DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have an ongoing disagreement with my husband regarding telephone etiquette. When he calls me, I pick up the phone and say "Hello" and he responds with "Hi." He then falls silent, expecting me to respond to his "Hi" with a "Hi" of my own.

I feel that, since he called me, and I have already greeted him, it is not necessary to then respond to his greeting, as it would be redundant. So I just wait for him to tell me what he called about.

This irks him no end, which I find rather silly, and the conversation then becomes about why I don't say "Hi" back. Eventually he tells me why he called, but by then he's annoyed. Am I required to answer his greeting with another greeting, or is he being overly sensitive?

GENTLE READER: If a greeting given and acknowledged is not sufficient, where does your husband draw the line? Would he have responded to your "Hi" with another "Hello"?

Had Miss Manners been asked to listen in on your end of the conversation, she would have concluded that your husband's cellphone reception was unreliable. Explain that while you, too, put a premium on manners, you also enjoy your conversations and are eager to hear what he has to say on other subjects.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I suppose I should be grateful that we have received thank-you notes at all for wedding presents we sent, but when did it become acceptable to send out photo cards with a preprinted message?

They have even gone so far as to have preprinted envelopes as well! There is no personalization, let alone a mention of any gift. I have even been told that the "thankful" couple can place their order with the printer, include the mailing list, and the printer will handle that pesky detail for them as well! They need not even be bothered with stuffing the envelopes.

I may be overreacting, but I find this practice insulting. I understand that people are busy, and it is nice to see wedding photos. But is it too much to ask that the happy couple take a few seconds to jot their names and at the very least a line in their own handwriting on the back of the card about how grateful they are for the generous gift?

GENTLE READER: You are assuming that they are grateful. Miss Manners finds no sign of that in your account.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there an etiquette for handing a click-type pen to someone?

I want to know if one is supposed to click it closed before handing it over, so as not to accidentally mark their hand or shirt. That's what I always thought, but my girlfriend says that perturbs her when people do that because she has to click it open again.

GENTLE READER: Anything that has the potential to do harm should properly be disarmed (or, in the case of a sword, reversed) before being offered. But Miss Manners is more emphatic that this be applied to cutlery than to a pen.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the past few years I have noticed an infuriating trend: service people, such as cashiers, waitresses, etc., but sometimes also complete strangers, address me as "Mama."

Whatever happened to "Ma'am?"

I find this tacky and disrespectful, and it makes me absolutely livid. I snap back with a haughty "I'm not your mama!" which always causes total shock and surprise.

"Mama," in this context, is clearly a way of addressing an older women -- it calls attention to the woman's age. Yesterday, a younger friend of mine was devastated because some clerk called her "Mama" for the first time.

Do you have a better retort than a very stern "I am not your mama"? And will you please tell your readers to stop doing this?

GENTLE READER: What happened to "Ma'am" is that the age factor was injected into it from the recipient's side. Those who apparently consider it reprehensible to grow older, even as they are doing so, took it as an insult, rather than the indication of respect it actually is. (Royal females are correctly addressed as "Ma'am," whatever their age.)

In contrast, flinging around the hallowed terms denoting motherhood is disrespectful, Miss Manners agrees. Her own dear mother used a softer version of your retort to strangers, which she offers to you: "Surely if I were your mother, I would have remembered you."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Would I need to have a corsage for the guest of honor at a baby shower?

GENTLE READER: Because you phrased this as a "need," Miss Manners gathers that you would not intend giving it as a spontaneous and charming gesture. Rather, you are thinking of it as possibly required, as a badge to distinguish the guest of honor.

No, it is not necessary. At a baby shower, it is not difficult to distinguish the guest of honor.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every so often, my mom -- with no small amount of soft soap -- will comment negatively on an aspect of my appearance (say, a hair extension). Do you think I should:

(A) play the respectful daughter and remove or change whatever it is; after all, how often do we see each other and what would it hurt me? OR,

(B) say, "Thank you for sharing," in the hope of discouraging this kind of behavior in future?

Our time with our parents is short, so I'm inclined to just make my mother happy. On the other hand, if I've turned myself out in something, usually I feel good in it.

GENTLE READER: May Miss Manners pick one from column A and one from column B?

From A, she would pick being a respectful daughter, but not changing merely because of the criticism; from B, saying just "Thank you," but not hoping to re-educate your mother. Being listened to should be sufficiently gratifying in itself, whether or not the advice is followed.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it rude to eat in bed?

GENTLE READER: Is there anyone else in that bed? If so, that person gets to respond, not Miss Manners. It's no crumbs in her sheets.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend has recently purchased a horse and has plans to obtain another very soon. Should one wait for the second purchase before throwing a horse-warming party?

Should such an event be held in a house or a barn, perhaps in a garden or paddock, if the weather is good enough? What would be a suitable gift?

GENTLE READER: Is the hope to warm the horse? In that case, a blanket seems the only fitting gift. And if he won't share, then another one for his friend.

As for venue, Miss Manners suggests it be wherever the horse(s) would feel most at home.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have fallen into the habit of inviting myself to stay with my grandparents for periods of a week or more, and I'm concerned that they're too polite to tell me if I'm inconveniencing them.

I do a lot of research at an archive near where they live, and as a postgraduate student, I can't afford to pay for my own accommodations in the area, which is quite a distance from my university.

While I'm sure they're thrilled to get so many visits from their grandson, I can't help feeling guilty that I'm inconveniencing them by staying so long. They would never tell me if I was being a burden, and I can't help feeling a little exploitative, especially because I'm in the archive all day and can't spend a lot of time with them.

Do you have any advice on how to show the proper level of respect and gratitude when staying with relations? On the other hand, how far do familial obligations go in these situations? When does "It's no trouble" start meaning "You've overstayed your welcome"?

GENTLE READER: The advantage of being part of a close family is that one can be less formal with invitations. You have the privilege of asking your grandparents to stay, just as they have that of telling you when it is and is not convenient. If they insist that it is, then you may take them at their word.

But, Miss Manners warns, as you are family, you must act as such. You do not get to behave as a regular guest would, because a regular guest would wait for an invitation. Furthermore, as you are visiting with some frequency, you cannot expect your grandparents to put their lives on hold. Help out with chores when you can, make or treat them to an occasional meal, and above all, keep them apprised of your schedule so that they can make their own plans -- which may or may not include you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)