give my father your good wishes" or, "I'm afraid I've lost my mother."

DEAR MISS MANNERS? Is there a tactful, or at least socially acceptable, way to articulate to your friends that it was your pleasure to reserve and pay for their hotel rooms in advance (as was required by the booking service) -- but that now that the event is over, it would really be nice if everyone reimbursed you?

While $100 for one person is not a lot, it starts to add up when you've had to do it for several people.

GENTLE READER: Surely there was an understanding, before going into this, that everyone was to reimburse you, and your friends do not expect you to foot the entire bill. Yes?

At any rate, Miss Manners asks you to give them the benefit of the doubt, and assume that they are just waiting for you to tell them the exact amount owed. Write to them, saying that you have received the hotel bill and it comes out to X amount per person. Include your address, even if you're sure that they already know it. The message, after you state how happy you were to have them attend whatever event you gave, is a business transaction, and there is no shame in being businesslike about it.

DEAR MISS MANNERS? A group of our churchwomen meets in our homes, and wine is usually served. I offered to host a meeting. I served non-alcoholic punch and coffee because I do not drink.

Suddenly a wine bottle appeared when I was not looking, and everyone except me imbibed. I did not ask who brought it and nobody spoke up to claim ownership. There was not even a polite show of the bottle's being intended as a hostess gift.

I would like to host the group again, but how can I let them know I will not be serving alcohol and do not want it in my house?

My first thought is to put a sign outside my front door, "No alcohol allowed." Is that too brazen?

GENTLE READER: You needn't worry about your guests finding out that you don't serve alcohol -- they already know. Your problem is that they find thwarting your intentions amusing.

Miss Manners is not amused at deliberate rudeness. Before you issue your next invitation, she recommends taking some members of the group aside individually and asking if serving alcohol is required. If they say yes, you may say, with wide-eyed innocence, how disappointed you are as you will then not be able to host. No matter what the answer, you will have made your point.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: At a recent bridal shower, I was dismayed when the bride received a duplicate of the gift that I had selected from her registry. As it turns out, she had intentionally registered for some of the exact same items from multiple stores, hoping that it would result in duplicate gifts.

Her goal is to be able to return the duplicates for store credit, which she can amass and apply to even more expensive items (presumably that she thought she might as well not bother including in her registry). Sadly, this was her mother's idea!

I had thought that the purpose of a registry was to help gift-givers ensure that their gifts were, in fact, things that the bride wanted and to prevent duplications.

As a gift-giver, I like to think that I am giving something that will be used and perhaps even remembered as having come from me. Now, I'm left feeling that I might as well have given cash. What do you think of this manipulation of the registry system?

GENTLE READER: Oh, a new scheme for bilking friends and relations! No doubt this family is congratulating itself on how subtly it launders the money.

As you say, you might as well hand over the cash, as many such people blatantly demand.

You point out that it is a perverted use of the gift registry, but Miss Manners maintains that the gift registry itself perverts the custom of giving presents, which are supposed to be chosen, and voluntarily given, as a symbol of thoughtfulness and good wishes.

Even without the duplication scheme, this bride would have been unlikely to associate you with your present. You didn't choose it; she did. Your only choice was which item on her shopping list to buy.