DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband and I have divergent interests, and I often attend events such as the ballet on my own. I enjoy getting to know people during the intermissions, but occasionally the conversation has taken a bad turn.

Occasionally, if I am speaking with a married couple, one or the other will intone, when they find out that I am married, that I should have taken my husband hostage and forced him to attend the event with me.

I need to know if I was the one in the wrong the last time, when the couple I was talking to said outright, "Why didn't you force your husband to come with you?" I replied, "Because it's just not his thing."

The wife responded, "He must not love you like my husband loves me. George hates the ballet, but here he is!"

I was insulted, and I simply begged off by saying, "It was very nice to meet you. I must get a drink before intermission ends. Have a good time." I didn't acknowledge the wife's comment. As I walked away, I overheard the wife say, "Well, that was rude!" (It certainly was -- on her end!) I was taken aback.

Should I have handled the situation differently? Was I being rude? I felt I was being gracious by not engaging in debate or defending my husband's honor over such a rude comment. Your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: That you must love your husband more than this lady loves George. And that you showed admirable restraint in not saying so.

Furthermore, Miss Manners assures you that the etiquette judgment of someone who accuses strangers of being unloved is not worth considering.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I won't be having my holiday dinner parties this year. And this makes me sad.

It seems as though everyone has become a special-needs person when it comes to being a dinner guest. Every dish is questioned as to content and nutritional value. "That is so bad for you," and, "I couldn't eat that; it's not on my (Diet of the Month)."

One has always thought that a polite decline of any dish was enough. But some have to go into long explanations of why they couldn't possibly eat something so horrible.

I cook with love and care, and only wish to entertain with delicious, nutritious food, to be a gracious host, and certainly not to endanger the lives of my guests. Has passively insulting one's host become the norm? I hope not.

GENTLE READER: Indeed, hospitality has suffered greatly from the all-too-prevalent habit of food fussing. Miss Manners hates to think of your abandoning your holiday dinners, but she thoroughly understands why you would not be thankful to entertain a table full of childish ingrates.

Should you reconsider, she recommends your citing an old rule of etiquette that you will have trouble believing ever existed. So will any guests you might relent enough to entertain, which is why you can cite it as a curiosity that it would be fun to try.

That is a complete ban on talking about food at the table. And "complete" means that even compliments are not allowed. That part was abandoned to acknowledge the hosts' efforts when the middle class no longer employed cooks. Eventually, the rule was forgotten entirely, opening the way for complaints. We badly need that ban back. Appreciative guests can praise the food in their letters of thanks.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I saw a post on social media that was a link to a website for friends to donate to a couple who recently bought a house. This couple justified this by writing they were never going to have a wedding and suggested people think of the savings of not having to purchase formal wear to attend a wedding. Instead, they are asking for donations to purchase things and make upgrades on their new home.

I know my feelings on the subject, but was curious how Miss Manners feels about this request.

GENTLE READER: Really? You can't guess Miss Manners' feelings about this?

Chiefly she feels that it must be hard to resist telling them, "That's very considerate, but you needn't have worried about me. I wouldn't have gone to your wedding anyway."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a college student studying abroad on a budget in London, a very expensive city. I'd love to bring home gifts for many of my friends and family, but feel that it isn't financially feasible to do so for more than a few people.

Should I buy gifts only for my closest friends, not all of whom have gotten me gifts when they went abroad? Buy something small and affordable for a wider circle of people?

Should I bother buying gifts if the only affordable ones I can find are cliche touristy gifts (mugs or clothes with "London" emblazoned on them), rather than gifts that really appeal to my friends' and family members' interests and that they would actually appreciate?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not require returning from a trip laden with presents for everyone you left behind. As an optional gesture, it can be delightful, but as a habit it only encourages others to replace "Welcome home!" with "What did you bring me?"

Miss Manners hopes that your friends are not in the habit of giving you silly souvenirs of places you did not go. The last she checked, London was full of secondhand book stores where you might find something to address their individual interests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a public library. Two colleagues here have habits that will, under proper circumstances, send me screaming into the night.

One blithers and dithers; she cannot make a simple request ("Can you work on the reference desk today from 1 to 3?") without going into a song and dance about why she is asking me to change my schedule.

The other giggles at the end of every sentence she says -- even when giggling is not appropriate. Is there a polite way to ask them to change their annoying habits?

GENTLE READER: No. The habits of your colleagues are not rude, just maddening (to you, that is; others might consider them charming), so it would be impolite to admonish them.

However, you have the advantage of working in a place that values silence. If you are in a designated quiet area, you may apologetically shush them in the name of professionalism. And if you are not, Miss Manners permits you to plead old habit.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Now that winter is nearly upon us, I am fond of wearing hats outside. My dear mother always instructed me that it was rude to wear a hat indoors, and I am not suggesting that such rules have relaxed.

However, as a professional working in New York, upon entering my office building I have to present my identification in order to pass through the security gates in the lobby (a wonderful addition in these post-9/11 times). Because I carry a briefcase, I have only one free hand with which to fish out my identification and press it against the gate in order to open it. Thus, I am left without a hand with which to carry my hat.

What is a gentleman to do under these circumstances? My current custom is to leave my hat on my head until I've passed through the security gate (even though this means wearing the hat into the building, up an escalator and across the lobby) and then, once I've returned my identification to my pocket, remove my hat and hold it in my hand.

GENTLE READER: If she were not a lady, and thus obliged to keep her hat on her head, Miss Manners would tip her hat to you for your desire to obey the letter of the law. But in this case, observing the spirit is sufficient. Gentlemen are allowed to keep their hats on as they travel through transitional spaces such as lobbies, corridors and airport esplanades.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a wedding where the couple made a show of toasting each other with sparkling cider in elegant stemware. While this was lovely to behold, no festive beverage was provided for the guests to participate in any way. I understand this has become quite the tradition at weddings. I always thought when toasts were offered, everyone should be given the opportunity to participate.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps that is because you thought that bridal couples cared about their wedding guests as guests, not to mention as family and friends. Why you should want to attend weddings of people who just want to assemble an audience, and assume that you should be thrilled to be allowed to look on, Miss Manners cannot imagine.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who utilizes a wireless head-set in the bathroom, continuing her conversations with internal and external customers while completing her business. As she responds to the customer, we believe the line is not mute.

My co-workers have tested the theory that you can hear everything, and the toilet flushing is loud and clear. How do we address this in a non-passive-aggressive manner? I find it very rude, and I can't imagine what our customers are thinking.

GENTLE READER: Your concern that your co-worker is embarrassing the company is justifiable, but Miss Manners can see that you and your colleagues are having far too much fun with this.

The original worker's behavior is a problem for the boss, and it should be raised to her in a general way: "Do we have a policy on cellphone use when dealing with customers? There have been some reports of strange sounds in the background, and I was hoping we could all get some guidance."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners(at)gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)