DEAR MISS MANNERS: I asked a neighbor/friend if I could "borrow" an egg. He was happy to oblige. I asked if he liked banana muffins, and he said that he did.

I just got back from delivering him a couple of banana muffins, fresh from the oven. Do I still owe him an egg?

GENTLE READER: Yes, because the egg was compromised. It was not returned in its original condition, having first been beaten and then baked. Miss Manners trusts that should you borrow a lawnmower, you won't return it in a similar state.

What you owe him now is the same sort of neighborliness when he is in need.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am giving a birthday party for my 3-year-old granddaughter who lives out of state. I'm expecting 50 guests. I just found out that my daughter and granddaughter unexpectedly cannot travel at this time.

I have all of the food prepared, games, loot bags, snow cone and cotton candy machines rented, etc. Do I cancel the party, or continue the party and mail the gifts to my granddaughter?

GENTLE READER: As opposed to keeping them for yourself?

Miss Manners sympathizes. Certainly, it is odd to have a birthday party without the guest of honor. You could explain the situation to your guests, inviting them to attend anyway, but not as a birthday party, just a festive multi-generational party. They might still bring presents, but if they don't, you have less time to spend at the post office.

Better yet, you could postpone the birthday party until your granddaughter does visit, and now throw a party at the nearest children's hospital.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend and I were parked at a store when a young woman pulled in next to us and parked in the empty disabled parking space. My friend confronted the woman and asked if she knew she was in a disabled space.

The woman replied with a curt "yes" and went about her business. She did not have a permit displayed. My friend then called the non-emergency police line to report the infraction.

I support her latter action. I feel that those who misuse these spaces ought to be reported to the correct authorities, who are in a much better position to assess whether or not it is an infraction.

However, I feel extremely uncomfortable about my friend confronting the woman. The woman was still getting out of the car, and I feel like my friend jumped on her for a perceived infraction. Although the woman in this case actually was parked illegally, she may just as easily have not been. She may have been fishing out her permit. My friend insists she did nothing wrong.

What is Miss Manners' opinion on this matter?

GENTLE READER: That citizen's arrests suffer from gratuitous brutality.

When you say that your friend "confronted" the other driver, Miss Manners doubts that you meant she said, "Excuse me, I'm afraid you don't realize that you need a permit to park here." Rather, it was probably something insulting that did not provide a face-saving retreat. A polite approach might have worked, where a brusque one did not.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 13-year-old daughter goes to an elite prep school and gets invited to lots of swanky parties (lately bar and bat mitzvahs).

Our neighbor, my daughter's best friend since toddlerhood, goes to the local public school and spends lots of time at our house. I like her very much; however, the problem is my daughter thinks it is OK to "get her invited" to parties, which means she asks the child hosting the party if she can bring a friend.

I say this is crass and completely unacceptable. She says all the kids do it and that I am being mean to her BFF. These are no backyard BBQs, but rather grand affairs along the lines of a wedding.

How can I explain to my sweet child that this behavior puts the host in an uncomfortable position and is expensive to boot?

GENTLE READER: Evidently, the potential feelings of the host have not made an impression on your daughter. You may have to wait years for that -- until her wedding guests announce that they will be accompanied by their own guests.

Meanwhile, Miss Manners suggests that you point out that she is putting her friend in an uncomfortable position. Will the friend not be embarrassed to attend a party to which she was not willingly invited, and where, presumably, she does not know the host or many of the guests? Perhaps the hosts will be welcoming, but what if their manners are not up to that?

If your daughter is concerned about including her oldest and closest friend in the circle of her new friends, then she should throw a party herself and invite everyone. Perhaps, then, they will get to know one another, and her neighborhood friend will be legitimately invited to those parties.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: A few members of my women's social group were trying to convince me that it is all right for a hostess to put on a luncheon and charge each attendee just enough to cover her costs. They claim this is equivalent to a potluck -- after all, everyone would put money into their food items (not literally), so how could that be any different from just donating the money?

They were surprised that I did not think this was an acceptable idea -- "after all, other groups do it" -- but I was not able to explain the difference adequately and need Miss Manners' kind assistance.

GENTLE READER: There is another difference that would, as it were, make all the difference:

Is this a group in that you are all just friends, and from time to time one of you invites the others for lunch? Or is it an organized group on a schedule, with gatherings held at each of your houses in turn?

While Miss Manners agrees that it is unconscionable for an individual hostess to ask her guests for money, it is also an imposition for her to order food from them.

But in a cooperative group, the person in whose house it meets is not really a hostess in that sense. How responsibility is shared is then up to the group to decide.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My granddaughter has set a goal for herself of selling 300 boxes of cookies. Although it is a noble goal, I doubt if an 8-year-old can achieve this realistically.

She has asked me to purchase these cookies before, but, being a diabetic, I cannot eat them. I have explained that to her, but she thinks I should buy them anyway and give them away. I agreed to do that last year.

She is selling again this year, and I once again reminded her that I cannot eat them. She has now turned to other relatives for their support. I find that they are buying them, and some relatives have given them to me for Christmas or other occasions when they came to see me. I got the impression that they didn't want them either, so they were "re-gifting."

I hate to be such a Scrooge, but I am faced with a giant guilt trip if I don't buy these cookies. I'm beginning to get angry at even the sight of a cookie box.

GENTLE READER: Ah, yes. This is what Miss Manners calls Virtuous Rudeness, as practiced and taught by many otherwise worthy organizations and individuals.

Your granddaughter's goal hardly seems noble when it requires pressuring and embarrassing her relatives, even to the extent of ignoring her grandmother's health concerns. But she is 8 years old, and has been led to believe that this is what it means to be concerned about the welfare of others. By having gone along with this, you, too, have reinforced the idea that this technique is legitimate.

Presumably, the activity is intended to teach philanthropy, which is indeed a noble goal, and, incidentally, to teach salesmanship. You would be doing your granddaughter a favor to teach her that the proper way to promote charity is to engage people's sympathies in the cause that will benefit. It might also be valuable for her to learn that pressuring people to buy things they don't want is ultimately bad for business.

This will not be easy. The child has been garnering praise for doing the opposite, and may be aware that many adults do so as well. But it would be a noble goal to set.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of my children is a very accomplished, high-profile woman. Since she went to high school in our community, her name is well-known here.

Many times, when I am introduced to strangers and they realize that I am her mother, they will say to me, "Please let me know when she is in town. I would really like to meet her."

How do I say politely, "Why do you think she would like to meet you?"

Of course, I don't say that, but I sure would like to. Can you suggest a pleasant way to get this message across?

GENTLE READER: Not that message. You would be doing your daughter no favor to be rude to her fans.

Rather, Miss Manners suggests that you thank them for their interest and say, with a sort of motherly helplessness, "Really, when she comes here, she wants to hibernate. Sometimes she makes a exception and sees a childhood friend, but that's about it."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)