DEAR MISS MANNERS: For a wedding, is it rude to indicate a preferred color of dress? Is it rude to do so on the invitation or on a card sent with the invitation -- by saying, "The wedding is fall themed, please favor colors such as red, orange, and yellow"?

I'm just looking to provide helpful suggestions if people want to match the wedding's theme. I've never had to write wedding invites before, and I really want to avoid being rude about it. The colors wouldn't be a requirement or something like that -- people can wear what they want as long as it's something nice.

GENTLE READER: This is going to come as a shock, but wedding guests are not interested in matching the theme colors of a wedding. They just want to look good, preferably without incurring expense.

If you asked them the next day what the theme colors were, Miss Manners doubts that many would be able to say much beyond, "I think the bridesmaids had some sort of purplish-pink dresses. But maybe they were more blue-greenish. Anyway, the bride wore white."

Brides, however, have become convinced that a themed color scheme is of vital importance, and that they should have dictatorial powers over the wardrobes of the wedding party, without regard to the tastes or budgets of those concerned. Miss Manners has not met with much success in attempting to persuade them that the bridesmaids need not look like a chorus line.

Please do not even suggest that the guests match the decor. They are people, not props.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: About a decade ago, my mother asked me to promise that if she ever had a visible hair growing from her chin, I would tell her, or remove it if she weren't able to do so.

Can you give me advice on how best to keep this promise? She is quite fastidious with many things and very capable. I don't want to hurt her feelings.

GENTLE READER: Of all the promises mothers may extract from their children, and of all the qualms children may feel about keeping such promises, yours is surely the simplest.

First, buy tweezers. But you mustn't spring them on her. She may have forgotten the promise, and you don't want to make her think that you are bothered by a mere hair. Rather, you should bring up the promise with some amusement.

Her reaction will tell you what to do. Either continue to look amused, or say, "All right, I'll look if you want me to" and fulfill your promise.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I recently read a book that used the word "tiffin." The dictionary defined the word as "luncheon," but that did not really fit the context in which the word was used. What is a tiffin?

GENTLE READER: Without having peeked over your shoulder, Miss Manners can tell you that you were reading about British India. That's where and when the term was devised to describe a light meal, whether late morning, at lunch or at tea time.

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: After years of ill health, I have recently resumed dating. I am 39 and have frequently been told I appear a good deal younger than I am. However, due to my health issues, I have had a partial hysterectomy.

Of course, I know better than to address medical concerns (past or present) at dinner with a gentleman who simply wants a nice evening out. I simply want a nice evening out, too.

But I know that eventually, he might find it useful to learn this aspect of my medical history. I would very much appreciate your advice about how and when to broach this subject.

GENTLE READER: Not to bring up your hysterectomy during dinner is an excellent idea, Miss Manners agrees. Any dinner.

It is never a good idea to put your medical history into general circulation, but this is especially true in regard to a gentleman whose intentions toward you are unknown. As, presumably, are yours toward him.

The matter will become relevant if the two of you begin to discuss having a future together. The notion that people are entitled to intimate information in order to consider whether to pursue the acquaintance is both vulgar and dangerous.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I usually eat bacon only at restaurants, and I like only crispy bacon. Which is a better way to request crispy bacon?

A simple, "I would like my bacon crispy, please," and then hope it arrives that way? Or is it better to alert the waiter/waitress that I will send back limp bacon by saying, "I would like my bacon crispy, please. If it isn't, I'll have to return it for crispy bacon."

My daughter prefers the first statement. I think it is nicer to give the waiter a heads-up that I will return it than wait until limp bacon appears and then seem like a hard-to-please customer and request a new order.

This is obviously a minor problem, even in the world of good manners, but could you please tell me the best way to order crispy bacon?

GENTLE READER: There are no minor problems at breakfast. Imagine, for example, that you are a waiter and your day starts with a customer who threatens to complain before she has even ordered.

Therefore Miss Manners would prefer you to inquire, "Is the bacon really crisp?" adding, as if admitting to a charming fault, "I only like it really, really crisp." There will be time enough to send it back if it turns out that your breakfast has been misrepresented.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper thing to do when you show up at an event or meeting wearing the same outfit as another woman? If it is possible to change, should you?

GENTLE READER: That strikes Miss Manners as an awful lot of trouble to take for a minor coincidence. Besides, if it were a rule, both ladies would rush home, and, as they seem to have the same taste, might show up in different identical outfits.

How much better it would be to rush over to the other lady and declare, for all to hear, "What a beautiful dress! You look stunning in it."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Could you please tell me, and all TV women -- should they sit with their legs crossed at the knee?

I was taught to sit with my legs together and just crossed at the ankle. My daughter is trying to have my granddaughter not cross her legs, but she sees all these TV women sitting that way, which is no help.

GENTLE READER: Which TV women? The ones who appear under their own identities for a somewhat serious reason (noted to exclude reality shows), or actresses and saleswomen?

You will be surprised at which of these Miss Manners will join you in criticizing for their posture.

Traditionally, ladies were taught to cross their ankles on the grounds that it was unladylike to cross their knees. That this gesture made something of an awkward tent of long skirts may have had something do with the lesson.

The biggest change now is that being ladylike is no longer a popular female goal. But there have also been changes in fashion that supply new reasons for the old rule.

Crossed knees in short skirts are distracting, if not actually revealing. Even those who disdain looking ladylike want to be taken seriously when they are making public appearances. For that reason, many wear trousers. It seems reasonable and fair that they could then assume the masculine posture of crossed legs.

But gentlemen (who tend not to be insulted if they are considered gentlemanly) do not cross their knees; at most, they rest one ankle on the other knee. It doesn't look good, which is why they almost never do this in public. And it looks even worse for a lady, especially when it includes a high heel pointed perilously close to the person at her side.

So Miss Manners would advise such ladies to follow the old rule simply because it is less distracting and looks more professional.

For actresses, whether they are playing roles or pitching products, the situation is different. Their profession is being distracting and may well require calling attention to their legs.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My cousin is getting married quite soon, and between her and her fiance, they don't need any household goods. They would prefer cash so it can be used to meet the needs that guests and their gifts could not otherwise fulfill, but I was careful to tell my cousin it's still considered tacky to ask for cash when she requested advice.

In this day and age of merging households with no need of housewares and no room for knickknacks, is there any way to ask for money without sounding like a mannerless money-grubber with hands outstretched for donations?

GENTLE READER: No.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: The abbreviated version of my name is one that has become popular as a name for pets. How I wish people would return to Rover and Fluffy.

I have found myself blushing and embarrassed when I am introduced to someone and they say, "That's my dog's name!" They often wait for me to reply.

And I struggle terribly. Please help. And I would like to add that I have a perfectly nice name.

GENTLE READER: "Really?" Miss Manners would say deadpan, if she were in your place. "It's a family name. I suppose we're related."

(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)