DEAR MISS MANNERS: I hosted a football watch party where I instructed guests to arrive at a certain time and that I would be providing food and beverages for everyone.

My sister and her family arrived two hours late and were upset to discover all the food was gone. I hurriedly offered to make more food, and she then proceeded to instruct me on what not to put in the dish because her children had various allergies.

Am I wrong to feel annoyed at her behavior? While I understand that as a hostess I should strive to make my guests feel as comfortable as possible, I felt her demands were unreasonable.

GENTLE READER: Did she also expect you to have recorded the game, so that you could show her whatever she missed?

Arriving two hours late, short of an emergency, and being visibly upset are, indeed, rude, although reminding you of the children's allergies as you look for additional food is not unreasonable. But while your sister exhibited bad guest behavior, Miss Manners commends you for exhibiting good host behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: In the elementary school where I work, our principal is a lovely woman. A fabricated recognition for bosses (Bosses Day) came and went without us teachers giving her a gift. (Can the shame be outlived?)

Well, one fellow teacher won't let it go. She wants us all to contribute to a card and a gift.

I think I remember you saying once that it is inappropriate for an employee to give a gift to the boss, lest it be interpreted as something akin to a bribe or something like that. I don't want to give my boss a gift, but of course I'll look like a malcontent. What say you, Miss Manners?

GENTLE READER: As a teacher, you are aware of the power of peer pressure. It is time to put that knowledge to work.

Miss Manners recommends that you explain to the other teachers why this is a bad idea: It will establish a bad precedent; it will look like toadying; it will cost everyone money; and it may well embarrass the boss. When others agree, the lone holdout will have to concede.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As a frequent patron of casual dining and fast-food establishments, I often encounter a staff member who is cleaning, spraying or sweeping within inches of my table and my food.

I realize that these are not fine-dining restaurants, which offer ambience as well as a dining experience, and that their high customer turnover requires tables to be washed and spills to be cleaned. However, I find it extremely distasteful sharing my sandwich with a broom or spray rag.

Could Miss Manners suggest an appropriate comment that I may offer to the offending employee? Or would Miss Manners approve if I left an anonymous clipping of Miss Manners' response for the establishment's manager?

GENTLE READER: Please do not leave such a clipping. Miss Manners fears the manager would exacerbate your problem by ordering its immediate disposal.

Instead, thank the broom wielder for his efforts, and then ask if there is a section that has already been cleaned, in which you might finish your meal. If this does not work with the employee, repeat with the manager.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in the ladies' room today, and a woman who does not work in my office (but on our floor) walked out of the stall after having used the bathroom and didn't use soap when washing her hands. She turned the water on, rinsed her fingers for maybe two seconds and turned the water off.

How should one react without being rude, yet hopefully nixing the behavior? I thought after the fact that I should have maybe said: "Oh, is that one out of soap? This one isn't. Go right ahead."

There are three sinks in this bathroom with soap dispensers at each. What would you suggest?

GENTLE READER: That you dry your hands and go back to work. Furthermore, Miss Manners suggests that you content yourself with resolving not to shake this person's hand, and not try to police the bathroom.

You don't know if the lady went into the booth merely to adjust her slip. You don't know if she has hand sanitizer that she plans to use back at her desk. You don't even know her, much less have jurisdiction over her behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a restaurant where the first attempt at my meal was burned. When its replacement didn't appear for another 45 minutes, I asked for the order to be canceled.

The people with me -- who had already eaten all three courses of their meals! -- were screaming at me (literally) that I couldn't do that, as it was rude. Is it rude to cancel an order under those circumstances?

GENTLE READER: Strange things happen to people who patronize restaurants, Miss Manners has observed. They have etiquette panic attacks, out of fear that their servers may sneer at them.

And so they may, as do other workers who deal with the public. But it is only at restaurants that the patrons seem to care. Of course they should behave well at any business, but only restaurants frighten them.

You ordered a decently cooked meal to be delivered in reasonable time. When that expectation was not met, of course you could cancel the order. You would do so in dealing with any other business, and restaurants are businesses that sell meals.

There was ample evidence of rudeness at your table, however. It came from those well-fed people who screamed criticism at you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I receive a reply from an email correspondent, I am often chagrined that -- most of the time -- I receive my original message back, in addition to the response.

I always make sure to delete what I have received before replying. Why return what I already know I have written? Is there any protocol concerning this?

GENTLE READER: It is true that to return a paper letter to its writer is considered an insult. In email, however, it cannot be considered so, because that is the default form.

Mind you, Miss Manners understands that it can be annoying, especially when there are several exchanges and a trail of the entire correspondence keeps reappearing. But while she agrees that it would be tactful to delete what was sent, she asks you to acknowledge that sometimes it is necessary to leave a reminder of what is being answered. Not everyone remembers, and you will admit that this is an improvement over that awkward opening, "In regard to your letter of the 15th ..."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I felt compelled to apologize to a friend for a careless remark I made at a dinner party because, although it was of a general nature, on reflection I think it might have caused offense. I composed a sincere apology and sent it by email. She replied by saying she didn't recall anything that was offensive and jokingly asked what had I said.

Should I have politely said, "Let's just leave it in the past," and left her wondering? Or am I now worse off for having offered up my stupid statement again, but with fewer words? Our conversation ended amicably, but I am not sure I handled it well.

GENTLE READER: Your friend certainly handled it well, reassuring you to the extent of claiming that she didn't even remember your saying anything that could have been construed as offensive. Even her little joke offered you the opportunity to edit your remark, or to add, "... but what I meant was" and then declare the opposite of what you said.

You missed doing that, but Miss Manners would not have advised you to leave your friend guessing. You wouldn't want to challenge her to find something that can be interpreted as rude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is in kindergarten and was invited to a friendship party hosted by a classmate at a martial arts school. Should she bring a gift?

GENTLE READER: Yes. The gift of friendship.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 4-year-old is beginning to observe other people when we are out in public and, on occasion, she will ask me about someone who is of a different race, or has their hair dyed pink, a nose ring, a turban, is disabled, very tall, etc.

She's not referring to these people in a derogatory way by any means, but is curious about their differences.

I tell her that people come in all different shapes, shades and sizes, and that's what makes the world so interesting. Or I say, "Yes, she does have pink hair -- isn't that pretty!" and then change the subject.

But sometimes she asks me about someone within hearing distance of that person. Do I need to say anything to these people? Apologizing for my daughter's inquiries doesn't seem exactly right, since my daughter is not doing anything wrong, but is merely doing what curious 4-year-olds do. (I do, however, reprimand her if she points at people.)

What should I do while we trudge through this "Why? Why? Why?" stage?

GENTLE READER: Ah, childhood -- when we begin to master the finer points of tact, acceptance and discretion. And so do our children.

If the child is not directly addressing the person in question, there is no need for you to do so. Simple, respectful explanations -- as you have been giving -- are all that is required, perhaps at a slightly raised volume so that there is no question as to content. Miss Manners assures you that people with "differences" have heard it all, but they -- as well as those around them -- will likely be as interested as your child to hear a sensitive explanation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)