DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend has recently purchased a horse and has plans to obtain another very soon. Should one wait for the second purchase before throwing a horse-warming party?

Should such an event be held in a house or a barn, perhaps in a garden or paddock, if the weather is good enough? What would be a suitable gift?

GENTLE READER: Is the hope to warm the horse? In that case, a blanket seems the only fitting gift. And if he won't share, then another one for his friend.

As for venue, Miss Manners suggests it be wherever the horse(s) would feel most at home.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have fallen into the habit of inviting myself to stay with my grandparents for periods of a week or more, and I'm concerned that they're too polite to tell me if I'm inconveniencing them.

I do a lot of research at an archive near where they live, and as a postgraduate student, I can't afford to pay for my own accommodations in the area, which is quite a distance from my university.

While I'm sure they're thrilled to get so many visits from their grandson, I can't help feeling guilty that I'm inconveniencing them by staying so long. They would never tell me if I was being a burden, and I can't help feeling a little exploitative, especially because I'm in the archive all day and can't spend a lot of time with them.

Do you have any advice on how to show the proper level of respect and gratitude when staying with relations? On the other hand, how far do familial obligations go in these situations? When does "It's no trouble" start meaning "You've overstayed your welcome"?

GENTLE READER: The advantage of being part of a close family is that one can be less formal with invitations. You have the privilege of asking your grandparents to stay, just as they have that of telling you when it is and is not convenient. If they insist that it is, then you may take them at their word.

But, Miss Manners warns, as you are family, you must act as such. You do not get to behave as a regular guest would, because a regular guest would wait for an invitation. Furthermore, as you are visiting with some frequency, you cannot expect your grandparents to put their lives on hold. Help out with chores when you can, make or treat them to an occasional meal, and above all, keep them apprised of your schedule so that they can make their own plans -- which may or may not include you.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am recently divorced and now dating a woman who lives in another state. We text back and forth all day long, except when I am with family or friends.

I do not answer her calls or text when I am with other people because I think it is rude. If I do answer her texts, it is sporadic and with quick replies.

Obviously, she does not agree with me and thinks if I value her and our relationship, I would answer at any time, especially if I am with my family, so they will take our relationship seriously since I am recently divorced.

What are your thoughts about answering cellphones and texting while in the presence of others?

GENTLE READER: That if your lady friend does not occasionally look up from her telephone, she is going to run into something.

Miss Manners means this metaphorically. If your lady friend believes your relationship is serious, then presumably she is hoping you will one day live in the same state, possibly even in the same house. When that day comes, she will no longer find it charming to have you texting while a family member is speaking. Explaining that you would never think of texting while you are with her -- and that you extend the same courtesy to intimate friends and family -- may avert future collisions.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My mom does so much for me, and I would really like to thank her. She is especially hard to buy presents for, and since most of my money comes from her in the first place (I'm not old enough to work), buying her a gift she probably won't like seems pointless. She seems sad lately and I want to cheer her up.

I've started to help her cook, but since I am still learning, this creates even more work for her. I was wondering if you had any ideas for something thoughtful I could do to cheer her up and show her how grateful I am.

GENTLE READER: Write her a letter telling her about your gratitude and your love, with examples of incidents and occasions that were special to you, and that you will always remember. If Miss Manners is moved by this, she can only imagine how much your mother will be.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper to give a family member a laundered, used handkerchief? They are my mom's, who passed away last year. I was thinking of sending one to my aunt and cousin.

GENTLE READER: Passing on items owned by a departed loved one as keepsakes is a touching and long-standing tradition. Miss Manners endorses the practice, but would, in this context, tactfully avoid referring to them as "used."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A new chair was recently hired for my department. He and his wife have been in town a few months and are gradually getting to know the rest of the faculty.

Miss Manners, the wife's hairstyle is frankly grotesque. She wears it wildly teased and sprayed like a country singer from the '70s. She is a nice lady, but everyone is tittering and making derisive comments behind her back. Can she (and her husband) truly be unaware of how inappropriate she looks? How, if at all, should this be addressed?

GENTLE READER: Does your college have a coiffure code? And do you really propose to enforce one unilaterally?

Miss Manners warns you that to level criticism in any way will make your life a misery. You would only be asking people to judge your own stylistic choices.

Besides, there is only so much that can be done with hair, and therefore styles have a way of reappearing as if new. For all you know, the students, who weren't born in the '70s, might love and imitate this look, and you could soon see it all around the campus.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son will graduate from high school, and we intend to celebrate by throwing a joint party with one of his friends. This shindig will be on a Sunday at noon and include a buffet lunch, with our two families inviting our own family and friends as well as a group of families who are in both of our circles. My question is how we word the invitation(s).

At first I thought our family would issue an invitation to our guest list just mentioning my son and the celebration, and my friend would do the same for her son. But now, I'm wondering if any of our guests who come would be made uncomfortable to arrive at our home to discover that another young man is celebrating at the same time.

But, by adding his name onto our invitation, would we be implying we expect some sort of recognition to both young men? What we really want is our guests to feel welcome to enjoy the food and friendship completely free of any expectations on our part. Should each family issue its own invitation, or should we do some sort of joint invitation to all?

GENTLE READER: Here is another way to honor your son and his friend: Have them issue the invitations, not to honor themselves, of course, but to celebrate their graduation.

Miss Manners would consider it a gracious sign, to them as well as to their guests, that they are growing up and have reached a milestone of independence.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My very proper friend and her brother both tell me that it is rude to talk about how well (or poorly) one slept. I'm 66 years young, and I've never heard that admonition before. Have I been sleeping under a rock?

GENTLE READER: If so, you probably should tell someone who can help you to find more comfortable accommodations.

Otherwise, such bulletins should be addressed only to those who are presumed to have a real interest, such as hosts, doctors and people who are worried about your well-being. Most people don't even want to hear your dreams.

Also, Miss Manners must gently inform you that as you want to present yourself as young, this is not the way to go about it.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)