DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was in the ladies' room today, and a woman who does not work in my office (but on our floor) walked out of the stall after having used the bathroom and didn't use soap when washing her hands. She turned the water on, rinsed her fingers for maybe two seconds and turned the water off.

How should one react without being rude, yet hopefully nixing the behavior? I thought after the fact that I should have maybe said: "Oh, is that one out of soap? This one isn't. Go right ahead."

There are three sinks in this bathroom with soap dispensers at each. What would you suggest?

GENTLE READER: That you dry your hands and go back to work. Furthermore, Miss Manners suggests that you content yourself with resolving not to shake this person's hand, and not try to police the bathroom.

You don't know if the lady went into the booth merely to adjust her slip. You don't know if she has hand sanitizer that she plans to use back at her desk. You don't even know her, much less have jurisdiction over her behavior.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a restaurant where the first attempt at my meal was burned. When its replacement didn't appear for another 45 minutes, I asked for the order to be canceled.

The people with me -- who had already eaten all three courses of their meals! -- were screaming at me (literally) that I couldn't do that, as it was rude. Is it rude to cancel an order under those circumstances?

GENTLE READER: Strange things happen to people who patronize restaurants, Miss Manners has observed. They have etiquette panic attacks, out of fear that their servers may sneer at them.

And so they may, as do other workers who deal with the public. But it is only at restaurants that the patrons seem to care. Of course they should behave well at any business, but only restaurants frighten them.

You ordered a decently cooked meal to be delivered in reasonable time. When that expectation was not met, of course you could cancel the order. You would do so in dealing with any other business, and restaurants are businesses that sell meals.

There was ample evidence of rudeness at your table, however. It came from those well-fed people who screamed criticism at you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I receive a reply from an email correspondent, I am often chagrined that -- most of the time -- I receive my original message back, in addition to the response.

I always make sure to delete what I have received before replying. Why return what I already know I have written? Is there any protocol concerning this?

GENTLE READER: It is true that to return a paper letter to its writer is considered an insult. In email, however, it cannot be considered so, because that is the default form.

Mind you, Miss Manners understands that it can be annoying, especially when there are several exchanges and a trail of the entire correspondence keeps reappearing. But while she agrees that it would be tactful to delete what was sent, she asks you to acknowledge that sometimes it is necessary to leave a reminder of what is being answered. Not everyone remembers, and you will admit that this is an improvement over that awkward opening, "In regard to your letter of the 15th ..."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I felt compelled to apologize to a friend for a careless remark I made at a dinner party because, although it was of a general nature, on reflection I think it might have caused offense. I composed a sincere apology and sent it by email. She replied by saying she didn't recall anything that was offensive and jokingly asked what had I said.

Should I have politely said, "Let's just leave it in the past," and left her wondering? Or am I now worse off for having offered up my stupid statement again, but with fewer words? Our conversation ended amicably, but I am not sure I handled it well.

GENTLE READER: Your friend certainly handled it well, reassuring you to the extent of claiming that she didn't even remember your saying anything that could have been construed as offensive. Even her little joke offered you the opportunity to edit your remark, or to add, "... but what I meant was" and then declare the opposite of what you said.

You missed doing that, but Miss Manners would not have advised you to leave your friend guessing. You wouldn't want to challenge her to find something that can be interpreted as rude.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter is in kindergarten and was invited to a friendship party hosted by a classmate at a martial arts school. Should she bring a gift?

GENTLE READER: Yes. The gift of friendship.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My 4-year-old is beginning to observe other people when we are out in public and, on occasion, she will ask me about someone who is of a different race, or has their hair dyed pink, a nose ring, a turban, is disabled, very tall, etc.

She's not referring to these people in a derogatory way by any means, but is curious about their differences.

I tell her that people come in all different shapes, shades and sizes, and that's what makes the world so interesting. Or I say, "Yes, she does have pink hair -- isn't that pretty!" and then change the subject.

But sometimes she asks me about someone within hearing distance of that person. Do I need to say anything to these people? Apologizing for my daughter's inquiries doesn't seem exactly right, since my daughter is not doing anything wrong, but is merely doing what curious 4-year-olds do. (I do, however, reprimand her if she points at people.)

What should I do while we trudge through this "Why? Why? Why?" stage?

GENTLE READER: Ah, childhood -- when we begin to master the finer points of tact, acceptance and discretion. And so do our children.

If the child is not directly addressing the person in question, there is no need for you to do so. Simple, respectful explanations -- as you have been giving -- are all that is required, perhaps at a slightly raised volume so that there is no question as to content. Miss Manners assures you that people with "differences" have heard it all, but they -- as well as those around them -- will likely be as interested as your child to hear a sensitive explanation.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I are expecting our first child, a fact he has shared with his employees at the grocery he manages.

He received a present from an employee moments before he had to let him go (my husband had known for two weeks that he had to terminate his employment but was waiting for him to come back from vacation). My husband accepted the present but feels horrible about it.

Was it OK that he accepted the present? Should we send him a thank-you card as we have sent to everyone else we have received presents from? How should that thank-you card be worded?

GENTLE READER: Your husband feels horrible because he fired someone who was at that moment acting as a friend. His error, however, occurred earlier: It was in allowing, if not encouraging, the fiction that employment relationships and personal friendships are the same.

It is, Miss Manners believes, time for a new office policy barring supervisors from accepting gifts from employees. This will protect employees from feeling pressured to give such gifts, and it will give supervisors -- including your husband -- a graceful way to avoid both the implied obligation and the impossibility of rejecting an act of kindness.

In the meantime, the present on your kitchen counter demands a letter of thanks. As personal and professional relationships are properly kept separate, no reference should be made to the termination.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am invited to a Super Bowl party. The host is providing all the food and drinks, and says, "Just show up." He is from the South and says it's an insult for guests to bring food. Could I bring a gift for him?

GENTLE READER: Could you comply with his wish? You can show your appreciation by showing up, socializing with his other guests (although not to the extent of distracting them from the game) and reciprocating the invitation.

Miss Manners agrees that it is insulting to assume that the host will not properly provide for the guests, who must therefore bring supplies. At a genuine potluck party, there is an organizer, rather than a host, because the host duties are shared by all. This is not such a party.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: We are holding off on a memorial service for my mother, with a notice of the delay in her obituary, until my two sisters can come home. I have not received any condolences from my place of work yet. I don't really expect much, but an acknowledgment of her passing would have been nice.

Am I reading too much into this, or is it normal not to do anything until the memorial takes place?

GENTLE READER: It is sadly normal for no notice whatever to be taken by employers and professional colleagues of the death of a member of an employee's immediate family -- but this does not make it right.

It would have been right and kind for not only your close colleagues at work, but also your boss, to offer condolences when aware of the death, as well as attending the memorial service. Such duties are exceptions to Miss Manners' rule about separating personal and professional life.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)