DEAR MISS MANNERS: My school-age daughters recently received as a gift from their aunt and uncle a donation to a religious charity that our family finds offensive. The charity supports a cause and a religion that is against our family's beliefs.

We feel like this is a passive-aggressive jab at us in the guise of a gift to our daughters. Do my daughters owe their uncle and aunt a thank-you note for this "gift"?

GENTLE READER: It is rude not to thank someone who gives you a present, and also rude to suggest that you would have preferred something else.

But if you promise to keep that in mind, Miss Manners will give you a polite way to comply with the letter of the law while violating its spirit.

This requires subtlety, which is not guaranteed to work on adults who see a present to a child as a good opportunity to annoy the parents. "Dear Aunt and Uncle," the letter could say, "It was kind of you to think of us on our birthdays. I know how much Charity X means to you. Love, your nieces."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it polite to turn one's plate throughout the course of a family meal, rotating it so that the portion one is eating is closest to the diner? My daughter asked me this today, and I had to tell her that, though I wasn't sure, I suspected it was not. While she might do this at home, it is most definitely not polite while dining out or at another's home. Is this correct?

GENTLE READER: It is, although Miss Manners notes that it may cause more trouble at home than in public. At a formal dinner, serving plates with crests will have been cleared before the food is served, thus eliminating any danger of dribbling sauce over the host's escutcheon when the plate is rotated. It will be more problematic at family dinners with young children where the pictures on the plates will then be upside down.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have recently suffered a severe head trauma. Thankfully, I seem to have recovered in most ways. Unfortunately, I have small holes in my memory. I do not want to hurt old friends' and acquaintances' feelings by ignoring them, but I seem to have forgotten some of their faces, even though I remember who they are.

My high school has a newsletter that gives people updates on how everyone is doing. I was wondering how to write in to warn people, to prevent hurt feelings without seeming maudlin or self-pitying.

GENTLE READER: Depending on when you were graduated, you may find that everyone is claiming memory problems, even when stuck on trivial matters that no one ever does remember. Miss Manners has observed even young adults smacking their heads in frustration and tastelessly claiming to have Alzheimer's disease if they can't remember who played a minor role in a film they saw years ago.

So she predicts that your classmates will be grateful if you write a cheerful note to the newsletter saying, "I hope we'll have name tags when we get together. My memory isn't what it used to be."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband's daughter will be having a baby soon. This will be our first grandchild, and so what the child calls me will, I imagine, set the standard for future grandchildren.

My husband's daughters were adults when my husband and I married. Although we rarely see his ex-wife, I suspect that we will all be thrown together more frequently when babies enter the picture.

Should the children call me Grandma also, since I am their grandfather's wife? Is there another possibility? I really want to do the right and kind thing. I don't want to upset anyone, or confuse anyone, but the children using my first name seems odd to me, and, as I am a Yankee, Miss Scarlet just would not fit.

GENTLE READER: Even without divorces, it is not uncommon for children to have more than one living grandmother. Well, two, anyway; and with divorces, four or, in the case of step-exes, more.

So it behooves the family to work out designations, which could include some version of the title (diminutives, such as Granny, with or without your given or surname added, or translations that refer to the family heritage, such as "Oma" or "Nonna"), or just a special, affectionate nickname.

All generations may be considered interested parties in finding something mutually agreeable, and, in your case, your stepdaughter may also represent the wishes of her mother, toward whom Miss Manners appreciates your sensitivity.

It should be noted, however, that veto power ultimately goes to the baby, who may eventually ignore even unanimous decisions and call you what he or she likes.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I'm about to go to a high school reunion. How does one reply when someone compliments you besides thanking them, if the years haven't been as good to them as they have to you?

I look younger than my age in years, partly because I have a young-looking face, but also because I work out, watch what I eat, and haven't spent time in the sun so my skin looks good. When people compliment me about how good I look or how young I look, I thank them, and if they look good too, I return the compliment.

GENTLE READER: Contrary to common expectations about high school reunions, participants are not required to appraise one another.

The real purpose of reunions is to allow everyone the opportunity to upgrade the impression he or she left years ago. So if someone compliments you, Miss Manners recommends that after you accept graciously, you provide the desired opening by saying: "How wonderful to see you. I'd love to catch up."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I sent a note of congratulations, along with a monetary gift, in response to a graduation announcement I received. I eventually received a hurtful response from the parent, saying that the size of the gift showed that I must be in financial hardship.

The person went on to say that they started to send the gift back to me, but decided to thank me for the thought. This was a very painful response to a genuinely heartfelt expression of happiness for the family. The person is not ignorant of social graces and manners.

GENTLE READER: Really? And what would this person have done if he or she was, in fact, ignorant of social graces and manners? Sent a collection agency after you for whatever amount they believed that you owed?

Miss Manners cannot help noticing that while insulting you for your present, the family still accepted it. No response to them from you is necessary. Ever again.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the rule for standing around talking in the gym locker room naked?

GENTLE READER: Please don't.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every four years, my husband and I have hosted a large party for the World Cup. We save for four years (my husband works manual labor and I am a public school teacher) so we can treat our friends, neighbors, teammates (we both play on adult leagues and coach as well) and their families to catered food, drinks, mariachis and a bounce house for their children.

Watching it takes two hours, and it is fun to share the excitement with other soccer fans. However, past World Cup parties have been ruined for me by spouses of soccer fans who do not enjoy the original "football."

One time, a lady constantly reported "skirmishes" between her 5-year-old child and other kids and wanted me to intervene. Another time, a spouse complained about how much she hated soccer, grabbed one of my fashion magazines, and wanted me to view and comment on photos with her during the game.

I spend hundreds of dollars planning this party and hiring people to cater to guests' wishes during the game (bartender, caterer, etc.), and I wish I could be left to watch and enjoy it for two 45-minute halves with the rest of the group.

Is this asking too much, Miss Manners? Is there something I could put in the invitation to make it clear that the game is the reason for the party and that hosting duties will be suspended during the match? Or am I mistaken in thinking that I could enjoy 90 minutes every four years if I invite guests to my house?

I bet that answering this question will aid many American football fans who attend and/or host Super Bowl parties as well. Please let all of us sports fans know.

GENTLE READER: You could provide a separate bounce house for people who make nuisances of themselves by sabotaging the terms of an engagement they have accepted. Or ask a game-averse friend to do substitute hosting while you watch.

But you could also include in the invitation the timing of both the overall party and the actual game (adding an hour or so before and after) and suggest that guests who do not enjoy watching come late or arrive early to socialize with you.

After that, Miss Manners is afraid you must take it on a case-by-case basis: "Oh, I'm so sorry, but I'm really enjoying watching the game. Perhaps we can talk about fashion afterward -- or at an Oscar party." If they are perceptive -- and award-show enthusiasts -- they will understand that they wouldn't want you to talk sports while they are reviewing the red carpet.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it appropriate to use soap that is shaped like a rose as a decoration and favor, placed on guest tables at a wedding reception?

GENTLE READER: Considering that weddings often feature rose decorations made out of sugar, Miss Manners would consider this a dangerous idea.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)