DEAR MISS MANNERS: I saw a post on social media that was a link to a website for friends to donate to a couple who recently bought a house. This couple justified this by writing they were never going to have a wedding and suggested people think of the savings of not having to purchase formal wear to attend a wedding. Instead, they are asking for donations to purchase things and make upgrades on their new home.

I know my feelings on the subject, but was curious how Miss Manners feels about this request.

GENTLE READER: Really? You can't guess Miss Manners' feelings about this?

Chiefly she feels that it must be hard to resist telling them, "That's very considerate, but you needn't have worried about me. I wouldn't have gone to your wedding anyway."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a college student studying abroad on a budget in London, a very expensive city. I'd love to bring home gifts for many of my friends and family, but feel that it isn't financially feasible to do so for more than a few people.

Should I buy gifts only for my closest friends, not all of whom have gotten me gifts when they went abroad? Buy something small and affordable for a wider circle of people?

Should I bother buying gifts if the only affordable ones I can find are cliche touristy gifts (mugs or clothes with "London" emblazoned on them), rather than gifts that really appeal to my friends' and family members' interests and that they would actually appreciate?

GENTLE READER: Etiquette does not require returning from a trip laden with presents for everyone you left behind. As an optional gesture, it can be delightful, but as a habit it only encourages others to replace "Welcome home!" with "What did you bring me?"

Miss Manners hopes that your friends are not in the habit of giving you silly souvenirs of places you did not go. The last she checked, London was full of secondhand book stores where you might find something to address their individual interests.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work in a public library. Two colleagues here have habits that will, under proper circumstances, send me screaming into the night.

One blithers and dithers; she cannot make a simple request ("Can you work on the reference desk today from 1 to 3?") without going into a song and dance about why she is asking me to change my schedule.

The other giggles at the end of every sentence she says -- even when giggling is not appropriate. Is there a polite way to ask them to change their annoying habits?

GENTLE READER: No. The habits of your colleagues are not rude, just maddening (to you, that is; others might consider them charming), so it would be impolite to admonish them.

However, you have the advantage of working in a place that values silence. If you are in a designated quiet area, you may apologetically shush them in the name of professionalism. And if you are not, Miss Manners permits you to plead old habit.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Now that winter is nearly upon us, I am fond of wearing hats outside. My dear mother always instructed me that it was rude to wear a hat indoors, and I am not suggesting that such rules have relaxed.

However, as a professional working in New York, upon entering my office building I have to present my identification in order to pass through the security gates in the lobby (a wonderful addition in these post-9/11 times). Because I carry a briefcase, I have only one free hand with which to fish out my identification and press it against the gate in order to open it. Thus, I am left without a hand with which to carry my hat.

What is a gentleman to do under these circumstances? My current custom is to leave my hat on my head until I've passed through the security gate (even though this means wearing the hat into the building, up an escalator and across the lobby) and then, once I've returned my identification to my pocket, remove my hat and hold it in my hand.

GENTLE READER: If she were not a lady, and thus obliged to keep her hat on her head, Miss Manners would tip her hat to you for your desire to obey the letter of the law. But in this case, observing the spirit is sufficient. Gentlemen are allowed to keep their hats on as they travel through transitional spaces such as lobbies, corridors and airport esplanades.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I attended a wedding where the couple made a show of toasting each other with sparkling cider in elegant stemware. While this was lovely to behold, no festive beverage was provided for the guests to participate in any way. I understand this has become quite the tradition at weddings. I always thought when toasts were offered, everyone should be given the opportunity to participate.

GENTLE READER: Perhaps that is because you thought that bridal couples cared about their wedding guests as guests, not to mention as family and friends. Why you should want to attend weddings of people who just want to assemble an audience, and assume that you should be thrilled to be allowed to look on, Miss Manners cannot imagine.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have a co-worker who utilizes a wireless head-set in the bathroom, continuing her conversations with internal and external customers while completing her business. As she responds to the customer, we believe the line is not mute.

My co-workers have tested the theory that you can hear everything, and the toilet flushing is loud and clear. How do we address this in a non-passive-aggressive manner? I find it very rude, and I can't imagine what our customers are thinking.

GENTLE READER: Your concern that your co-worker is embarrassing the company is justifiable, but Miss Manners can see that you and your colleagues are having far too much fun with this.

The original worker's behavior is a problem for the boss, and it should be raised to her in a general way: "Do we have a policy on cellphone use when dealing with customers? There have been some reports of strange sounds in the background, and I was hoping we could all get some guidance."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners(at)gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am at the age now when my friends have started having children of their own. That puts me in the generation who share nearly every part of our lives online, and though I don't have children of my own, I certainly enjoy the pictures and stories my peers post about their kids (who are too young for Facebook accounts).

The trouble is, where does the cute story end and the humiliation begin?

Many of my friends with children post not only "cross-eyed bear" anecdotes, but stories of their sons and daughters being naughty or reckless (as toddlers will), and include details that, were I that child, I would not want to be public knowledge. It's known that most social media make up a permanent digital record. And even if future colleagues and friends don't find these stories, every adult the child grows up around will know them.

Since these kids won't have access to their own online identity for several years, it's a very one-sided narrative indeed. I'm not sure how to talk to the parents involved about my misgivings without seeming nosy or discouraging them from sharing their experiences raising children.

GENTLE READER: The urge to rescue endangered children is a noble one, and Miss Manners agrees with you that these children are in danger of being embarrassed in years to come. As you point out, they are not yet old enough to embarrass themselves.

However, this is not a form of cruelty that justifies outside interference. The most you can do is to say jokingly, "Wow, I bet his future bosses will enjoy seeing that."

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My partner is in the military, and occasionally we find ourselves in the situation of having to go out on an errand with him in uniform. We have experienced the whole gamut of responses from strangers, from disapproving stares to adorable little children approaching us and boldly asking, "Do you fight bad guys?" Sometimes we get the standard "Thank you for your service," which he appreciates and responds to with "Thank you for saying thank you."

Most of the reactions from strangers range from tolerable to endearing (to the mother of the boy who thought he was a superhero: Your son is adorable! May he never lose his sense of wonder). Sometimes people become a little too curious and ask where he has deployed to in the past, want to know exactly what it is he does in the military, when he will be shipping out again, etc.

While these are conversations we routinely have with our friends and family, I don't think it is public information any stranger in a coffee shop should be badgering us for. What response would you recommend to terminate these conversations without sounding rude or dismissive?

GENTLE READER: You are fortunate in that this form of intrusiveness, unlike the general nosiness that is rampant nowadays, starts from a premise of respect.

Miss Manners is not suggesting that this requires your partner to enter into such conversations, only that he can draw on that respect to excuse himself. "I'm on leave, and I'm afraid my time is limited" or, "Please excuse me, but these are matters I'd rather not discuss," he can say apologetically.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners(at)gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)