DEAR MISS MANNERS: As the assistant for one of the executives at my company, I routinely answer his phone with, "Good morning/afternoon, this is John Doe's office." I even have a note on the phone reminding me to smile before picking up, because I know that people can tell the difference (strange, but true).

One caller, an executive in a different department, will respond to my greeting with "JOHN" in an impatient tone. This always seems to surprise and fluster me, at which point he will say, "John NOW. Put John on the phone." No one else, either within the company or calling from elsewhere, is ever this rude to me.

I go an extra step to be pleasant to anyone who calls before I even know who is on the other end of the line. Perhaps if this was a one-time occurrence, I wouldn't be asking for your advice. However, each and every time this other executive calls my boss, he acts like this. I've been responding, "Sorry?" since this behavior does confuse me momentarily, but I would rather have another note next to my phone giving me a pointer on how to respond to him.

If he continues to act rudely to me, then I'll consider bringing this up with my boss. However, I do hope that I can deal with this on my own in both a professional and ladylike way.

GENTLE READER: Say pleasantly, "I'm sorry, but we seem to have a bad connection. I only heard 'John' and 'now.' What is it that I can do for you?"

You may repeat this as needed if his replies get shorter and ruder, but if this exasperates him to the point of an all-out explosion, Miss Manners assures you that there is no shame in telling your boss. This is professional information that he would likely want to know.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is there something appropriate to be said to a relative or friend who is ill and obviously close to dying?

GENTLE READER: "I love you." Miss Manners considers it a vast improvement over the patently false command, "Get well."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My toddler son is cute -- incredibly cute. The kind of cute that makes people point him out to friends in crowded stores, that makes total strangers give him their snack foods, that makes people follow us around asking, "What movie have I seen him in?"

The problem is when parents of other children come up to me and tell me how cute he is. For me to simply say "Thank you" always seems to me to imply, "I have nothing nice to say about your child in return." But the fact is, across a crowded bus, you notice that a child is cute. But you can't notice that a child is artistic, musical, well-spoken or talented in myriad other ways. What is the proper response to such a compliment?

GENTLE READER: Responding to "Your child is cute" with "Your child looks otherwise talented" is tantamount to saying that he is unattractive -- a free insult when none is warranted. Miss Manners assures you that "Thank you, yours too" is perfectly true. Most parents believe that their child is adorable -- and no one wants to hear an honest comparison to yours.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My neighbors were kind enough to help me with a large household problem. In order to demonstrate my gratitude, I baked a cake and took it to their house two days later.

When the plate was returned, cleaned and within a reasonable time frame, there was a box of chocolates on it. This token was greatly appreciated, but I now find myself in a position to, yet again, reciprocate with either another cake or some other baked item.

How does one put a stop to the constant "thank you" reciprocations of such gifts? I feel that I should be the last one to give such a gift, since I had the original household problem that my neighbors assisted me in resolving.

GENTLE READER: In Greek mythology, Agamemnon appeases the goddess Artemis for a serious etiquette breach (bragging) by making a human sacrifice of his daughter Iphigenia. He does this without consulting his wife, Clytemnestra, who, upon his return from the Trojan War, returns the favor by stabbing him in his bath. Their son Orestes then murders Clytemnestra in retaliation. Eventually, the Greek gods have to step in to break the cycle of vendetta before it depopulates the Peloponnese.

Miss Manners realizes that your situation is not quite as drastic, but the principle is the same. If you answer the chocolates with baked goods, you will only prolong things. Send them a letter covering both the chocolates and the original help.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Several family members were casually talking after our Thanksgiving dinner. I asked my husband if he would get me some coffee (he was standing, I was sitting). My brother-in-law piped up and corrected me with "Please."

Should he have corrected me? I'm 58 and felt like a 2-year-old. I told him I thought the please was implied, as we have been married 34 years.

GENTLE READER: At what year did you decide that it was no longer necessary to be polite? And when did your brother-in-law decide that he no longer needed to be polite to you?

Miss Manners should not have to tell you that being related does not justify suspending politeness. You have discovered that for yourself.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The owner of a bar I frequent just passed away, and everyone who knew him, especially the bartenders, are understandably quite upset.

I want to buy the place, but I don't know how long I should wait to bid, out of respect. The reality is that everyone would benefit from my owning the place in terms of job security, etc., but I don't want to look opportunistic.

GENTLE READER: Mourning etiquette was historically elaborate and burdensome on those who did not work to support themselves. But it always recognized that after some point, business still needed to get done, whatever the private feelings of the mourners.

Miss Manners trusts that you will not read that to mean that business always comes first, or that it is unilaterally in your power to affect the good you hope for. You could write a note to the heirs explaining that, "When you are ready to think about the future of the business, I would appreciate the chance to talk with you." After that, you will have to be patient. People in that position have more than enough to remind them to "get on with their lives."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How can one know if she is talking too much or being talkative? I like to think I'm funny and engaging, that I tell a good story and am an entertaining guest and hostess.

However, at Thanksgiving dinner, my husband said I was carrying on a monologue. I thought I was aware enough of being long-winded to cut myself off, but perhaps the champagne (which wasn't cut off) blurred my judgment.

Therefore, would you please advise me how to judge whether I'm entertaining people with my stories, or if I'm becoming a bore? A good tip on how to engage other guests would also be useful. Further, if you could include a kind way for my husband to let me know I'm going on too long, I would pass that on to him.

Have I gone on too long again?

GENTLE READER: No, Miss Manners is still giving you rapt attention. Face to face, you would be able to see the bright gaze she has fixed on you.

But there are indeed ways of gauging your listeners' limits. Faces resting gently in plates are a good sign that you have gone on too long, as are downcast eyes, which nowadays probably indicate the presence of an electronic device under the napkin. In social settings, an appreciative audience usually makes encouraging noises and nods, so silence and immobility are also signs.

To re-engage people at that point, halt the story and offer others a turn by saying something vaguely relevant, such as, "Everyone must have these embarrassing moments," or "And how did you spend your vacation?"

Unless you hear a chorus of "But wait, what happened to you then?" you may consider that you have yielded the floor, and that no one has noticed that your story wasn't finished.

But even without this problem, every couple needs a Meaningful Look. Generally, it is a fixed, unblinking stare, accompanied by an upturning of the mouth intended to disguise its real meaning. And that can be anything from "You should probably wind this up" to "Didn't you tell me that we were going to keep that a secret?" to "Please, can we go home now before I keel over?"

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is an appropriate response when we invite good friends to our home for dinner, and they reverse the invitation and ask us to come to their home instead?

In some cases, it's a holiday and they are expecting family and ask us to join them. That's nice of them, but it's quite awkward to say their grandchildren are insufferable and we'd rather spend the day in our own company. Obviously we can't say that we are otherwise engaged, because we obviously aren't!

In other cases, the invitation is reversed because our friends enjoy amenities we do not have, such as a hot tub. But since our invitation was extended as an gesture of reciprocity for many evenings already spent in their hot tub, we'd really prefer to host this time around.

I'm generally acknowledged as a pretty good cook and enjoy cooking immensely, so when the invitation is reversed, I also miss a pleasant day in the kitchen. Is there a gracious way to respond?

GENTLE READER: Declining counter-invitations should be easy, because people whom you invite need not know that you haven't already invited other guests. But when you need to insist, Miss Manners suggests, "No fair. I asked you first."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)