DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am pregnant and would like to throw a gender-reveal party, but I worry that this party might be construed as a rude attempt for gifts. I don't want any gifts; this isn't a baby shower, nor am I expecting one.

I just want to share the joy with family and friends, provide food and games. But would the whole idea still be considered tacky?

GENTLE READER: Yes.

Believing that you simply want to share the news, Miss Manners hates to be a wet blanket (in a gender-neutral color, of course). But she feels compelled to tell you something that will save you time and friendships in the future that is about to become yours:

Not everyone is as excited as you are about every detail of your child's life, let alone the pre-life. It is best to know this now, before you start going on social media announcing baby's first spit-up or throwing parties for when he or she sleeps through the night.

The particular new ritual you mention -- and there really isn't a correct term for this made-up event -- is farcical. Cakes are cut to reveal pink or blue insides, bets are taken and teams are formed.

An acquaintance of Miss Manners' who attended such an event said that the mother-to-be was so distraught when she didn't get the gender she wanted that she started blaming the guests for jinxing it. It is no wonder that guests assume that a present is required as the price of admission to these absurd theatrics.

The fact is that you will actually get more profound and prolonged joy if you reveal (or "identify") the gender (or "sex") one by one to individuals who you think might genuinely be excited by the news. Gathering around waiting to hear and celebrate the announcement of one of only two possible choices is not a party-worthy event -- and it is simply not dignified. There will be plenty of parties in your future filled with games and silly cakes. Save the fun for then.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a dear friend who is marrying for the third time and is going to do a bridal registry. Her future husband is 81 (she is 73) and very, very wealthy.

They will have two homes -- a condo on the beach and the primary residence. She says that they need new pots and pans for the condo, as she thinks his are too old.

She has never been wealthy but has lived well. Also, any friends she invites will not be permitted to bring a spouse, fiance, etc. They are having a brunch.

This attitude doesn't feel appropriate. Please let me know if I am seeing it wrong.

GENTLE READER: Do you really have any trouble seeing through it?

If so, Miss Manners is sorry to be the one to tell you that your dear friend is more interested in pots than people.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted a football watch party where I instructed guests to arrive at a certain time and that I would be providing food and beverages for everyone.

My sister and her family arrived two hours late and were upset to discover all the food was gone. I hurriedly offered to make more food, and she then proceeded to instruct me on what not to put in the dish because her children had various allergies.

Am I wrong to feel annoyed at her behavior? While I understand that as a hostess I should strive to make my guests feel as comfortable as possible, I felt her demands were unreasonable.

GENTLE READER: Did she also expect you to have recorded the game, so that you could show her whatever she missed?

Arriving two hours late, short of an emergency, and being visibly upset are, indeed, rude, although reminding you of the children's allergies as you look for additional food is not unreasonable. But while your sister exhibited bad guest behavior, Miss Manners commends you for exhibiting good host behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the elementary school where I work, our principal is a lovely woman. A fabricated recognition for bosses (Bosses Day) came and went without us teachers giving her a gift. (Can the shame be outlived?)

Well, one fellow teacher won't let it go. She wants us all to contribute to a card and a gift.

I think I remember you saying once that it is inappropriate for an employee to give a gift to the boss, lest it be interpreted as something akin to a bribe or something like that. I don't want to give my boss a gift, but of course I'll look like a malcontent. What say you, Miss Manners?

GENTLE READER: As a teacher, you are aware of the power of peer pressure. It is time to put that knowledge to work.

Miss Manners recommends that you explain to the other teachers why this is a bad idea: It will establish a bad precedent; it will look like toadying; it will cost everyone money; and it may well embarrass the boss. When others agree, the lone holdout will have to concede.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a frequent patron of casual dining and fast-food establishments, I often encounter a staff member who is cleaning, spraying or sweeping within inches of my table and my food.

I realize that these are not fine-dining restaurants, which offer ambience as well as a dining experience, and that their high customer turnover requires tables to be washed and spills to be cleaned. However, I find it extremely distasteful sharing my sandwich with a broom or spray rag.

Could Miss Manners suggest an appropriate comment that I may offer to the offending employee? Or would Miss Manners approve if I left an anonymous clipping of Miss Manners' response for the establishment's manager?

GENTLE READER: Please do not leave such a clipping. Miss Manners fears the manager would exacerbate your problem by ordering its immediate disposal.

Instead, thank the broom wielder for his efforts, and then ask if there is a section that has already been cleaned, in which you might finish your meal. If this does not work with the employee, repeat with the manager.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in the ladies' room today, and a woman who does not work in my office (but on our floor) walked out of the stall after having used the bathroom and didn't use soap when washing her hands. She turned the water on, rinsed her fingers for maybe two seconds and turned the water off.

How should one react without being rude, yet hopefully nixing the behavior? I thought after the fact that I should have maybe said: "Oh, is that one out of soap? This one isn't. Go right ahead."

There are three sinks in this bathroom with soap dispensers at each. What would you suggest?

GENTLE READER: That you dry your hands and go back to work. Furthermore, Miss Manners suggests that you content yourself with resolving not to shake this person's hand, and not try to police the bathroom.

You don't know if the lady went into the booth merely to adjust her slip. You don't know if she has hand sanitizer that she plans to use back at her desk. You don't even know her, much less have jurisdiction over her behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a restaurant where the first attempt at my meal was burned. When its replacement didn't appear for another 45 minutes, I asked for the order to be canceled.

The people with me -- who had already eaten all three courses of their meals! -- were screaming at me (literally) that I couldn't do that, as it was rude. Is it rude to cancel an order under those circumstances?

GENTLE READER: Strange things happen to people who patronize restaurants, Miss Manners has observed. They have etiquette panic attacks, out of fear that their servers may sneer at them.

And so they may, as do other workers who deal with the public. But it is only at restaurants that the patrons seem to care. Of course they should behave well at any business, but only restaurants frighten them.

You ordered a decently cooked meal to be delivered in reasonable time. When that expectation was not met, of course you could cancel the order. You would do so in dealing with any other business, and restaurants are businesses that sell meals.

There was ample evidence of rudeness at your table, however. It came from those well-fed people who screamed criticism at you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I receive a reply from an email correspondent, I am often chagrined that -- most of the time -- I receive my original message back, in addition to the response.

I always make sure to delete what I have received before replying. Why return what I already know I have written? Is there any protocol concerning this?

GENTLE READER: It is true that to return a paper letter to its writer is considered an insult. In email, however, it cannot be considered so, because that is the default form.

Mind you, Miss Manners understands that it can be annoying, especially when there are several exchanges and a trail of the entire correspondence keeps reappearing. But while she agrees that it would be tactful to delete what was sent, she asks you to acknowledge that sometimes it is necessary to leave a reminder of what is being answered. Not everyone remembers, and you will admit that this is an improvement over that awkward opening, "In regard to your letter of the 15th ..."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)