DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a professional transcriptionist, and I spend, literally, eight hours or more a day on solid computer use. I am very reluctant to spend my off time on yet more computer use, let alone use precious time with my family with my nose to the screen.

So I do not participate in online social media. Several of my siblings find this deplorable, that I am not "with it." Am I being anti-social?

GENTLE READER: Has it come to that -- that wanting to be with human beings, instead of machines, is called anti-social?

When Miss Manners picks herself up from the fainting couch, she might consider the possibility that your siblings have given up writing letters, making telephone calls and sending emails, and that they therefore feel that they have lost touch with you unless they can tell themselves that you are reading their posts.

So while you should ignore the bullying about not keeping up -- a tactic they should have left behind with childhood -- you might address the deeper problem. Tell them you would love to keep in personal touch and invite them to visit.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: At the end of the year, all parents in my daughter’s school get a notice sent home from the school requesting that students, as well as parents, fill out little thank-you notes in different shapes to show appreciation for the staff. Yes, we are being directed to write thank-yous. I have never heard of this, and I do not remember these requests years ago when I was in school.

In addition, another notice is given at the end of the year to parents about a staff appreciation luncheon. Parents are requested to bring in food, etc., on a certain day for the staff. Again, I have never heard of this and was wondering what your thoughts are on this subject. Besides the fact that asking for thanks seems a bit presumptuous to me, not to mention pushy, it's a bit unnatural to me.

GENTLE READER: Undoubtedly, it would be better if the parents had thought of showing appreciation to the teachers, but Miss Manners gathers that they did not. Perhaps when you were in school, they did not need to be prompted.

Socially, it is indeed gauche to ask for thanks. But at the schools, let us consider it educational for both parents and students to learn to express gratitude in writing.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: When you have plans with someone, and they call to cancel, what is a proper way to respond instead of saying, "Oh, that's OK”? The world seems to take advantage of those of us who remain flexible.

GENTLE READER: You are saying more or less the right thing, but apparently you are saying it too convincingly. How you should say it depends on the seriousness of the excuse offered.

If the person is calling from a hospital bed, it would be, “My goodness, I understand, I hope you’ll be all right.” If no excuse, or a flimsy one, is offered, Miss Manners recommends saying, “Quite all right” with a pause between each word, and cutting off further explanations.

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DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is a wonderful smartphone app that I use shamelessly to spy on my children. It's the teenage equivalent of toddler walking reins and allows me to (a) reassure myself they are where they're meant to be and there's been no mishap, (b) time dinner on the table to the minute, and (c) time pickup arrangements to the minute -- including on one memorable occasion when I needed to rescue my lost and tearful daughter.

I appreciate that at some point it will no longer be appropriate to do this to my children, but right now it is useful. I'm so pleased with it, I've told all my friends -- who have also been very pleased. The problem is that my friends now want to be able to see where I am at any given point.

Now, I don't mind my children being able to do this, or even my husband, but I don't think my friends need to know my every movement. If I want to meet up with them, I'll call and make an arrangement. If I want them to know where I've been, I'll tell them. (I don't use social media, either, for similar reasons.)

Please don't get me wrong: These are wonderful, dear people, and there are few, if any, secrets between us. I know they mean well; I just don't think they need to know my every movement.

There's a button on the app to electronically invite people, and the invitee can then accept or decline. So far I've ignored it, which doesn't seem quite nice, but I don't want to accept, and a cold decline seems unkind. I thought of saying that I thought they must have sent it to me by mistake, but am worried they might reply that it was quite deliberate -- and then what would I say?

I love these people dearly and I really want to avoid hurt feelings. How do I gracefully exclude myself from an app that I think is wonderful for keeping an eye on children, and everyone else thinks is good for keeping an eye on adults, too?

GENTLE READER: Ah. Turnabout is fair play. Miss Manners will refrain from rubbing this in -- but she can't promise the same one day from your children.

It is perfectly acceptable to ignore the request from your friends or accidentally erase it. Then if it comes up in conversation, you may deflect it as you said: "Oh, I thought this was only for spying on the children. I never dreamed it would be used for adults. How funny it would be to know a person's every move! Can you imagine?"

Presumably this would help them understand that maybe they wouldn't want to be similarly stalked.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Good friends of ours have two adult children. One recently married in a family-only ceremony with only six people in attendance. The other child is having a lavish affair at a country club, which we will attend.

We plan on giving checks as gifts. Do we give the same amount to both, even though one is inviting us to the affair while the other chose a private ceremony?

GENTLE READER: Are you under the impression that wedding presents constitute payment for entertainment?

Apparently, many people are.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My school-age daughters recently received as a gift from their aunt and uncle a donation to a religious charity that our family finds offensive. The charity supports a cause and a religion that is against our family's beliefs.

We feel like this is a passive-aggressive jab at us in the guise of a gift to our daughters. Do my daughters owe their uncle and aunt a thank-you note for this "gift"?

GENTLE READER: It is rude not to thank someone who gives you a present, and also rude to suggest that you would have preferred something else.

But if you promise to keep that in mind, Miss Manners will give you a polite way to comply with the letter of the law while violating its spirit.

This requires subtlety, which is not guaranteed to work on adults who see a present to a child as a good opportunity to annoy the parents. "Dear Aunt and Uncle," the letter could say, "It was kind of you to think of us on our birthdays. I know how much Charity X means to you. Love, your nieces."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it polite to turn one's plate throughout the course of a family meal, rotating it so that the portion one is eating is closest to the diner? My daughter asked me this today, and I had to tell her that, though I wasn't sure, I suspected it was not. While she might do this at home, it is most definitely not polite while dining out or at another's home. Is this correct?

GENTLE READER: It is, although Miss Manners notes that it may cause more trouble at home than in public. At a formal dinner, serving plates with crests will have been cleared before the food is served, thus eliminating any danger of dribbling sauce over the host's escutcheon when the plate is rotated. It will be more problematic at family dinners with young children where the pictures on the plates will then be upside down.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have recently suffered a severe head trauma. Thankfully, I seem to have recovered in most ways. Unfortunately, I have small holes in my memory. I do not want to hurt old friends' and acquaintances' feelings by ignoring them, but I seem to have forgotten some of their faces, even though I remember who they are.

My high school has a newsletter that gives people updates on how everyone is doing. I was wondering how to write in to warn people, to prevent hurt feelings without seeming maudlin or self-pitying.

GENTLE READER: Depending on when you were graduated, you may find that everyone is claiming memory problems, even when stuck on trivial matters that no one ever does remember. Miss Manners has observed even young adults smacking their heads in frustration and tastelessly claiming to have Alzheimer's disease if they can't remember who played a minor role in a film they saw years ago.

So she predicts that your classmates will be grateful if you write a cheerful note to the newsletter saying, "I hope we'll have name tags when we get together. My memory isn't what it used to be."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)