(The formal announcement of the change will be made on Tuesday, Sept. 3; you can find our press release that day at universaluclick.com. Both Nicholas and Jacobina have co-written books with their mother, and now their collaboration will extend to newspapers. We are delighted to welcome Nicholas and Jacobina to Universal Uclick, and we know your readers will enjoy this new generation's take on manners in an ever-changing social world.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: As the executive director of human resources for a hospital, I have employees coming to me with a variety of issues. The greatest challenges are those that are basically interpersonal conflicts.

Perhaps it is our nature, but people present the side of the story that they think will elicit the greatest sympathy from me, not only failing to report the whole story, but also exaggerating and even fabricating details.

I can find myself in awkward situations, trying to hold people accountable for things that they didn't necessarily do, or feeling skepticism rise in me instead of listening wholeheartedly.

How can I politely inquire of people, "What are you not telling me?" Not that I can't do my own investigation, but I wish people realized that I am not called to take sides in disputes.

GENTLE READER: It is indeed our nature, but fortunately you have asked Miss Manners how to get at the truth politely, not how to reform the tendency of human resources (or what used to be called "people") to embellish their complaints.

The solution rests in your expressed desire to listen wholeheartedly. When Mason complains that Madison took his stapler and yelled at him, encourage him to tell his story and listen to what he says. Most people's exaggerations are a casual play for sympathy, not a scripted or well-rehearsed attempt to deceive.

Three minutes in, Mason is more likely than not to confess that last week he took Madison's mouse pad without asking, thus saving you the trouble of an extended investigation.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I frequently wear black tie for various events -- I'm a choral singer where black tie is standard performance dress -- and I also have a fairly large cufflink collection from my travels. When wearing black tie, must one wear the cufflinks matching the shirt studs, or is one free to choose whatever cufflinks one likes?

GENTLE READER: With many gentlemen taking horrid, unwarranted liberties with evening dress, Miss Manners hesitates to say, "Oh, go for it." Why adult males believe it "creative" to dress as if they are attending the middle school prom, with their turtleneck shirts, pallbearers' long black ties and gaudy cummerbunds, she cannot imagine.

But she is all the more happy to tell you that no, your cufflinks need not match your shirt studs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When interviewing for a job, is it considered bad manners to ask how much the job pays? Ironically, it is not bad manners for the employer to ask how much you have earned in your previous jobs.

Do you see a problem with this practice? Isn't the real question how much are both parties willing to agree upon in the business relationship?

GENTLE READER: Your tone suggests a certain impatience with Miss Manners, who is forced to point out in her own defense that her only action, thus far, has been to read a letter addressed to her.

Who says that it is bad manners to ask how much a job pays? Certainly not Miss Manners. Bans about discussing money in personal situations do not apply in the business world.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

(The formal announcement of the change will be made on Tuesday, Sept. 3; you can find our press release that day at universaluclick.com. Both Nicholas and Jacobina have co-written books with their mother, and now their collaboration will extend to newspapers. We are delighted to welcome Nicholas and Jacobina to Universal Uclick, and we know your readers will enjoy this new generation's take on manners in an ever-changing social world.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I think you will like my approach.

There were two 25-ish women on the bus sitting 10 rows away from me, but speaking so loudly that it was impossible to read. Finally, I went over to them and asked them if they were hard of hearing. They looked at me in surprise and said "no."

I said: "Oh, I must be mistaken, but you were speaking so loudly that I thought you were. And you were talking about very personal matters that I am sure you did not want the entire bus to hear.

"You (I pointed at one of them) were just fired from your job. And, you (and I pointed at the other) were just dumped by your boyfriend."

I then got off the bus.

GENTLE READER: Are you hard of reading, so to speak?

Miss Manners may be mistaken, but she cannot imagine why else you would turn to an etiquette column to seek --indeed, to assume -- approval of your having humiliated strangers in public.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I live in the city and am experiencing an awkward situation with the neighbor who lives behind me. Although I don't know him well, I believe this neighbor is a lovely person.

However, he is a night owl, and he often goes into the alley between our houses between 10 and 11 p.m. and uses power tools, or organizes the tools in his truck. Since I sleep very lightly, this wakes me up. What is especially frustrating is that the loud noises will stop and then unexpectedly start again after I've drifted back to sleep.

I realize he is not violating any noise ordinances, but it seems he is violating normal behavior for quiet, but dense, city living.

As our houses are back to back, I barely know him. To ask him to stop would be quite awkward. Also, I'm not sure if he is in the wrong. Nevertheless, the urge to go into my backyard very early in the morning to take revenge weighs on my mind.

As a final point, this neighbor is an excellent plumber, and I don't want to do anything that makes it impossible for me to call on him for business needs. Are there any polite options for me besides ear plugs?

GENTLE READER: Why is a polite solution mentioned only as your third choice? You turn to it in desperation, after realizing that you cannot have this unknown -- and, you presume, lovely -- person arrested for violating the noise ordinance, and that taking revenge might deprive you of his professional help.

Yet Miss Manners knows that this is typical thinking when people deal with minor annoyances from their neighbors. They seem remarkably eager to make enemies who know where they live.

Instead, you could just go over and introduce yourself to your neighbor, make a bit of pleasant chitchat, and then ask him sympathetically if there is another time he could schedule his alley work, as the noise keeps you awake.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family received a letter from a young relative requesting "donations" for tuition to start a sixth year of college. This same relative was married only a few weeks before sending this letter out. It was mentioned that they were grateful for the monies received for their wedding; however, there is an urgent need for more money to advance in the education field.

Let it be noted that no thank-you card was received for the money that was given as a gift at their wedding. My question for you is simply this: How should we handle this in a proper way? Should we ignore this plea or respond in some manner?

GENTLE READER: You mean by saying, "Did you get our last installment? How much more do we owe?" Miss Manners can think of no polite alternative to giving this grab the lack of attention it deserves.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am a new nanny learning the ins and outs of the play date. My problem is in the confusion created by everyone trying to teach their child proper hosting etiquette without teaching how to behave as a guest.

I have had a number of children who demand their rights as a guest. For example, both girls want to wear the same plastic tiara. The visiting child will say, "But you have to let me wear it because I'm a guest."

I even had one child change her mind every time her host gave in and seemed content with the toy she ended up with. In that case, I told our visitor that though she is a guest, she is also a friend and has to be a good friend no matter whose house she is in.

I'm sure their thinking comes from the way their mothers have taught them to treat their own guests. I have talked to the child I care for about how to be a good guest in an attempt to prevent her behaving similarly when she is in someone else's home.

As the supervising adult, is it appropriate to correct another child's manners? How would such a correction be phrased in order to avoid giving the child I'm with daily the idea that it is OK not to allow her guest to choose first?

Also, I'm sure the other girls' mothers are not aware of their behavior. Should I mention it so that they can have a conversation at home? When picking up their daughters, they always ask specifically about their behavior.

GENTLE READER: Well, there's your opening. But Miss Manners supposes that mothers who have taken the trouble to teach hostess manners will be grateful if you continue the lesson -- as long as you mention it in a non-accusatory, if not actually flattering, way.

"I can see you taught her good hostess manners," you can say pleasantly, "and she's cleverly figured out that this means she can make up for it as a guest. Nice try -- they all do it. I've had to teach Magdalena that guests have responsibilities, too. And of course when I'm supervising play dates, I have to explain this to everyone to keep the peace."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)