DEAR MISS MANNERS: An old friend, but one I had not kept in touch with for more than 15 years, called to say he's visiting from the opposite coast and asked if we could get together.

I was delighted to hear from him, and in the course of catching up on each other's lives and arranging dinner, he inquired about my wife: "So are you and Jane still together?"

Well, neither has left the other for an upgrade; why, just this very morning she yelled at me for giving the dog too many treats. And neither of us has been hit by the proverbial bus.

So the question seemed a bit off-putting. On the other hand, given how fragile relationships and life are, the inquiry doesn't seem completely inappropriate. Could it have been worded more artfully?

GENTLE READER: Yes. "How is Jane?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It's my third marriage. Should I have my dad walk me down the aisle?

GENTLE READER: If he doesn't plead exhaustion from the first two trips.

Miss Manners reminds you that the guests will be aware that his previous attempts to give you away were unsuccessful. But the custom is now so far removed from its original meaning of a bride's leaving the guardianship of her father for that of a husband that it hardly seems to matter.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I often host play dates at my home with young children and their mothers. The kids all play together while the moms chat. When it is time to end the play date, the mothers often try to make the kids pick up the toys, or the mothers will pick them up themselves.

I would prefer they leave the toys for me and my children to pick up ourselves. For one thing, I am trying to teach my children that when you are hosting, it is your duty to clean up. Secondly, I don't want to make visiting our house a chore for the children or the parents.

Lastly, we have a very organized, set way we pick up toys. Everything has a specific place. When the kids and parents pick up the toys willy-nilly, it actually makes twice as much work for us because we have to go back and reorganize everything.

I have tried to gently tell the parents that picking up is not required. Some listen, but others are quite insistent on ignoring me and picking everything up incorrectly. What is the best way to go about getting them to leave the picking up for us to do after everyone leaves?

GENTLE READER: "Please let me, it is my pleasure. I'm sure that when you have the play group over, you will want to clean up too. I'm trying to teach Sebastian how to be a good host."

If you must, you may add "... and put everything in its proper place," but Miss Manners warns you that you will do better acting the gracious hostess and using the "teaching moment" card, than implying, "You're doing it all wrong!" Your guests will then also be more receptive to taking the hint to host a play date in the future.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am developing a presentation on social media to inform students of proper content in regards to the work world and future employers.

Currently, the most widely used standard is, "If you wouldn't want your mom (grandmother, or other family member) to see it, don't post it." However, I do not think this is adequate. Most families have similar moral and ethical backgrounds, and thus may be more lenient with content than the hiring manager of an international company.

What would you tell students to use as their guide?

GENTLE READER: Is there something wrong with saying, "If you don't want a job interviewer or your boss to see it, don't post it"?

An impeccable alternative would be, "Would Miss Manners approve?" You will note that she has phrased it in the conditional so as not to encourage those who think it would be delightful to try to shock her.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is a proper birthday toast for someone who is terminally ill?

GENTLE READER: If your concern is that it would be dishonest or disingenuous not to mention the illness, please stop. The purpose of the party, Miss Manners assures you, is to celebrate the birthday and express heartfelt appreciation for the celebrant, and that is what the toast should do.

But under the circumstances, perhaps levity should be avoided. Only on the stage is the toast from Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Mikado" amusing: "As one month you have to live/As fellow-citizen/This toast with three times three we'll give:/Long life to you, long life to you, long life to you 'til then!"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It seems that more and more TV commercials, TV shows and movies are showing actors talking with food in their mouths. I used to think that was strictly a no-no, but am wondering if that is now considered appropriate.

I sometimes argue with my son over this, but it is hard to persuade him it is not correct behavior when we see it all the time on TV and in the movies. Please tell me it is still considered rude!

GENTLE READER: Not only that, but Miss Manners considers it foolhardy to allow your son to think, much less argue, that television is the place to observe model behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the correct way to listen to someone? My usual practice is to maintain eye contact with the speaker and respond ("I see," "Mm-hmm," "Interesting"), but eye contact seems to make some people uncomfortable.

I have tried looking off to the side, examining my fingernails, contemplating my drink or staring intently at an inanimate object on the desk in front of me. However, I am concerned that these techniques could mistakenly convey that I am not listening, am bored or both.

GENTLE READER: Such actions will indeed be taken as an offensive lack of interest. Appearing to pay attention when someone is speaking is one of the cornerstones of real social interaction.

Miss Manners wonders if the discomfort you have encountered comes from those who have grown up interacting with their friends through a computer screen -- while simultaneously checking their email, browsing for discounts and playing solitaire. Eye contact need not be maintained continuously, and it can be softened by an accompanying smile or nod as appropriate.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: It's long been explained that hats were worn as protection from the sun in times when people spent a great more time outdoors. This makes sense.

And there is ample evidence of this, as in the discontinuance of hat-wearing by a majority of us who spend most of our waking hours indoors protected from the sun by shelter, while those who spend a great deal of time outdoors as part of their jobs continue to wear hats while outside.

Could it be that hats were not worn indoors because there is no direct sunlight, and thus no need?

GENTLE READER: Sun, rain, garbage, oncoming traffic, oncoming athletes, bad hair, no hair -- Miss Manners can think of all kinds of reasons to wear head-coverings, quite aside from the main one, which is that they can look rather fetching.

But in many, perhaps most, cultures (Miss Manners hasn't counted), head-coverings are highly symbolic. The specific rules as to who is entitled to wear what, and when and where hats are required to be worn or to be removed, differ among nationalities and religions, and between the genders.

Symbols being, by definition, arbitrary, they do not meet your standard of making practical sense. But one should not underestimate their emotional power. Failing to cover or uncover the head, according to the particular customs, can be interpreted as a deliberate sign of disrespect, with resulting consequences.

And yes, that applies to baseball caps.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I both had pretty horrible childhoods. As a result, we limit our interaction with the relatives that were implicated in those situations.

Unfortunately, that is difficult in regards to his sisters and their families. They and their offspring tend to be constantly involved in some sort of drama, i.e., multiple husbands/boyfriends who all turn out to be alcoholic/abusive; difficulty holding on to jobs and places to live; never having enough money to survive on ... the list goes on and on. Even though they are always broke, they somehow have the money to go shopping, gamble, have brand-new phones and a steady supply of cigarettes and alcohol.

They are constantly begging us to send them money or let them move in with us! Every one of them dropped out of high school to have kids and still can't understand why they are unable to find decent jobs.

My husband and I have worked very hard and we both have stable jobs. While we are by no means rich, we sacrifice so that we are able to save a little. We have simply been ignoring their texts, phone calls and messages for years, but they just don't stop! It's practically reached the point of harassment. How do we make them stop without coming off as horrible people?

GENTLE READER: They already think you are horrible people because you don't support them, so Miss Manners suggests you stop having misgivings about ignoring them.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)