DEAR MISS MANNERS: There is a wonderful smartphone app that I use shamelessly to spy on my children. It's the teenage equivalent of toddler walking reins and allows me to (a) reassure myself they are where they're meant to be and there's been no mishap, (b) time dinner on the table to the minute, and (c) time pickup arrangements to the minute -- including on one memorable occasion when I needed to rescue my lost and tearful daughter.

I appreciate that at some point it will no longer be appropriate to do this to my children, but right now it is useful. I'm so pleased with it, I've told all my friends -- who have also been very pleased. The problem is that my friends now want to be able to see where I am at any given point.

Now, I don't mind my children being able to do this, or even my husband, but I don't think my friends need to know my every movement. If I want to meet up with them, I'll call and make an arrangement. If I want them to know where I've been, I'll tell them. (I don't use social media, either, for similar reasons.)

Please don't get me wrong: These are wonderful, dear people, and there are few, if any, secrets between us. I know they mean well; I just don't think they need to know my every movement.

There's a button on the app to electronically invite people, and the invitee can then accept or decline. So far I've ignored it, which doesn't seem quite nice, but I don't want to accept, and a cold decline seems unkind. I thought of saying that I thought they must have sent it to me by mistake, but am worried they might reply that it was quite deliberate -- and then what would I say?

I love these people dearly and I really want to avoid hurt feelings. How do I gracefully exclude myself from an app that I think is wonderful for keeping an eye on children, and everyone else thinks is good for keeping an eye on adults, too?

GENTLE READER: Ah. Turnabout is fair play. Miss Manners will refrain from rubbing this in -- but she can't promise the same one day from your children.

It is perfectly acceptable to ignore the request from your friends or accidentally erase it. Then if it comes up in conversation, you may deflect it as you said: "Oh, I thought this was only for spying on the children. I never dreamed it would be used for adults. How funny it would be to know a person's every move! Can you imagine?"

Presumably this would help them understand that maybe they wouldn't want to be similarly stalked.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Good friends of ours have two adult children. One recently married in a family-only ceremony with only six people in attendance. The other child is having a lavish affair at a country club, which we will attend.

We plan on giving checks as gifts. Do we give the same amount to both, even though one is inviting us to the affair while the other chose a private ceremony?

GENTLE READER: Are you under the impression that wedding presents constitute payment for entertainment?

Apparently, many people are.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My school-age daughters recently received as a gift from their aunt and uncle a donation to a religious charity that our family finds offensive. The charity supports a cause and a religion that is against our family's beliefs.

We feel like this is a passive-aggressive jab at us in the guise of a gift to our daughters. Do my daughters owe their uncle and aunt a thank-you note for this "gift"?

GENTLE READER: It is rude not to thank someone who gives you a present, and also rude to suggest that you would have preferred something else.

But if you promise to keep that in mind, Miss Manners will give you a polite way to comply with the letter of the law while violating its spirit.

This requires subtlety, which is not guaranteed to work on adults who see a present to a child as a good opportunity to annoy the parents. "Dear Aunt and Uncle," the letter could say, "It was kind of you to think of us on our birthdays. I know how much Charity X means to you. Love, your nieces."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it polite to turn one's plate throughout the course of a family meal, rotating it so that the portion one is eating is closest to the diner? My daughter asked me this today, and I had to tell her that, though I wasn't sure, I suspected it was not. While she might do this at home, it is most definitely not polite while dining out or at another's home. Is this correct?

GENTLE READER: It is, although Miss Manners notes that it may cause more trouble at home than in public. At a formal dinner, serving plates with crests will have been cleared before the food is served, thus eliminating any danger of dribbling sauce over the host's escutcheon when the plate is rotated. It will be more problematic at family dinners with young children where the pictures on the plates will then be upside down.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have recently suffered a severe head trauma. Thankfully, I seem to have recovered in most ways. Unfortunately, I have small holes in my memory. I do not want to hurt old friends' and acquaintances' feelings by ignoring them, but I seem to have forgotten some of their faces, even though I remember who they are.

My high school has a newsletter that gives people updates on how everyone is doing. I was wondering how to write in to warn people, to prevent hurt feelings without seeming maudlin or self-pitying.

GENTLE READER: Depending on when you were graduated, you may find that everyone is claiming memory problems, even when stuck on trivial matters that no one ever does remember. Miss Manners has observed even young adults smacking their heads in frustration and tastelessly claiming to have Alzheimer's disease if they can't remember who played a minor role in a film they saw years ago.

So she predicts that your classmates will be grateful if you write a cheerful note to the newsletter saying, "I hope we'll have name tags when we get together. My memory isn't what it used to be."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband's daughter will be having a baby soon. This will be our first grandchild, and so what the child calls me will, I imagine, set the standard for future grandchildren.

My husband's daughters were adults when my husband and I married. Although we rarely see his ex-wife, I suspect that we will all be thrown together more frequently when babies enter the picture.

Should the children call me Grandma also, since I am their grandfather's wife? Is there another possibility? I really want to do the right and kind thing. I don't want to upset anyone, or confuse anyone, but the children using my first name seems odd to me, and, as I am a Yankee, Miss Scarlet just would not fit.

GENTLE READER: Even without divorces, it is not uncommon for children to have more than one living grandmother. Well, two, anyway; and with divorces, four or, in the case of step-exes, more.

So it behooves the family to work out designations, which could include some version of the title (diminutives, such as Granny, with or without your given or surname added, or translations that refer to the family heritage, such as "Oma" or "Nonna"), or just a special, affectionate nickname.

All generations may be considered interested parties in finding something mutually agreeable, and, in your case, your stepdaughter may also represent the wishes of her mother, toward whom Miss Manners appreciates your sensitivity.

It should be noted, however, that veto power ultimately goes to the baby, who may eventually ignore even unanimous decisions and call you what he or she likes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm about to go to a high school reunion. How does one reply when someone compliments you besides thanking them, if the years haven't been as good to them as they have to you?

I look younger than my age in years, partly because I have a young-looking face, but also because I work out, watch what I eat, and haven't spent time in the sun so my skin looks good. When people compliment me about how good I look or how young I look, I thank them, and if they look good too, I return the compliment.

GENTLE READER: Contrary to common expectations about high school reunions, participants are not required to appraise one another.

The real purpose of reunions is to allow everyone the opportunity to upgrade the impression he or she left years ago. So if someone compliments you, Miss Manners recommends that after you accept graciously, you provide the desired opening by saying: "How wonderful to see you. I'd love to catch up."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sent a note of congratulations, along with a monetary gift, in response to a graduation announcement I received. I eventually received a hurtful response from the parent, saying that the size of the gift showed that I must be in financial hardship.

The person went on to say that they started to send the gift back to me, but decided to thank me for the thought. This was a very painful response to a genuinely heartfelt expression of happiness for the family. The person is not ignorant of social graces and manners.

GENTLE READER: Really? And what would this person have done if he or she was, in fact, ignorant of social graces and manners? Sent a collection agency after you for whatever amount they believed that you owed?

Miss Manners cannot help noticing that while insulting you for your present, the family still accepted it. No response to them from you is necessary. Ever again.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)