DEAR MISS MANNERS: When a relative and her children came over to dinner, the children didn't like one particular dish they were served. When they asked their mother if they could be excused without eating it, she instructed them to bring it to me and say, "This is not to my taste."

It was clear that the mother felt she was teaching them polite company manners, but I was baffled. I would have been more comfortable if they had simply left the uneaten food without comment.

What is the correct thing for children (and adults) to do when they do not want to eat what they have been served?

GENTLE READER: What did the mother expect you to do? Take it back and apologize for the bad service?

Of course they should have been instructed -- preferably before they went out to dinner -- simply to leave the food uneaten and say nothing. Miss Manners gathers that the mother believes that the purpose of manners is to demonstrate consideration for oneself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My fiancee and I are debating about proper eating manners such as:

(1) Do I have to keep my mouth shut while chewing my food?

(2) Can I keep both or one elbow on the table while I eat?

GENTLE READER: And here are two questions that Miss Manners asks you to consider:

(1) Do you want to have a happy marriage?

(2) Are you really interested in knowing how many mealtimes of watching you eat crudely (and remembering that you would not grant a simple request to improve) it will take to affect your fiancee's romantic feelings?

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a 6-year-old son, and my husband's brother has a 1-year-old boy. We live in two different countries. Still, we meet every year when we visit my mother-in-law, as they live with her.

They named their son my boy's name. I was so devastated to hear that, and I gently told his wife how I feel. But her husband and elder daughter and even my mother-in-law won't allow a change.

Both kids always get confused to hear the name, and I feel so sad every time I tell mine, "It's not you." My mother-in-law always is on the other brother's side and doesn't care about my son at all. Last vacation I didn't stay there for long as I cannot stand the ego of these people.

Am I overreacting? I am learning to ignore and live with it. Still, please let me know how would you handle a situation like this.

GENTLE READER: If the cousin is already a year old, it's unlikely his family will change what they call him to appease relatives whom they only see once a year.

However, Miss Manners has heard that children often acquire nicknames. Perhaps you can invent one for your nephew. If you make it charming and affectionate enough, it may catch on.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One sends out an RSVP invitation with a specific deadline, and then, because of poor response, the hosts want to cancel. Obviously the regrets do not need to be notified. Those accepting the invitation should be notified.

A topic of debate within my household: Is the host under any obligation to notify those who did not respond?

GENTLE READER: Your implicit frustration with those who do not respond to invitations would normally find a sympathetic listener in Miss Manners.

But she finds herself wondering instead about the "poor response" you cite in justification of revoking an invitation that has been both issued and, in some cases, accepted. To these people the host owes an apology, an explanation and, ideally, a replacement invitation.

Given how many people are in the habit of attending events to which they did not respond, it would be wise to warn the non-responders as well, lest they appear on your doorstep expecting to be fed. In fact, you do not need to offer to feed them ever again.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was invited to a dinner party hosted by my law school professor. It was on a Thursday evening and the invitation said dress was casual. I, and other students, wore jeans and a casual shirt.

I overheard the host discussing our outfits as uncouth and that we should have been wearing "business casual" attire. I was embarrassed and put on my cardigan.

Was I wrong for dressing casual? Should I have interpreted a dinner party "casual" to mean business attire?

GENTLE READER: Has the factor of context never come up in your law classes? Or the question of what the understanding of a reasonable person would be?

Actually, nobody knows the meaning of "casual." As far as Miss Manners can tell -- and she is as reasonable as one can reasonably be -- it merely tells people that they don't have to make any effort they don't feel like making. So some feel like making the effort to look polished, and some don't feel like making much of an effort, if any. Certainly, a reasonable student would interpret "casual" as meaning jeans.

But your professor seems to have trouble understanding context. Correcting students when they are taking his courses is his job. Disparaging his guests when he has invited them to a party is rude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I just turned 12, and my friends were very nice, brought balloons, cookies, etc., to school. The next day, several of them asked me what I had gotten for my birthday.

I told them the truth -- that it had been a pretty busy night and I hadn't opened them yet -- but I couldn't help but think that the question was a little tactless.

What if, in this economy, my parents couldn't afford a lot of presents? It seems almost parallel to adults asking each other how much money they make. Am I wrong for thinking this, and what would be an appropriate response in the future?

GENTLE READER: The difference is that your friends are not really asking for the complete catalog you are envisioning. Miss Manners assures you that they are expressing a conventional interest that can be answered with a conventional response: Express enthusiasm for all the wonderful gifts and name one, without suggesting that it is the best.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Last week I joined a popular online dating site and went on a first date. He picked me up at my house and took me out to dinner. Unfortunately, from the moment he opened his mouth, I knew we would not be compatible.

I spent the entire evening with a pleasant expression, feigning interest, and counting down until I could go home. He had a good time, and upon following up was shocked to hear that I did not share his feelings.

In retrospect, I felt trapped and helpless on the date and wound up pretending everything was OK.

Is this the appropriate approach, or is it better to be upfront with my feelings and save us both time and the emotional runaround?

GENTLE READER: An activity that used to have the charming and perhaps fanciful name of courtship has become so businesslike that there is a frightening logic to your suggestion.

Yes, announcing, "Sorry; you won't do" at that moment when the gentleman first opened his mouth would have allowed you both to move on to the next candidates. But at what horrifying sacrifice of the decencies of social behavior?

Miss Manners is no advocate of dating services, but even she can recognize that you violated its implicit cautions. You accepted a dinner date with a stranger after -- at most -- a week of the usual preliminaries, such as exchanging emails and eventually arranging a short meeting on neutral territory.

Having made that commitment, however, you were obliged to see it through. At what point do you think you could have bolted? On your doorstep, when he introduced himself? During the soup course? Or the dessert?

The proper dismissal would have been at the end of dinner, when you express regret that you have a full schedule in the foreseeable future.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My son is proposing tonight. I want to send her flowers tomorrow. What should the card say?

GENTLE READER: "I knew about this before you did, and preapproved you"?

Not a good idea. Miss Manners certainly favors welcoming a bride into the family, but recommends allowing the couple to break the news to you together first.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Please tell me the proper way to open a cracker package in a restaurant. I know using your teeth is probably not right, but I don't know the proper alternative.

GENTLE READER: Why is traditional etiquette constantly charged with setting mealtime traps, when all it does is to provide sturdy utensils for consuming food?

And meanwhile, establishments that expect diners to cope with paper and cardboard have people like you assuming that propriety is legitimately involved.

There is no proper way of dealing with trash on a properly set table because it shouldn't be there. Miss Manners realizes that restaurants are required by health laws to present some items in their commercial wrappings, but that prevents them from being models for correct service.

However, she does agree that using your teeth is not an attractive solution. If the designated "tear" part of the packaging doesn't yield, as is so often the case, she recommends attacking it with knife edge or fork prong.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)